Time MixUp
by Lucillia
Summary: Four different people from four different time-lines travel to the past for various reasons, and end up in the same time-line upon which they wreak havoc. Follow the adventures of the "time traveling" Naruto, Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Tenzo.
1. Prologue: The Four Travelers Embark

_Shit_. Naruto thought.

He'd been captured and incapacitated by Sasuke and his small group of followers and brought to this place so the bat-shit insane Uchiha Madara could extract the Kyuubi from him to complete his stupid plan that involved doing something to the moon which was - according to Madara - some sort of dead ten tailed rock monster that had belonged to some guy called the Sage of the Six Paths. He didn't know what the hell Madara had been on when he had come up with that plan but, he wanted some so he could be completely out of it when the damn furball was extracted. According to Gaara, the process was extremely painful.

**Brat, I have a way to get us out of this. **said the nine tailed squatter in his belly.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me this before?!" he indignantly screeched at the fox.

**Honestly, contrary to all evidence otherwise, I didn't actually believe that you would be stupid enough to be caught. After that it was a toss up of who I hated more, you or Madara. I picked Madara**. The ginormous fox replied.

"So how are we getting out of this?" he asked.

**Time travel**. was the fox's response.

"Time travel? You're even crazier than that freak Madara, and that's saying something. Time travel is completely impossible." he said before he started laughing.

**So, when do you want to go back to? **the fox asked. **Despite the fact that I'll be providing the Chakra, you're going to have to be the one to do the actual Jutsu since, despite the fact that I possess opposible thumbs, my paws aren't exactly the right shape to do handseals.**

"If, and I mean if time travel were possible, I'd like to go back to the day I joined team seven. I always wanted to get back at Kakashi for what he did to me during the bell test, and beating some sense into Sasuke while I still could would be fun too." he mused, remembering the good old days when he hadn't had to fight criminal organizations whose rosters consisted entirely of S Ranked missing-nin.

**Fine, we'll go then then. **the fox grumbled** Now let me show you how to do the jutsu so we can get the hell out of here. I like being myself too much to be mashed together with the others to create whatever monstrosity that cursed Madara is planning on making.**

"Two problems. One, as I said before, time travel is impossible and two, I'm freaking unconscious and therefore can't do any jutsus!" he yelled back at the fox.

**You can do the jutsu in your mindscape**.The fox replied, looking as if he wanted to hit his head against the nearest wall repeatedly.

"Fine, whatever, I'll humor you since I don't have anything better to do." he sighed.

The instant before the extraction process started, there was a loud pop and an inhuman sounding scream of rage.

%

After an insanely wild ride that would have caused Naruto to puke had he the stomach to do so at the time, he opened his eyes and was promptly stunned to find himself in his old apartment. The apartment that he could have sworn had been destroyed by Pain a couple weeks earlier. As he wandered around said apartment exploring everything in order to see if anything was missing, which would conclusively prove that he was in a Genjutsu, he noticed that something seemed off. It was when he got to the bathroom that he realized why. Looking in the mirror, he saw his twelve year-old self staring back at him.

"Holy shit!" he yelled the instant before he fainted.

* * *

Kakashi knew he'd arrived too late that day. Before he'd even found Naruto, he'd had that same uneasy feeling in his gut that he had the day he'd been forced to kill Rin, and the day Minato-sensei had died, that feeling that told him that he had failed yet again. When he reached it, there had been fresh signs of battle all over the Valley of the End but, the fighting had obviously been over. Since he couldn't see either Sasuke or Naruto in the immediate vicinity, he sent Pakkun out to search for them. When Pakkun returned a few minutes later, whimpering as if he'd been beaten half to death, he knew that the feeling that had begun to settle on him as he approached the Valley had been entirely correct. Dreading what he would find when he got there, he followed Pakkun to where Naruto lay face down at the base of the statue of Uchiha Madara. The boy was completely still, and Sasuke was nowhere to be found. When he turned the boy over, he knew immediately that his student was dead. He had a wound from a Chidori in his chest, and his throat had been cut.

Since becoming the teacher for Team 7, he'd often gone out of his way to avoid looking at Naruto since the boy had reminded him of two of the most painful losses in his life, the man who had been like a second father to him after his own father had committed suicide, and the cheerful teammate who had saved his life at the cost of his own. Seeing him like this, dead just like they were, was a hundred times worse however.

Minato-Sensei's son was dead and it had been his fault. It had been him that had taught that traitorous snake the jutsu that had weakened Naruto enough for that heartless monster he had mistakenly believed to be a reflection of himself in his youth to kill him. It had been because he had been wrong about the Uchiha boy whom he'd come to think of as a version of his former self who just needed proper guidance like he'd received from Minato-sensei, that he had ended up costing Naruto his life.

As he knelt by Naruto's body, he set Pakkun to hunting after the little bastard who'd killed the child he should have taken care of and watched out for but, the poor dog had been unable to pick up the Uchiha's scent due to the pouring rain. The traitor was long gone and, if he'd tried to search for him then, he'd have end up going in circles so, he'd sat down beside Naruto to wait. After what had seemed like an eternity, the rain finally let up, and he'd sent the dogs out in every possible direction to try and track the little traitor down down.

Instead of sending Pakkun out with the rest of dogs this time however, he had sent him on ahead to Konoha to give the Hokage his report as he prepared Naruto's body for its return to the Village. It was unnatural to see the child so still. Naruto had always been moving somehow, especially when he was supposed to be sitting still, frequently bouncing, running everywhere, and twitching constantly. Every time he saw him, he'd always seemed so full of an energy that he could barely contain.

All of that energy was gone now, and it wouldn't be coming back...

%

After Naruto's funeral, Kakashi took to spending most of his time alternating between the memorial stone upon which Obito's, Rin's, and Minato's names had been inscribed, and Naruto's grave, since he had not been allowed to join the hunt for his former student after his ninken had failed to find him because, the Hokage had wanted the boy to be alive long enough to be used to breed a new Uchiha clan, which left him with a great deal of free time on his hands since he'd been put on leave for "health reasons". When he wasn't visiting Naruto or his team, he was working on something that seemed almost too fantastic to be real and probably wasn't but, it had given him a small measure of hope, and occupied his time until there was news of his traitorous former student who had vanished without a trace, and had not been seen since the day of Naruto's murder.

It was just as well that he'd been placed on leave because, after Naruto had died, he'd practically lost the will to do anything, didn't leave his bed for over a week, and didn't leave the apartment for nearly a month. During that time that he'd spent shut in his apartment, he had sorted through the things he had recovered from the wreckage of his former Sensei's home after the Kyuubi attack, more to torture himself than anything. Before then, he hadn't really looked at any of the items in thirteen years, and even when he had last looked at them, it had been little more than a cursory glance to see whether a particular item would have belonged to his Sensei or to Kushina so he knew which box to put it in. Amongst the items that had belonged to his Sensei was a scroll that had contained what purported to be a near finished time travel jutsu that his Sensei had been working on when he died.

On the day that he finally finished or seemed to have finished the hastily scrawled and rather incomplete jutsu his Sensei had left behind, he went to Naruto's grave for the last time. By that time the next day, he would either be in the past or, he would be dead due to Chakra exhaustion, as it appeared that it would take all he had to go back the two years that was the farthest his Sensei's jutsu could take him. Either way, he would be seeing the child he had failed more times than he could count again. Alive or in the afterlife, it really didn't matter at this point.

When he arrived at Naruto's grave to say good-bye to it, Iruka was there, meaning that he would have to wait and come back later. When he had brought Naruto's body back, Iruka had nearly killed the first person who cheered over the fact that Naruto was dead, and it had taken a dozen people to pull him off the man. When Iruka had later discovered that it had been him who had taught Sasuke the jutsu that had caused Naruto's death, he'd tried to kill him as well. The man hadn't cared that he was just a Chunin, and that he was going up against a man who was said to be nearly on par with the legendary Sannin. If a squad of ANBU hadn't arrived and stopped the fight, Iruka probably would have killed him. He still wasn't entirely certain whether or not that would have been a bad thing considering. He'd taken to avoiding the man since then though.

Eventually, after Iruka had left, he paid his respects and headed home to perform the Jutsu that would either be giving him another chance or, would turn out to be suicide. At this point, he didn't really care all that much either way.

%

Kakashi groaned as he awoke to the early morning sun, mildly surprised to find himself on his bed rather than on his living-room floor where he'd expected to end up if anywhere at all. Since he had a massive headache and was actually able to move, he could be reasonably certain that he hadn't died of Chakra exhaustion. He was still in his apartment, which didn't tell him all that much, since the decor hadn't changed much over the years since he'd acquired it, which meant that he couldn't be entirely sure if he had been successful or not. The Team 7 photograph with the traitor's face scratched out wasn't in its usual spot but, as it could have somehow been knocked behind his nightstand, this may or may not have been a good sign. The quickest way to tell whether he'd succeeded in his endeavor or not would be to go to the Hokage tower.

If he received another beating from a drunken Tsunade who also blamed him for Naruto's death, and another assassination attempt from Danzo, it would mean that he had failed and had wasted a great deal of time that he could've spent tracking down and killing the traitor instead, even if that had meant turning missing-nin himself. Both Tsunade and Danzo had been fond of Naruto for different reasons. Tsunade because, the boy had reminded her of her little brother, and Danzo because, he'd been fond of the boy's mother whom he used to bribe with ramen to pull pranks on the Sandaime. On top of this, Danzo had been exceedingly upset with him for losing Konoha a very valuable weapon as well as the last of the Uchiha who had been valuable because of his Kekkei Genkai.

When he got to the tower, he entered the Hokage's office through the window as he often did. Upon seeing the Sandaime Hokage, he didn't know whether to cry or cheer. He had succeeded. He had actually gone back into the past, back before Naruto had died, and he would be able to change things for the better. He'd been given another chance, and he wouldn't fail Minato-sensei this time.

As he stood there in the Hokage's office planning out what he would be doing now that he was back in the past, he barely noticed the fact that the Hokage appeared to be suffering from a heart attack because he'd "shown up to a meeting over an hour early".

* * *

Jiraiya surveyed the destruction that surrounded him. Konoha had been destroyed, and most of its populace was now dead. The few survivors of the brutal attack wandered through the wreckage in shock. Konohamaru, his sensei's grandson, stood over Naruto's body crying. Naruto had died in the fight with Orochimaru who had been occupying the body of Uchiha Sasuke while the village was overrun by ninja from Sound and Iwa. The village had fought alone because Suna had been unable to send reinforcements in time. He had been supposed to have been the one to fight his former teammate but, he had been seriously injured in a fight with a former student of his the week before, and had been unable to do so.

Like his father before him, Naruto had sacrificed himself to save the village. Unlike his father however, he had been just a little too late, and despite his best efforts, the village had been destroyed. Konoha was gone, and it didn't look like it would ever be able to come back from this. At least not now...

He would have lost all hope for for the village if he hadn't known of his former student Minato's most ambitious project. Before he had died, the young man had worked out how to successfully travel through time. The complex seal array Minato had created wouldn't take him back more than a few years but, a few years were all he would need to bring down Orochimaru so Naruto and the village as a whole could live a long and happy life.

For now though, he would have to help rescue survivors and bury yet another student he had outlived.

%

When Jiraiya awoke with a headache to end all headaches in an inn that he didn't recognize a few short days after the destruction of Konoha, he knew that he'd either gone on one hell of a bender that he'd completely forgotten about or, that he'd succeeded in traveling through time. After going downstairs and asking what the date was, he came to the conclusion that he had succeeded in what he had set out to do, which was the time travel, not the three day bender that would have left him with blurry memories of being slapped repeatedly and, possibly had him waking up in bed with a transvestite at one point.

"At this point in time, the only time Orochimaru was really out in the open where I could get at him was during the Chunin exams. I guess now would be a good time to pay little Naruto a visit since I'll be heading to Konoha anyways." Jiraiya mused as he packed some rather familiar belongings that he'd found scattered about the room he'd apparently rented the night before - a few years before in his personal timeline - because, it was conveniently located within viewing distance of the dorm for the upper years at an all girls boarding school, if one used binoculars.

* * *

Tenzo picked his way through the wreckage that was Konoha. Most of it had been destroyed during Pain's attack but, the rest had fallen when Naruto had completely released the Kyuubi in his grief over the death of Hinata and his anger at Pain who had taken another one of his precious people away from him. He was one of the handful of survivors left wandering about what was left of their home after Pain's attack and the Kyuubi's rampage had ended.

As he made his way around the blasted remains of the Hokage tower, a surprisingly intact scroll caught his eye. Curious, he picked it up and unfurled it.

If this was what he thought it was...

%

The first sign of success was the fact that he woke up in his own apartment. The second was the date on the swimsuit calendar that was stuck to his fridge with a banana magnet. He had truly gone back in time, and would be would be able to save Konoha. Now that he was here, he would change things so Pain didn't attack, and he would keep Naruto from ever using the Kyuubi's chakra so he wouldn't unleash the monster that had gone tromping through the ruins of Konoha and killed most of the survivors before taking off for parts unknown.

Despite the fact that doing so would easily solve a number of problems, he wouldn't be killing Naruto. When he wasn't releasing the monster that had been sealed into him, Naruto was an exceedingly valuable asset to Konoha, as the bright and cheerful boy had turned enemies that could have seriously harmed Konoha into allies with a smile and whatever mysterious power he had that made others see how horrible they were and want to improve themselves, a power that had often made him wonder what would have happened if Naruto and Danzo were ever locked in a room together.

If he remembered the file on Naruto correctly, the boy had first used the Kyuubi's power during the mission to Wave, which was still a few months away. So, he would have time to find a way to keep Naruto from starting down the slippery slope that led to him releasing the Kyuubi, which shouldn't be too difficult, since he knew how horrified the boy was of the fox, and how terrified he had been of releasing the creature up until his pain and grief at the destruction of his home and the loss of one more of his precious friends had consumed him. He would of course explain to the boy the dangers of releasing even a little bit of the Kyuubi's power and, if necessary, he had the abilities he'd inherited from the Shodai Hokage, which would bring anything under six tails under control before Naruto could release any more as long as he could get Tsunade to part with her necklace.

Getting Tsunade's necklace off of her several months earlier than Naruto had managed to would be a good first step.

(**^**)

**Author's Note Version 2.0**: This story actually came about when I was reading a rather good story called It's For a Good Cause, I Swear! by Sarah1281 in which four people from the same timeline end up at four different points of the same timeline and are forced to deal with the changes that those who'd arrived at earlier points on the timeline have made before they arrived. As I was reading that story, I thought it would be interesting to see people from four very different timelines end up in the same one, each with a different plan, and each pretending to belong to timeline they are in after they all arrive on the same day, hence Time Mixup.

**Naruto **comes from a timeline where Tobi was indeed Uchiha Madara rather than Obito, and the Fourth Shinobi World War doesn't happen. Instead of gate-crashing the Hokage Summit, Sasuke and co., who have formally joined the Akatsuki, capture Naruto.

**Kakashi** comes from a timeline where Sasuke kills Naruto while he's unconscious instead of sparing him at the Valley of the End.

**Jiraiya** comes from a timeline where Sasuke failed to subdue Orochmaru and retain possession of himself and instead became possessed by him.

**Tenzo/Yamato **comes from a timeline where Pain's attack ended differently when the Yondaime's failsafe fails to restore the seal as it should have and the Kyuubi is completely freed.

Later on, there will be someone who comes from a timeline where everything ended up pretty much working out in the end and Naruto managed to get his happily ever after as Rokudaime Hokage (Danzo didn't count). For those who don't already know who that person it, you'll have to read on to find out.

**6-29-10 made some minor cosmetic and wording changes to the Prologue and first 15 chapters of the story, so if they're slightly different than you remember, that's probably why.**

**11-4-12 More edits and wording changes to the entire story.**


	2. The Journeys Begin

Naruto grinned as he made his way to the Academy. Today was the first day of his new life, and he felt great. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the damn fox hadn't come back with him when he'd made his little trip into the past. True, the Nine-tailed fox was sealed within him, but it was the Nine-tailed fox of the past who as of yet didn't have any hold on him, and hadn't said one word to him as far as he could remember. Even better, that fox was sealed behind a barrier that was entirely intact and couldn't speak to him without his permission, as the fox of the future had been wont to do on occasion, which meant that there would be no annoying fox distracting him at the most inopportune moments, and giving him reminders of his past failures when he'd had enough of them already.

He whistled a merry tune - the origins of which he'd long forgotten - as he stepped onto the Academy grounds. After recovering from fainting upon seeing himself in the mirror with that plump baby-face that he'd grown out of, he had raced through the village and discovered it to be exactly as he remembered it being when he was last this age, right down to Maito Gai's insane morning workout routine that he'd previously completely ignored, and the glares from the village's other denizens. Now that he was back, he was going to fix everything he could, starting with that revenge obsessed idiot that he would be pointing in the right direction before he could end up getting some sort of whacked out guilt complex and swear to destroy Konoha. By the time he was done with Sasuke, Danzo and Madara were going to be in for one hell of a surprise.

After taking his old seat in the crowded classroom where the team assignments would be handed out, he looked around. If he hadn't seen it for himself long ago, he wouldn't have believed that his friends had ever looked as young as they did now. The four years and change between now and then had made a great deal of difference in their appearances and, in some cases, their attitudes. He was so focused on the people he had grown up alongside and had fought alongside in the future that he almost didn't notice when Sakura shoved him out of the way to get to Sasuke.

After growling in annoyance at Sakura, he turned to glare at Sasuke - who apparently didn't know a good thing if it stared him in the face - from a safe distance. He remembered what happened the last time, when he'd gotten in the boy's face to do so and had been knocked forward by a flailing arm. That moment would have still been burned in his memory had he lived to be a thousand. That was definitely not how he wanted his first kiss to go down, even if it had technically already had gone down that way. Come to think of it, he didn't want his first kiss with a woman to go down the way it had either. Having your Chakra stolen by a mass of flying hair was definitely not on his list of fun activities.

When Iruka arrived to announce the team assignments, he winced guiltily at the bandages that were mostly concealed by the Chunin's clothing. If he hadn't listened to Mizuki and stolen that damn scroll, one of the first people who had become precious to him wouldn't have almost gotten himself killed defending him. He wasn't sure what he would do if Iruka died like he had almost done that night. Iruka was one of the first people to be there for him, and had cared the most about him.

* * *

Across the village from the Academy, Kakashi wandered helplessly around the candy store he'd entered in hopes of finding a treat for Naruto. As he stared at the racks and stacks and boxes and overflowing bins, he felt slightly lost. While he knew that the boy was obsessed with ramen, he didn't know what else the boy liked, hence his dilemma.

The day had started off with quite a bang, especially since the Third Hokage had been so surprised by his "early" arrival at his office that morning, that he'd nearly had a heart attack, and he'd been forced to fetch a healer to make sure he was alright. When he'd turned up in the Sandaime's office, he'd entirely forgotten that they had been supposed to meet about an hour or so after he'd turned up at Naruto's apartment so he could get a feel for the boy he was about to train. The boy who, at this point in time, he'd pretty much ignored for the last twelve years, unless he was on guard duty. He strongly suspected that arranging the meeting to take place in Naruto's apartment had been the Hokage's way of guilt tripping him for not taking Naruto in when he had been kicked out of the orphanage when he was five.

At the moment he didn't want to pile that particular regret on top of all the others so, meeting in the office had had its upside, as he didn't want to see the boy's apartment ever again. The last time he had seen it, when he'd gone to pack away the belongings of his dead student, had been painful enough.

Naruto was alive now, so he wouldn't dwell on that. He had a second chance with the boy and he would grasp it with both hands. Now if only he knew what kind of sweets the boy liked...

Turning back to the task at hand, he examined a shelf of jars full of brightly wrapped hard candies in various colors and flavors, ranging from the rather exotic peppermint to flavors more common to the area - such as the bright green candies that tasted like a berry that only grew in the woods around the village - wondering which ones he should get. As he studied the jars, continuing to feel just as lost as he had been five minutes ago, he grew angry at himself for having ignored Naruto to the point that he didn't even know what foods he liked other than ramen, which he probably wouldn't have known about either if the boy hadn't constantly and rather loudly talked about it almost every time he had seen him from the first day he'd had him as a student.

Finally, after giving it up for a lost cause, he left the store after purchasing a fifteen pound assortment of just about everything he could think of, including a jawbreaker the size of an orange. He knew that the candy wasn't exactly healthy for a growing boy but, he also knew that nobody had ever done this for Naruto either. Iruka was probably the only person in the village besides the Hokage who would have been willing to do so but, he had opted to buy filling meals for the boy instead, and the Hokage couldn't risk showing such blatant favoritism for the boy, and therefore would have been unable to do so.

Checking the time on the clock outside the bank, he noticed that he still had a while until it was time to meet Naruto again. Until then, he would be preparing another surprise for the boy.

With that in mind, he headed off to one of the better quality shinobi tailors with a set of measurements he'd wished he hadn't known, and something he'd pulled from the box of Kushina's belongings that he'd been holding on to.

* * *

Jiraiya strolled down the road to Konoha, making plans along the way. Considering the shape of his godson and favorite student's current apartment, he would have to find another one for the both of them to stay in until the Chunin Exams, and subsequently the Invasion that would give him a chance to strike at Orochimaru before he could destroy Konoha, took place. He didn't know what he'd been thinking in letting that boy stay in that apartment the last time around, except maybe that having a kid around would cramp his style and walk in at the most inopportune moment.

There were no worries about Naruto walking in at the wrong time now, since he now knew for a fact that at the age of twelve, Naruto would be wise enough to the ways of the world to know what a piece of cloth tied to the door handle would mean. How could he not, when he was able to use certain jutsus that involved either naked or scantily clad women to devastating effect at that age?

Another reason to ditch Naruto's current apartment was that they could also use the extra spending money they would earn by sub-letting Naruto's place to whoever would be desperate enough to rent it.

With his plans for his future living arrangements mostly hammered out, he turned to planning other things. Since he wasn't entirely certain exactly when Orochimaru had switched places with the ninja from Grass, it would seem that he would have to find a way to sneak into the Forest of Death during the second phase of the Chunin Exams to face him. Until the Chunin exams took place in several months' time though, he would be spending his time getting himself back into peak physical condition, and training Naruto how to defend himself from his former teammate as well as researching for his next book.

That was all in the future however, he would have to get to Konoha first, and he couldn't get to Konoha if the pair of terminally stupid bandits who'd just leapt out of a bush while he'd been letting his mind wander kept blocking his way...

* * *

Tenzo nervously walked into the ANBU headquarters passing a rather unusual drawing done in permanent marker which had never been removed for some strange reason. One of the captains had said that it was a reminder. A reminder of what however, he had never learned as he had been absent on the day it had appeared during his first year as an ANBU, and nobody had bothered to inform him of where it had come from, assuming that he already knew. The reason he was so nervous at the moment was because he never asked for a leave of absence before, and wasn't entirely sure how his boss would react to him asking for one now. The fact that he would be leaving Konoha within months of the invasion which had been masterminded by Orochimaru who had used him as a test subject prior to being run out of the village would cast unnecessary suspicion on him as well when said invasion came.

He only had a couple months until Naruto went on the mission to Wave though, and therefore time was of the essence, meaning that he needed to find Tsunade and get the necklace from her as soon as possible. Finding her however was going to be only half (and the most time consuming half at that) of the problem. Convincing her to put the First Hokage's neclace up as stakes in a bet as Naruto had would be the other and far more difficult half. While Tsunade's miserable luck at gambling was legendary, she'd never put the necklace up as stakes in a bet before the incident with Naruto, and he himself did not possess Naruto's almost impossibly good luck.

Hopefully, the necklace wasn't cursed as it has long been rumored to have been because, he would be highly upset if he died before getting it to Naruto.

**Edited 10-9-12**


	3. Kakashi's Acts of Kindness

Naruto internally debated over whether or not to put the eraser in the doorjamb again. On the one hand, he was somewhat irritated over being made to wait for Kakashi, especially since he had forgotten to pack a lunch in his excitement at actually finding himself in the past, and was now going hungry, but, on the other hand, it wasn't up to his current pranking standards which were far higher than they had been when he was this age. The eraser would be a nice cheap shot that would relieve some of his irritation at yet again being made to wait but, he would be getting his revenge for that ass poke that would have been considered molestation if it hadn't been a jutsu tomorrow anyways. So, maybe instead of pulling something so juvenile, he should just add to the pranks he had planned, and get back at his perpetually tardy teacher for this then. In fact that, sounded like a better plan.

Coming to a decision, he left the eraser at the chalkboard and started pacing around the room, ignoring the strange looks he got from his teammates the first few times he went up one wall, across the ceiling, and back down the other wall. After waiting for what seemed like half an eternity, Kakashi finally arrived. In actuality, it had only been about three hours but, it hadn't felt like that as he'd taken to pacing around the room in different directions, and had invented a game that had involved not touching the floor.

The first thing his sensei did when he arrived was run over to him and start hugging the stuffing out of him. The hug was nice, heartwarming, exceedingly uncomfortable and frankly - once the reality of who was hugging him like that set in - fucking creepy. Then, after letting him go and giving Sasuke a glare that, if looks could kill, would have left a smoking pile of ashes where the boy was sitting, he told them to meet him on the roof and disappeared. Knowing it wouldn't be wise to show off too many skills he shouldn't have learned yet, he followed Sakura up the stairs instead of Shunshining after him.

Finally, after half of an afternoon of waiting, the team was seated as they had been four years earlier according to his personal timeline, and they were ordered to introduce themselves. Kakashi was just as vague as he had been the first time around, though he had looked at him and smiled when he was mentioning his likes, and glared at Sasuke when mentioning his dislikes, which was new. The only point of departure that he could think of that could have conceivably caused these new events to happen since he hadn't run into the man during his tour of the village earlier that day was the eraser he'd placed in the doorjamb the last time around. If he had known that sticking that eraser in the door would have made such a horrible first impression, he wouldn't have done it the first time, as it apparently seemed to be the reason why Sasuke had become his sensei's favorite student instead of him.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen. I especially like it when Iruka-sensei takes me to Ichiraku for ramen. I dislike traitorous, revenge obsessed bastards who decide to destroy an entire village because of the actions of a couple of its citizens, and the three minute wait for my instant ramen to be ready. My dream is to become the Hokage so I could be powerful enough to protect those who are precious to me!" he said, bouncing in his seat when Kakashi had indicated it was his turn to introduce himself.

"That was...unexpected." Kakashi said when he was finished, before turning and indicating it was Sakura's turn to introduce herself.

As far as he could remember, Sasuke and Sakura's introductions were the same as they had been the last time around, with Sakura squealing over Sasuke and yelling about hating him, and Sasuke doing that whole cool aloof Lone Avenger act. After the introductions, which Kakashi had frowned over, the man once again informed the team of the unexpected pop "survival test", handed handed them the forms that told them where to go the next morning, and warned them against eating breakfast as he had the last time as well before dismissing Sasuke and Sakura.

"Naruto, can you stay here for a minute, I have something for you." Kakashi said as he had turned to follow his new teammates.

"Okay." he replied, sitting back down and looking over the paper he'd been given as Kakashi disappeared. Considering how long the man liked to keep people waiting, he would give the man until he was finished reading the form he'd been given and then he'd leave, as there was no way in hell that he'd be willing wait the rest of the day for the man to return from whatever errand he'd been running. As he read the form that he'd been handed, he was glad that Jiraiya had sat him down and taught him to read properly when he had finally noticed that he was practically illiterate thanks to the caregivers and Academy instructors who had never really took the time to teach him how to read, and left him to his own devices in that area, since he could actually read the paper this time instead of making educated guesses at its contents.

"This is for you Naruto." Kakashi said the instant he returned when he was two-thirds of the way through the form he'd been given, giving him another hug and a huge bag full of what looked to be just about every kind of candy there ever was, including lots of the red ones like the one Chouji had given him when they first started at the Academy, giving him that bit of false hope before he learned that everything was going to be the same as it always was.

As he looked at the bag full of candy that he'd just received, he felt like he was going to cry. If he hadn't dropped that eraser on Kakashi the last time, the man would have liked him right away and given him candy. Considering that, maybe he shouldn't set all of those traps and pranks he was planning on getting Kakashi with tomorrow.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight." Tenzo's ANBU squad leader said. "You traveled back in time so you could prevent the fox brat from releasing the Kyuubi and, in order to do so, you need to find Tsunade the Slug Sannin and get the First Hokage's necklace from her because it has the power to control the fox?"

"Yes." he Tenzo replied with what had sounded like complete honesty.

Shaking his head at the tragedy that was unfolding before him, he scrawled "Leave approved for mental health reasons" across his subordinate's leave request form. Up until now, Tenzo had been completely reliable, and had previously shown absolutely no signs of having been anywhere close to snapping.

"Don't come back until you get your head straightened out, you hear me?" he said as he handed the poor man the paperwork he'd be needing. "You're a good man, and I'd hate to lose you."

As soon as Tenzo left, he began grumbling about how it was always the best ones that went completely whacko as he began on the paperwork he would have to give to the Hokage to make Tenzo's medical leave official. An hour later, he left his office and made his way toward the Hokage Tower, passing the drawing that a six year-old Uzumaki Naruto had done on the infamous day that he had somehow managed to sneak into ANBU headquarters and make his way as far as Torture and Interrogation where he had been caught drawing on a sleeping Morino Ibiki's head, on his way out.

He'd thought giving the kid the set of bright orange jumpsuits the next day had been a stroke of genius at the time. It had been supposed to make the boy easier to spot and therefore capture, and it had...For a while.

* * *

Kakashi discreetly followed Naruto home, noting which candies the boy ate first and which ones he gave away to the local children who had started trailing after him when they'd realized that the boy had candy and was willing to share. Seeing as they appeared to be Naruto's favorite, he'd have to get more of the cherry flavored suckers later, but first, he would have to buy Naruto some groceries so he would have something nutritious to eat as well since, if he remembered correctly, the only food the boy currently had that wasn't rotten was instant ramen. If Minato-sensei were alive right now, he'd be yelling at him for not doing something about the boy's poor diet, which had obviously contributed to his below average height, and Kushina would beat the crap out of him the instant Minato-sensei was through.

Once Naruto was safely in his apartment, and looked to be settling in for the evening, he made his way to the shopping district and entered the twenty-four hour market that catered to the needs of the local shinobi. Making his way through the store, he selected a wide variety of healthy foods that could be quickly and easily prepared by a twelve year old child. After he left the store, he waited until Naruto was asleep and let himself into the boy's apartment, hoping that the memories of his last visit wouldn't overwhelm him and distract him from the task at hand.

Once he was inside, he made his way to the miniscule kitchen area and started putting the groceries he'd purchased for the boy away, making room in the cupboards and refrigerator by chucking out any spoiled food he found. As he was doing this, a rather sleepy looking Naruto who'd apparently been woken up by the noise he was making caught him in the act.

"What the hell are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"I noticed that you were practically out of food, so I bought you some groceries." he replied as he put a box of breakfast cereal into one of the cupboards.

The boy's eyes narrowed in suspicion as he walked over and began inspecting the produce that was still on the counter. Finding nothing visibly wrong with it, he began carefully inspecting the canned goods in the next bag over. He then started inspecting the items that had already been placed in the fridge and cupboards. Apparently satisfied that the packages didn't appear to be compromised in any way, and that the safety seals had indicated that they hadn't been opened and resealed by ninjutsu, the boy moved towards an isolated corner of the kitchen.

"How much did all of this cost you?" Naruto asked.

When he had told the boy the cost, he'd looked surprised.

"Alright, what's wrong with it?" Naruto asked.

"Nothing, why?" he replied.

"I can't get even half as much for that price." Naruto said, sounding highly irritated.

He was barely able to control his anger, and his guilt at ignoring Naruto's situation even after he saw some of it first hand. He'd seen the fridge stocked with little more than mold and spoiled milk and the near-empty dresser the last time around. He'd seen how most of Naruto's furniture appeared to have been rescued from the curbside or the dumpster. He'd just chosen to ignore it. He wasn't going to ignore it this time though. He wasn't going to fail the boy again. He was going to do everything he could for Minato's son.

"It looks like I'll be having some words with some shop keepers then." he snarled, before he turned away and started angrily slamming canned fruit onto the nearest shelf.

* * *

Even though he could have continued going, Jiraiya got a room for the night. At the pace he was going, he'd be back in Fire country in a day or so, and in Konoha in another three. While he was traveling faster than most civilians could, he was not going all out despite the fact that he wanted to. If he went all-out, anyone who was keeping tabs on him would wonder why he was doing so, and those he most definitely did not want to alert to the fact that he was aware of their plans could become suspicious.

He still had time. There were still several more months before Orochimaru would bring himself out into the open, and therefore into a position of vulnerability. Hurrying up and waiting was not his style, and that was pretty much what he'd be doing if he ran to Konoha like he wanted to anyways. If he continued at the pace he was going, he would also have the peace and quiet of the open road in which he could plan before he found himself taking care of a loud, rambunctious twelve year-old when he arrived in Konoha three to five days from now.

He would be changing things so he could save Konoha, and more importantly, save his godson soon enough. For now though, this town possessed a rather nice hot spring, and many of the girls he had seen on his way to the inn were rather attractive. A relaxing evening of research to take his mind off of things would not go amiss. Besides, people would find it quite out of character for him to stop at a town with hot springs and not visit.

With that in mind, he left the room he'd rented and made his way to the hot springs. At this particular onsen, the men's and women's baths were separated by a wooden barrier. Instead of being discouraged, as most perverts would have been by the seemingly solid and impenetrable barrier that separated them from the heavenly view on the other side, he did as he had done several times before, and put some chakra into one of his fingers with which he then used to create a barely noticeable hole. He then carefully moved away from the hole that he had created and waited a moment to make sure that none of the women on the other side noticed the hole being made.

No general alarm went up in those moments he'd spent waiting to see if it was safe. In fact, all he could hear from the other side were some excited whispers and a bunch of feminine giggles. Deciding it was safe, he made his way back to the peep hole, and then looked through it. Unfortunately, something appeared to be blocking it on the other side.

Suddenly, there was a yell of "Crap, all I can see is an eye!" from the women's side of the baths.

**Edited 10-9-12**


	4. The Infamous Bell Test

Kakashi prepared the box lunches for the bell test with a rather vicious grin that was well hidden behind his mask. No matter how today went down, it was going to end with Sasuke being tied to the stump, and he was going to leave him there. He roughly pushed the thought about how he'd done the same to Naruto away as he arranged the food he'd made in a somewhat aesthetically pleasing manner. He was going to do things right this time, and Naruto would live to see his fourteenth birthday and beyond.

After the test, he would be going to the tailor's to check on the status of the second surprise he'd arranged for Naruto yesterday. Amongst the things he'd recovered from his former Sensei's house after the Kyuubi attack was a tiny outfit that Kushina had been making for her baby. When he'd asked her about it once in the weeks before she and Minato-sensei died, she had told him that it was a modified version of the outfits traditionally worn by children in Whirlpool. Remembering the outfit, he had come up with the idea of having a tailor create a nearly identical copy in Naruto's current size which didn't have pants that unsnapped, since Naruto had quit wearing diapers long ago, but had hidden pockets for concealing weapons, scrolls, explosive tags, and other useful items. Since blue and orange, which were the main colors of the outfit Kushina had made, appeared to be Naruto's favorite colors, he was reasonably certain that Naruto would like the surprise, as well as the other outfits he'd ordered that were based on the surprise.

After pulling himself out of his musings over his plans for later, he finished with the boxes, and set a note on top of the cherry tomatoes in one box telling Naruto to eat them in front of Sasuke before sharing his lunch with him, should he choose to do so. Satisfied at a job well done, he picked up his alarm clock and headed out to the field where his team had undoubtedly been waiting for hours, being the somewhat conscientious students that they were. While he'd felt a twinge of guilt at making Naruto wait, it was overpowered by a vicious satisfaction at making Sasuke and his annoying fangirl do so as well.

Despite the fact that it would just add more time to his students' wait, he headed to where his students were waiting for him after briefly stopping by the memorial stone to apologize to his old team for not showing up for the last day or so. Much to his surprise, only Sasuke and Sakura were there when he arrived.

An exclamation of "Crap, I don't believe it!" alerted him to Naruto's presence a moment later. When he turned to look, he saw that the boy was racing towards the meeting point, sweating, and practically out of breath. His coat looked even puffier that usual, indicating that he was carrying something in it. Moments later, Minato-sensei's son skidded to a halt six inches away from him and, since the team was more or less together, he explained the rules of the bell test. He was briefly disturbed by Naruto's grin at this point because, the last time he saw that particular smile, Kushina had gotten him with some water balloons filled with turquoise paint, and he still didn't know how the hell she had gotten the paint into the balloons in the first place.

After giving the rules and preparing to get the test underway, he was briefly surprised when Naruto didn't attack him with a Kunai right before he called a start to the test as he had the last time. But, considering the fact that his jacket hadn't been filled with whatever it was currently filled with the last time around, he shouldn't have been. After he indicated that it was time to begin, Sasuke and Sakura ran off and hid in the same spots as they had the last time he'd had to suffer through this test, and Naruto stood in front of him refusing to hide just as he had last time. This time however, instead of attacking him right away when he pointed out that he should have hid, the boy very carefully unzipped his jacket.

"Thank god these didn't break." Naruto sighed in relief as he looked down at the contents of his jacket. "I'd planned on giving one each to Sakura and the bastard but, I arrived too late to do so. Oh well."

After that little statement, he was immediately on guard. There were very few breakable weapons that would cause that kind of reaction in someone, just about all of them could put you in the intensive care unit at the very least, and Naruto was the only Genin he knew who would be crazy enough, and oblivious enough to the possible consequences to consider using them during this test. Preparing to dodge anything from a poisonous smoke bomb to an acid bomb, he was understandably confused when Naruto pulled an orange balloon out of his jacket. The moment of hesitation caused by him trying to process the situation and determine the potential lethality of the improvised weapon that Naruto had obviously manufactured himself had been long enough to result in him being hit point blank by a balloon filled with orange paint. As he was still trying to process what he'd been hit with because it had been the last thing he'd expected, he was rapidly hit by two more balloons while he rather stupidly looked down at the large orange splotch on his vest.

Instead of pausing to laugh his ass off as he admired his handiwork as he expected the boy to do afterward, and as his mother would have done, Naruto made a dash for the bells. This move had of course been unexpected, and he barely dodged in time, and almost didn't feel the boy's other hand go into his side pouch as he was pulling away.

Noticing his side pouch was much lighter as he began to retreat to a safe distance, he made a desperate grab for the boy's arm. Somehow, in a move that was too fast for him to see with his Sharingan eye covered, he ended up with only the boy's now empty jacket. Naruto was already several feet away holding his precious, one of a kind, signed first edition copy of Icha Icha Paradise. If he hadn't known that knowledge of how to do the Hiraishin had been restricted to the Hokage's Guard after Naruto's father had died, he would have looked near the boy's feet for one of his Sensei's special summoning kunai.

"Crap, it's an old one." Naruto said, turning the purloined book over in his hands as he examined it. "And you've already read it at least twice. It looks like I'll have to get the bells the hard way since I can't threaten to give the ending away."

The boy then stood up and grinned rather evilly before he ran off at top speed towards where the traitor Uchiha was hiding. Watching Naruto run, he could see that Naruto was nearly as fast as his father. Until now, he hadn't entirely believed the stories about the boy running rings around other ANBU operatives for hours on end, and had thought that the other teams had either been slacking off or exaggerating since he'd always been able to catch the boy within the first thirty minutes of the chase. Watching the kid run, he could now see why he'd garnered so much admiration for such a feat.

Once Naruto reached the trees, he practically flew up the trunk of a rather stately oak like a squirrel and went across the small wood that surrounded the training field leaping from tree branch to tree branch on all fours. As he watched, he found that he was having a hell of a time keeping up track of the energetic boy without revealing his Sharingan which was somewhat amazing since the boy wasn't using any Chakra to boost his speed whatsoever.

"Hey Sasuke, if you want a bell, you'd better keep this away from Kakashi!" Naruto yelled as he threw his precious book into the clump of bushes where the traitorous little snake was hiding as he passed.

The Uchiha boy barely managed to catch the book. When he did, the little bastard took one look at the lurid orange cover, dropped it, and kicked it into the bushes. Big mistake, very big mistake. He'd planned on using this test as an excuse to beat the crap out of the traitorous brat but, the little bastard had just made it a dozen times worse for himself. Nobody disrespects the book, nobody.

The stupid look on the soon to be traitor's face when he saw him bearing down on him was absolutely priceless. So was the stunned shock when the Uchiha brat learned he wasn't anywhere near as strong or as talented as he believed himself to be. The boy was practically black and blue by the time the timer went off. After the timer went off, he'd tied the boy to the stump a bit more tightly than necessary. He didn't cut off the traitor's breathing or circulation, so he should be fine.

After he gave his little "You failed but, you get another chance after lunch as long as you don't feed Sasuke" speech, Naruto and Sakura did as expected and the team passed. He'd planned on passing them anyways since he wasn't going to ruin Naruto's dream by sending him back to the Academy where he would be rejected by every other Jonin sensei who only saw either the damned fox instead of the boy or his reputation for being completely incompetent when he graduated again, and because he would be in the best position to deal with the traitor if he set one toe out of line this time around. The nearly useless Sasuke fangirl was just extra baggage as far as he was concerned.

Once the Genin were finished eating, he decided to ask Naruto the two questions that had been bothering him since the test.

"Naruto?" he said, getting the boy's attention.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"How exactly did you get the paint into those balloons?" he asked.

That question had been bothering him for longer than the boy had been alive. He'd regretted not asking Kushina, because the woman had seemingly taken the secret with her to her grave.

"Funnel." Naruto replied as if the answer were so obvious that even a two year old would get it.

"Can I ask you another question?" he asked.

"Sure." Naruto said.

"What exactly did you mean about threatening to give the ending of my book away?" he asked wondering exactly how the boy had known the book's ending considering the fact that it was forbidden to minors, and the bookstores that sold it had seals to prevent said minors from purchasing copies of their own.

Naruto gazed over his shoulder, looking as if he were trying to think of an answer. His eyes suddenly widened in "shock" and he pointed to something off in the distance behind him.

"Look! It's a flying purple people eater!" Naruto yelled before turning and running away so fast that even Minato-sensei would have been left in the dust.

* * *

_That was too close_. Naruto thought as he ran faster than he even thought possible. As he rounded a corner on his way to one of his better hiding spots - taking the ground route as going via the rooftops would have just about every shinobi in Konoha chasing after him because he looked guilty even though such a chase would be futile for most of them - he ran right into Yamato-taicho and sent the poor man flying. The pack the man had been carrying burst open and emptied itself, scattering a couple changes of clothes and a bunch of other supplies including a couple storage scrolls across and down the street.

"Sorry Ya..uh, sorry." he said as he helped the man up, briefly upset at himself for almost slipping up and relieved that he caught himself in time. He wasn't supposed to know Yamato-taicho or Tenzo or whatever the hell he called himself just yet.

"It's okay Naruto, I know you didn't mean it. If you can help me pick my stuff up, I would appreciate it." Yamato-taicho replied.

While he didn't wonder at how Yamato-taicho had known his name as everyone in the village did, he did wonder at the fact that the man was being polite towards him instead of screaming and swearing at him for running into him. But, then again, Yamato-taicho was relatively laid back and wasn't really one for screaming at people. When he really wanted to make his displeasure with you known, he'd give you this creepy stare that made your skin crawl.

Glad that Yamato-taicho was being nice and wasn't giving him that creepy eyed stare that made his skin crawl, he raced around and started gathering the fallen items that had spilled from the man's pack. After piling the last shirt beside the bag, he started shaking the dirt off of it and folding it.

"Are you going on a trip?" he asked, curious.

"Yes, I have some business outside of the village that I need to take care of." Yamato-taicho replied.

Soon, everything was packed back into Yamato-taicho's bag, and the man was on his way. After bidding Yamato-taicho farewell, he walked off in the opposite direction pondering about his day as he made his way to the hiding spot he had originally set out for. Like yesterday, today had been rather interesting. Last night, after he had confirmed the night before that there was nothing wrong with the groceries or the new rice cooker that Kakashi had bought him and refused repayment for after the man left, he had gone back to bed guilty about being so suspicious. Kakashi had never bought him groceries during the last time around however but, the man had brought him vegetables that had looked as if they'd been swiped from someone's garden a few times so it wasn't like it would have been completely out of character for him to have done such a good deed.

That morning, since he knew Kakashi wouldn't be showing up at the training field until it was nearly eleven, he had decided to sleep in a bit. After getting up a half hour after he was supposed to show up according to the instructions he had been given, he had showered, and ate a leisurely breakfast. Feeling slightly guilty considering how nice Kakashi had been the afternoon before, he got out the funnel, the balloons, and the paint. The paint balloons had been only one of the numerous pranks he'd originally planned to set up at the training field before Kakashi arrived but, he'd nixed the rest of them because the man had been so nice to him, and almost hadn't done this one either.

He'd been rather stunned when he'd shown up at ten-thirty and Kakashi had already been present. He'd never arrived later than Kakashi before, never. When the bell test started, Sasuke and Sakura behaved exactly as they had the last time, or at least he thought they did, since he could only vaguely remember the specifics of the test. Instead of getting into a losing fight with Kakashi this time around though, he had brought out his arsenal of paint balloons. His gut had clenched in guilt when he threw the second and the third balloons before he made his attempt at the bells and came up with a backup plan based on his and Sakura's victory during the second bell test on the fly because, Kakashi-sensei had looked so stunned when the first balloon had hit him.

When Kakashi grabbed at him and caught the sleeve of his jacket after he'd grabbed the book in his weapons pouch, he'd shot out of the too large jacket that he'd picked for just that reason in a maneuver that had left one or two ANBU scratching their heads before they had caught on after he'd purchased his latest orange tracksuit. After noticing that the book he'd grabbed was one of Kakashi's well worn favorites rather than a new copy, he changed his plan on the go as he usually did.

Racing off at a speed he usually reserved for fleeing the scene of a prank, he headed to Sasuke's hiding place. He'd thought that if the two of them could play keep-away for a while and get Sakura involved, Kakashi might get frustrated enough to hand the bells over as ransom. The team would then pass because of their teamwork, which was the whole point of the exercise. Instead of cooperating, the stupid, revenge obsessed bastard had drop-kicked the book.

Knowing Kakashi and how he felt about his beloved one of a kind signed first edition volumes, much less his less expensive and more common back up copies that he brought on missions, that had been an extremely dangerous mistake. Kakashi, as expected, expressed his dislike of Sasuke's action in a manner that looked exceedingly painful for the Uchiha boy who had been on the receiving end of their sensei's ire. Sasuke had looked a bit like a raccoon when he'd finally been let up so he could be tied to the stump at lunch.

When Kakashi started interrogating him after lunch about how he could have known how Ero-Senin's book had ended, he panicked since he had tried to stay as far away from said book and its companions as he could get when he was last this age. Knowledge of such literature would have been completely out of character for him at this point in time, and could potentially raise red flags that would get him caught. That panic had led to him yelling the first stupid thing that came to mind in a pitiful attempt at distraction and running off. As he'd raced towards a place where he could hide and hopefully wait until the potential fallout from his actions during the bell test blew over, he'd ended up running into Yamato-taicho - who was setting out on what looked to be a long journey - in the middle of town.

Looking up now, he could see that he was at his preselected hiding spot, his feet having taken him here more or less automatically as he brought himself back to the present after mentally recounting his less than routine day in hopes of getting a handle on it.

Less than ten minutes after he'd hidden himself and started settling into what promised to be a long wait until Kakashi either forgot his little mistake or got distracted by something else, Pakkun showed up, and Kakashi arrived a few seconds later. He knew that this was going to be bad. If that eraser had caused Kakashi to pretty much ignore him and foist him off on Ebisu at the first opportunity during the Chunin exams, then relations were going to be downright frosty because of the paint and the fact that he'd dared touch one of the man's most precious books.

"There you are." Kakashi said, before he hopped up into the tree he was currently sitting in and sat down beside him while he was still frozen to the spot wondering how much worse things would be between him and his new Sensei this time around.

He scooted away and prepared to run. Kakashi didn't look pissed about his actions during the bell test but, he wasn't about to test that theory.

"You're not in any trouble." Kakashi said as he put his arm firmly around his shoulders, effectively preventing him from escaping. "I know you're afraid that you'll be in trouble for reading a book that's meant for adults but, I understand that you were curious. As you know, the Icha Icha series was written for a more mature audience, and there were probably many things you didn't understand. If you have any questions..."

"Questions?" he asked, wondering where the rising feeling of dread was coming from.

"Well you see, when a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman for that matter love each other very much..." Kakashi began.

_Oh dear God, he's giving me The Talk! _he thought as he began to try and squirm out from under Kakashi's arm. No such luck. Kakashi had him in a vice-like grip. This was obviously the man's idea of revenge for his having taken the book, and he would be forced to sit through all of it.

_Please don't bring out the visuals like Ero-Senin did. Please don't bring out the visuals like Ero-Senin did_. he silently prayed as Kakashi began to explain the purpose of foreplay.

**Edited 10-31-12**


	5. The Week After

Sasuke rubbed his chafed wrists and sighed in relief after Sakura cut the wire that bound him to the post when she was reasonably certain that their new Sensei was long gone. Before he'd departed, his new Sensei had left him with a great deal to think about. The first of which, was the fact that the man didn't seem to practically worship the ground that he walked on like his Academy Instructors barring Iruka, who treated all of his students based on their actual performance rather than their clan affiliation, had done. In fact, his new instructor seemed to hate him.

After Hatake-Sensei had informed him that the team had passed when Naruto and Sakura had shared their lunches - which were sadly devoid of the tasty cherry tomatoes he'd watched Naruto eating - with him, the man had told them that "Those who break the rules are trash, and those who abandon or betray their teammates are worse than trash". The man had been looking directly at him when he'd said that.

After Naruto had run off rather than explain how he knew the contents of that dirty book that belonged to their new Sensei and Sakura had left, the man turned to look at him as he struggled with his unusually complicated bonds which had resisted all attempts at the rope-shredding technique.

"Did you know it was an Uchiha who had told me that?" the man had asked after studying him for a few seconds.

"Told you what?" he'd asked.

"Those who break the rules are trash. Those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash." the man had replied.

"Hn." he'd said noncommittally, replying how he usually did when someone recounted a tale involving one of the members of his clan, usually to show their "understanding" of his loss.

"Obito gave his life for his teammates, and his village during the war." the man had said. "When the time comes, would you do the same?"

He'd given another noncommittal "Hn."

"Thought so. More's the pity since, when the older generation think of the Uchiha, the first thing that comes to mind are those amongst your clan who were willing to die for the village and risked their lives daily to protect its people." the man had said coldly before he'd turned and walked away leaving him tied to the stump.

He'd then spent the next half hour wondering if he would be willing to die for Konoha. If he did so too soon however, he would never get his revenge against Itachi, and his clan would never be avenged. That vengeance had been his reason for existence for the past four and a half years. Could he die for something as ephemeral as "the village" and a pair of morons that he disliked, knowing he'd failed in his quest? Would he be willing to die for Konoha after he'd avenged his clan?

Feeling vaguely guilty that the answer to both questions seemed to be "No", he brushed past Sakura without thanking her and headed home, ignoring her pleas for a date.

* * *

During the week following the Bell Test, things had been interesting for Naruto to say the least. The morning after the bell test, Kakashi had given him an "Even though you covered me in orange paint and took my book I still like you" hug and a cherry sucker on the way to the team's usual rendezvous point. Learning that Kakashi paradoxically hadn't hated him for pranking him had taken a great deal of weight off his shoulders that he hadn't known he was carrying. After trying to sort out why this might be, he finally figured that Kakashi had decided to call them even after he had forced him to sit through The Talk for over two hours. With a relieved smile over the fact that his sensei didn't hate him, he raced ahead so he wouldn't arrive after Kakashi again. Being later than Kakashi was just too weird for words.

Iruka-sensei had seen that hug by some odd coincidence, and his reaction to it had been downright...unusual. The minute Kakashi had dismissed the team at the end of the day's training, Iruka had come over and led him to a nearby park. When they'd reached the park, Iruka had led him to a relatively isolated spot and looked around as if he was afraid of being overheard. Once he was pretty sure that they were alone, he started giving him the lecture on the "bad" kind of touching that the Old Man Hokage had given him after a certain incident when he was five. Naturally, he found this to be far more embarrassing than receiving The Talk from Kakashi who - much to his relief - hadn't brought out visuals as Ero-Senin had when he'd given him The Talk during their training trip.

He'd been completely puzzled as to why he was receiving this lecture until Iruka-sensei had started asking strange questions about Kakashi. Iruka had thought Kakashi was one of _Those _kind of perverts! The thought of Kakashi being like _that_ had been too alien to process, so he did the only thing he could at the time, he started laughing and he didn't stop until he nearly passed out from lack of oxygen. It didn't help Kakashi-sensei's case any that Iruka-sensei knew him well enough to know his smile was a mask to cover his pain and loneliness more often than not and that his laughter was often a cover for embarrassment and discomfort.

Because he knew him so well, Iruka-sensei had taken his hysterical laughter to be a clear sign that there was something seriously wrong. Rather than taking his laughter to mean that the exceedingly uncomfortable conversation had just gone way past embarrassing and was rapidly heading off into uncharted territory as it had, Iruka had come to the mistaken conclusion that Kakashi had been molesting him and started seriously interrogating him. Seeing the look on Iruka's face after he'd told him that nothing had happened and that the hug he'd seen earlier that day had been an apology for making him sit and listen to The Talk for over two hours when he'd tried to reassure him and tell him that things with Kakashi-sensei were fine, he knew he'd said something wrong.

"Two hours?" Iruka yelled. "Two hours? The lesson on biology as it pertains to human reproduction is only an hour long! What the hell was he talking about for the other hour?"

"Um, the other stuff." he'd replied, turning slightly red.

During the talk from the day before, Kakashi had not merely gone over the purpose and basic mechanics of sexual intercourse as the Academy had done during one of the lessons he'd skipped, but had given him the advanced lecture which included information on the prevention of unwanted pregnancies and the various diseases one could contract as well as information on a couple of the not-so-basic positions. Aside from the lack of mortifyingly embarrassing visuals, the Talk he'd received from Kakashi-sensei had been rather similar to the one he'd received from Ero-senin on his fourteenth birthday. Being forced to sit through either lecture was an experience that he'd rather forget.

"What other stuff?" Iruka asked, looking as if he were dreading the answer.

"You know, the stuff that's in those perverted books he likes to read." he mumbled, trying to end the conversation, not wanting to continue this discussion as he had wanted to forget the embarrassment of Kakashi's lecture and put it behind him.

The look on Iruka's face when he'd stormed off at that point had been positively murderous. When he was called into the Hokage's office the next morning, both Iruka and a somewhat bruised Kakashi were there. Both men were dismissed upon his arrival, and the Hokage had set up a bunch of privacy seals before speaking with him. Apparently, after he'd stormed away the evening before, Iruka had beaten the crap out of a very surprised Kakashi, and had leveled some pretty serious allegations against him.

After a long conversation with the old man Hokage during which he was practically interrogated about The Talk, the hugging, and the gifts Kakashi-sensei had been giving him, he was finally released and Kakashi had been called in. After an hour during which he'd anxiously waited outside, afraid of what could happen to his sensei thanks to an unfortunate misunderstanding, the one-eyed Jounin left the Hokage's office with an odd look in his eye and a book on parenting in his hand. When the old man Hokage had explained to Iruka that it had all been one hell of a misunderstanding afterward, his former sensei apparently didn't believe him because, he had taken to following him every spare minute he had, and rather closely scrutinizing his interactions with Kakashi whenever he was in the vicinity.

* * *

Jiraiya smiled as he finally reached the gates of a still standing Konoha. The journey here both had and hadn't been arduous as the points that defined his trip depended on when one considered it to have begun but, he was finally home. What to do first? Find an apartment, talk to his godson, then do some research? Find his godson, get an apartment together, then research? Research and save everything else for later since the information he had would be spoiled if he moved too soon meaning that it had to wait?

What the hell had he been thinking? Research first of course! He'd been walking all day and he wasn't in the mood to go tromping around town this late in the afternoon searching for either Naruto or an apartment or both.

Plan decided upon, he went to find the small knothole in the fence on the women's side of one of the local onsen which had been there for generations. Naruto could wait for a while, as he'd waited for longer before, he could get a room at a hotel for the evening, and Orochimaru wasn't going to be here for months. Research came first.

* * *

Tenzo sighed as he glanced around the bar. Contrary to the information he had been given, Tsunade wasn't there. Or she wasn't in the more public area of the bar at least. Maybe she would be found enjoying the unregulated gambling in the back room...

Sighing, he made his way to the back where a slightly less than legit craps game was taking place. She wasn't in the back room.

Time to check the next bar.

Sighing in frustration once more, he left. He had spent a week drifting from town to town and so far his search had been fruitless, and it could take several more weeks or months of relentless searching before he found his target. At night, he had nightmares where he went searching from town to town practically forever just one step behind Tsunade, failed to get the necklace from her in time, and instead of releasing less than a tail of the Kyuubi's power, Naruto ended up completely losing control and turning the completely freed Kyuubi loose on the helpless land of Wave.

* * *

Kakashi practically melted at the look of appreciation in Naruto's eyes as he handed him the newly completed outfit that he'd just picked up from the tailor. It had definitely been worth the expense. All in all, the outfit which had been modeled on the clothes that the boy's mother had made for him wasn't half bad, and Naruto clearly appreciated it if the way he was turning around in front of the mirror was any indication.

The loose, embroidered top that went down to just below Naruto's knees, as he'd apparently grown a few centimeters in the year between now and his death since the top was supposed to come to his knees, had several nearly invisible pockets hidden amongst the elaborate embroidered wave and leaf design, and had the full Uzumaki clan symbol rather than the general one for Uzushogakure that was on Naruto's old clothing stitched onto the back of it nearly as large as the Uchiha fan was on the Uchiha brat's shirts. The flame orange pants that went with the top weren't too tight or so loose that they hindered Naruto's movement like with the over-sized tracksuit the boy always wore, even though the cuffs had to be rolled up.

"I had some extra tops and pants made in a similar style, though not nearly as elaborate as those. There's two orange, one blue and one green top all with the Uzumaki clan symbol. There is also one other pair of pants in orange two in blue, and one in green." he said as he held out another one of the bags he'd brought with him when he'd come to his student's apartment after leaving the tailor's shop.

At this, Naruto showed his appreciation for the gifts he'd just received by giving him one of the flying tackle hugs he usually reserved for Iruka. Smiling behind his mask, he returned the hug. He continued to smile throughout the meal of Instant Ramen that Naruto had offered him afterward. That Naruto had been willing to share his precious ramen with him had been a clear sign that he had indeed been truly grateful for the gifts he had received.

The instant he left Naruto's apartment building, Iruka stepped out of the shadows of a nearby alley and accosted him.

"How did you know Naruto's measurements?" Iruka asked, not even bothering to mask his suspicion.

_I measured him for his clothes for his funeral because you couldn't do it, and the Hokage didn't force you to._ he thought as memories he'd been trying to forget had come unbidden.

That day had been horrible. Iruka had been nearly as broken as him at that time, and possibly even more so. Naruto had been a bit like a son and a little brother rolled into one to the scarred Chunin, had been the first of his students to die, and at the hands of another of his students no less. In the state he'd been in, Iruka had been unable to face seeing Naruto's body again, and so out of the few people Tsunade could trust with the task, it had fallen to him to take the measurements. After he had refused to acknowledge the Hokage's summons three times, Shizune had come to his apartment carrying a black edged storage scroll that had contained Naruto's body and forced him to get out of bed to do the task. His student. His fault. His responsibility.

He would of course be telling the current Iruka none of this.

"I checked his clothing size when I put away the groceries I brought him while he was out. I then measured a couple outfits in those sizes, added a couple inches for future growth so he didn't need new clothes right away, and gave my estimates to the tailor." he said, making up his answer on the fly.

Iruka clearly didn't buy his explanation. Probably because all of Naruto's old clothes were over-sized. He'd known his answer was a lame one the instant he'd uttered it but, it had been all he'd been able to come up with as he'd tried to tamp down memories that didn't belong now that he'd been given a second chance to make things right. Memories of things that would never happen again.

The second Iruka lunged for him, he ran for it. Sticking around when the Umino was like this was inadvisable. The man was at least twice as strong as usual when it came to defending Naruto, and was willing to protect Naruto both in life and in death. After the boy's funeral, the man had singlehandedly stared down the mob that had come to object to the fact Naruto had been buried beside his father. Going up against Iruka when he was like this was pointless, and would most likely end with him being hospitalized, which he definitely did not need right now.

He could understand Iruka's suspicions in regards to his intentions towards Minato-sensei's son. His 'sudden" interest in a child he had gone out of his way to avoid for the past twelve years would seem highly unusual to anybody who knew him. But, he just wished that Iruka would go back to being mad at him for something he had actually done. At least then, he would have earned the beating he was sure to eventually receive.

Getting a drink and waiting for Iruka to cool off sounded like a good plan right about now.

* * *

When he arrived at the bar, Maito Gai had come over to where Kakashi was seated by himself with the vague idea of challenging him to a drinking contest. From the look in Kakashi's eye as he swirled the drink in his glass, something was wrong. Considering the rumors that had been making their way through the ranks lately, he had a feeling that Kakashi's mood had something to do with Iruka's accusations.

"What's wrong?" he asked his eternal rival when he reached the booth that the man was holed up in. Standing in front of his rival as he currently was, he could clearly see that now was not the time for such things as drinking contests.

"If, say that Hyuuga you have on your Genin team for instance, decided to betray Konoha and killed that clone of yours Rock Lee and you went back in time to prevent it, how would you react when you saw the Hyuuga boy and Lee again? How would you treat your students knowing one could kill one or both of his teammates at any time and your time with Lee could be cut short all too soon?" Kakashi asked looking at him in a manner that indicated that his question was entirely serious, and that he was asking for an honest answer from a friend rather than a fun answer from his Eternal Rival.

At first, the question threw him. Of all the things Kakashi could be upset about, that was what he had been brooding over? It seemed so completely random and off the wall until he thought about it for a second, trying to see "underneath the underneath" as Kakashi was fond of saying. Now that he was looking beneath the surface, he could see that Kakashi clearly thought that one of his students was a danger to the others and believed that it would be a short time before said student murdered or at the very least seriously injured one or both of his teammates.

"Why would Neji betray Konoha?" he asked trying to get more information so he could formulate a response that could possibly help ease his friend's worries.

"He was offered power so he could get revenge for something that happened in his past." Kakashi replied.

"Why would Lee die?" He asked, hoping for more clarification as Kakashi's answer to the first question had been vague enough to be a reference to either the Uchiha boy or the Jinchuriki since both boys had events in their pasts that they could want revenge for.

"He thought Neji was his friend for some strange reason, and went to get him back." Kakashi replied sadly, looking into his drink once more.

Still too vague. But then there were Kakashi's actions to consider. Iruka had accused Kakashi of being a pedophile because he had taken to constantly hugging the fox child, which was rather out of character for the man. There had, of course been some raised eyebrows when he himself had started hugging Lee to show his support, and appreciation for a job well done. He would've hugged his other students as well if they didn't run at the first sign that he was about to do so. Would Kakashi be more likely to hug someone he thought needed a reminder that there was someone there for them, or would he be more likely to hug someone he was afraid he was going to lose? Seeing as Kakashi wasn't really one for showing physical displays of affection, he honestly didn't know the answer to that question.

Not knowing exactly which way to go on that question, he decided to consider what little he knew of Kakashi's students. The Uchiha boy had been the only survivor of the Uchiha massacre besides the perpetrator, was the top rookie of his year, and was known to be somewhat aloof. Aside from that, the boy was an almost complete cypher. He knew almost nothing about the pink haired girl, and Kakashi had indicated that the likely murderer would be male. After a long series of pranks that had grown increasingly destructive as time passed, the fox brat had recently defaced the Hokage Monument and had also rather recently gotten into trouble for stealing a scroll of forbidden jutsu. Both of those activities hinted at something much darker than the pranks they'd been passed off as.

"So, is Uzumaki going to be a danger to anyone else?" he asked, wondering if he should warn his team about the boy who'd recently started showing up to talk to Lee and Tenten out of the blue.

The crunching sound of Kakashi's glass breaking in his hand startled him as did the way Kakashi was looking at him. The man's glare was positively murderous.

"Why is it when there is trouble, everyone blames Naruto?" Kakashi asked coldly. "He is completely loyal to the Village, his teammates, what few real friends he has, and almost none of them have repaid him in kind. Despite all that he has been through, Naruto would sooner kill himself than betray Konoha or his teammates."

He decided it would be best to retreat at that point as he'd apparently put his foot in his mouth. He'd obviously given the wrong answer and hit a seriously raw nerve in regards to the Uzumaki. Noticing that Asuma and Kurenai were sitting together at the bar, he indicated that he was going to head over and talk to them, before he practically ran off.

"What was that all about?" Asuma asked as soon as he reached them.

"The Uchiha boy has said or done something to make Kakashi believe that he's going to snap and kill his teammates." he replied, wondering how the hell he managed to miss such an important clue when Kakashi had been talking to him.

Kakashi had used the member of one of Konoha's most powerful clans who had been wronged by family as an example of the possible murderer and his most devoted student who had to overcome discrimination due to his so called disability as the possible victim. His beloved student who had been considered a loser and the Dead Last back in the Academy. The parallels were pretty damn obvious.

"Why was he upset at you though?" Kurenai asked.

"He'd been trying to hint at it rather than say it outright, and I misread the clues he was giving me and guessed that he'd been talking about the Uzumaki boy." he replied.

"Why would Kakashi get so worked up about that?" Kurenai asked.

"My father did offer Kakashi custody of the boy at one point after there was an incident at the orphanage he was living at at the time which had resulted in the child no longer being welcome on the premises. There must've been a reason for him to do so, and it is possible that Kakashi was close to one or both of the boy's parents before they died. If he felt that the child of the person he had been close to was in danger, it would be quite likely for him to be upset. It also explains why he acts so out of character in regards to the boy." Asuma said thoughtfully.

"He only started showing affection towards the boy shortly after Mizuki attempted to murder him in an attempt to frame him for the theft of that scroll, probably out of guilt that he hadn't been there to protect him as he felt he should have. Considering the fact that Kakashi generally keeps people at arm's length, and the only other time I remember Kakashi going through a sudden personality change was after that teammate of his died, the incident must have severely shaken him." Asuma continued, looking down at his own drink contemplatively.

**Edited 11-1-12**


	6. Apartment Hunting and Paranoid Iruka

Jiraiya was up bright and well...not exactly early that morn...er, afternoon. After giving his clothes a sniff test and finding the marginally acceptable, he dressed, declared himself ready for the day, left the room he'd rented the night before, and made his way out into the village. He purchased his breakfast/late lunch along with a newspaper at a nearby 24 hour Shinobi Mart after waiting in line for ten minutes while a Chunin argued with the clerk about returning some kunai he'd purchased there the day before, apparently too blind to see the NO REFUNDS sign the harried civilian kept pointing at. After wolfing down his slightly stale roll and gulping down the cup of lukewarm coffee, he turned to the Apartments For Rent section of the classifieds and circled several likely options. He then crossed off two of the circled selections after realizing upon further reflection that they were actually coded messages one arranging a time for when a young couple would be eloping and the other from a ninja who was holding his teammate's dog for ransom. After he was done, he went in search of his former/future student since he planned on bringing him along when he viewed the selected apartments as the kid would be living with him.

After he broke in and established that Naruto wasn't home, he headed out to Team 7's favorite training ground. Kakashi had been the first to greet him when he arrived as his Genin had been much too busy training to do more than make an idle note of his presence as they continued with their tree-climbing lesson.

"Jiraiya-sama. This is an unexpected surprise." Kakashi said, looking truly surprised.

"I just dropped by to see how my godson was doing, and if he was available to go apartment hunting with me." he replied, getting straight to the point.

"Will you be training him then?" Kakashi asked in a rather guarded tone.

"Maybe in my spare time. I won't be removing him from your team just yet." he replied.

"Naruto, get out of that tree, there's someone I'd like you to meet." Kakashi called over to the the boy, who supposedly hadn't learned tree-walking until the disastrous mission to Wave that his former/future student hadn't liked talking about according to the reports he had read and the scant accounts he had heard from the boy, rather than continue questioning him.

He didn't know how it had happened but, Kakashi had seemed far more intent on training Naruto during the fifteen minutes he'd watched Team 7 work than he had in Naruto's stories of the man and what little of Naruto's training he'd seen during the last time around. It was possible that back then he'd caught his student's student during a bad month and that Naruto had complained about Kakashi so much because he didn't think he had gotten enough one-on-one training from him and thought that the man was focusing on the Uchiha boy with whom he'd had an ongoing rivalry too much. This theory was more plausible when he considered the fact that after the training trip, the Hatake had spent weeks helping Naruto master his Elemental Manipulation techniques and improve the Rasengan. Because Kakashi seemed intent so intent on training Naruto, he felt secure in mostly leaving him in the young man's hands for the most part. The fact remained that he needed to train himself so he could be prepared for the coming confrontation with Orochimaru.

At Kakashi's call, the blond haired boy who wasn't in his ubiquitous jumpsuit, but rather wearing an outfit he'd never seen before which consisted of a green top with the Uzumaki clan symbol on the back and orange pants raced over looking excited. When he stopped a foot away from where he and the Hatake were standing, he noticed that the boy had a mischievous look in his eye that swiftly vanished.

"Who's this Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, looking so much like his mother at that moment, that he began to sweat.

"This is your godfather, the Toad Sage Jiraiya. He's been away hunting a missing-nin for the last eleven and a half years." Kakashi replied.

"Nice to meet you Jiraiya." Narto said grinning in a manner which was more reminiscent of his father than his mother which upped his panic level several notches since, while Minato generally wasn't one for pulling pranks, he'd learned the hard way to watch out for that particular smile the few times it had revealed itself.

"Say Naruto, how would you like to stay in a better apartment for a while?" he asked. "Since I'm your godfather, I'm responsible for several things and your care and feeding is one of them which I'll be able to tend to now since I'll be in town for some time, and will be needing a new apartment anyways."

"What about my plants?" Naruto asked, not asking a single question about him or the apartment they'd ostensibly be living in.

He had a vague feeling that he should find that to be rather worrisome, considering the fact that the boy was quite willing to move in with a person he'd just met, godfather or no.

"You can bring them with us." he replied, knowing that that was the only response he could give in regards to the things.

He remembered that Naruto's plants, some of which had lived in his apartment, and others of which had lived in a makeshift greenhouse on the roof of the building, had been the boy's pride and joy. Tending to those plants was one of the few hobbies that the boy enjoyed outside of training. The look on Naruto's face when he entrusted his plants to the few friends he had before he left Konoha for three years of training had been pitiful.

"Okay." Naruto said, grinning brightly.

And, with that, the matter of housing was settled as far as Naruto was concerned. All that was left was actually finding a place to live.

* * *

Naruto smiled. Today had gone quite nicely if he said so himself. He had managed to get a certain cheap bastard who had a habit of emptying his Gama-chan rather than spending his own money to shell out for a two-bedroom apartment and, Jiraiya had done something perverted enough during the hunt for said apartment for him to be able to start calling him by his old nickname. A nickname that the man hated just as much this time around as he had the last time.

"Ero-Senin, what time should I start bringing my stuff over tomorrow?" he asked the second Jiraiya had finished signing the lease.

"How many times have I asked you to stop calling me that?" Jiraiya said in annoyance.

"Five." he replied, knowing it had been many more before he had finally given up about a year and a half before he died. It had only been five in this time-line however.

"You can start bringing your crap over after you finish with your day's training." Jiraiya replied with a sigh. "I've got to go meet with the Hokage about something now, so I'll meet up with you later."

"Wait a minute? He's going to be living here?" the apartment manager said, finally catching on to what they had been talking about, apparently having been too absorbed in getting all of the paperwork in order before now to pay any attention to their conversation.

"Yeah, the kid's going to be staying with me. I'll pay an extra pet deposit or whatever. It's not like he'll be a problem or anything." Jiraiya replied casually.

There was a dangerous look in his eyes that belied his tone however, and he was now playing with a kunai that he hadn't been holding a moment ago. The manager who lived in a ninja village and was therefore forced to interact with ninja on a regular basis, especially since several of his tenants were ninja, was only barely cowed, which was rather commendable considering the Sannin's reputation.

"But he's the..." the manager weakly protested, cutting himself off before he said something that would get himself killed.

"The Forth Hokage asked me to look after him before he died. I kinda got caught up in chasing after a certain traitor for quite some time but, I recently got my priorities straight and I decided to come back and keep my promise. If you make things harder for me..." Jiraiya said in a slightly more threatening tone, no longer playing with the kunai which was still in his hand.

Those had apparently been the magic words, as the manager had then swallowed all of his objections.

"Fine." the manager said. "But, if he damages anything, you're paying for it."

With that, Jiraiya grumbled as he payed the pet deposit the manager had taken him up on. When the Sannin was finished with the extra paperwork on which he had been listed as a pet fox, they both went their separate ways. As he was heading towards his apartment to pack, he ran into Iruka. Accepting Iruka's offer of ramen, he followed his best friend and first father-figure to Ichiraku's.

* * *

After they had arrived at Ichiraku's and made their orders, Iruka asked Naruto about his day. Naruto grinned and brightly and cheerily chattered at him about how he helped his teammates in the tree climbing exercise and how he had helped someone he called Ero-Senin find an apartment.

"...And I'll be moving in after training tomorrow." Naruto finished

He choked on his ramen when his brain finally processed the boy's final statement.

"You're moving where?" he asked hoping he'd missed something somewhere in Naruto's excited chatter that he couldn't always follow.

"Ero-senin's new apartment." Naruto said in a matter of fact tone before going back to inhaling his ramen.

This was bad. This was very bad. First, Hatake Kakashi had taken a rather inappropriate interest in his student, constantly touching Naruto every time he saw him, and now someone whose nickname roughly translated to Perverted Hermit had convinced Naruto to move in with him. Was the boy a pedophile magnet or something?

The last time he'd tried to explain the "bad" kind of touching to Naruto after he'd seen Kakashi hugging the boy for an extremely inappropriate length of time before handing him a lollipop, the boy had stared at him blankly before he fell to the ground laughing. Despite this clear sign of distress - he knew what Naruto's happy laughter sounded like and that hadn't been it - Naruto had denied that anything had happened to him, and continued to deny it afterward even though he'd seen any number of signs that something was going on. All of the circumstantial evidence he'd been able to gather since that day hadn't been proof enough of Kakashi's guilt according to the Hokage who preferred to give Kakashi the benefit of the doubt where he would have launched a serious investigation had it been anyone else.

Now, someone else had discovered and was seeking to exploit Naruto's vulnerability in this area since they had seen that Kakashi was being allowed to get away with such things. Since nobody else was willing to do it, it was up to him to protect Naruto from those who would exploit him in this and any other manner.

"Um, Naruto, older men don't usually ask boys your age to move in with them unless they want something." he said, trying to remain calm, not wanting to upset or frighten the boy into silence.

His first instinct however was to find the bastard who'd convinced Naruto to move in with him and eviscerate him before leaving his body somewhere public as a warning to others who might be contemplating following a similar path.

"You think Ero-senin's a..." was as far as Naruto got before he fell to the ground laughing.

While Naruto's laughter was amused on one level, it was tinged with serious discomfort on another which was a clear sign that something was wrong and that Naruto was in distress. Apparently, something had already happened and he'd already failed to protect Naruto.

As Naruto rolled around on the ground laughing, rather large man in his mid to late forties or early fifties with unruly white hair held back by a custom hitai-ate with the kanji for oil on it and a pair of odd red lines running down his face approached Ichiraku's. He seemed familiar but, he couldn't place the man's face at the moment.

"Naruto, I knew I'd find you here." the man said watching in amusement as Naruto rolled around on the ground laughing in distress.

"H-hi Ero-senin." Naruto choked out between amused/disturbed laughs.

"What's so funny?" the man asked.

"I-Iruka-Sensei th-thinks you're th-the other k-kind of pervert." Naruto choked out before he dissolved into fits of laughter.

The man stood there staring at Naruto in confusion. It was all the opening he needed.

"Stay away from Naruto you pervert!" He yelled, kunai in hand, prepared to kill the man in order to protect Naruto.

* * *

Tenzo wondered for the fifth time how the hell he'd managed to find himself running down a dark alley or as close to running as he could get supporting a wounded shinobi from Iwa. He would have to get the man medical attention in the next town over, as he was pretty sure that the local authorities were looking for the both of them at the moment. The last thing he remembered before ending up in the labyrinth of alleyways he was currently navigating was trying to avoid the knock-down drag-out brawl that was going on in the bar he had been vainly searching. He vaguely remembered seeing a flash of blond and the swirl of an ominously familiar black cloak with red clouds and instinctively putting up a barrier to protect himself about half a second before the explosion.

He had absolutely no idea how he'd managed to survive Deidara's idea of "Art" after that or where the hell he'd picked up the Chunin from Iwa since there hadn't been any in the bar. All he knew was that he had to run, and that he had to get the guy he was half carrying some medical attention soon.

* * *

Kakashi sighed as he looked down at his drink. He was making a disturbing habit of visiting the local Jounin bar. Two visits in such a short span were most definitely not normal for him, considering the fact that he'd previously had to be dragged here during a social occasion of some sort and had been able to count on one hand with fingers left over the number of times he'd been here in the last three years. It had apparently now become the place to brood when he didn't want anyone who might be looking for him to find him however.

When had he become jealous of Jiraiya? Why was he jealous of Jiraiya? He knew full well that his own apartment was far too small to keep Naruto in, and he couldn't rent a bigger apartment with his current income and spending habits which included the care and feeding of several dogs who lived with him as often as they lived wherever it was they did when they weren't being summoned. Jiraiya however, had the means to support Naruto comfortably.

Sighing once again, he knocked back his drink and got up to leave only to be stopped by a startled exclamation about the current bane of his existence.

"Umino Iruka did what?" one of the people at the bar yelled after the person who had entered the bar as he himself had finished his drink had raced over to the man and said something.

He paused in order to listen in, as whatever it was that the Umino had done, it was sure to be interesting.

**Edited 11-1-12**


	7. Sasuke's Secret

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Third Hokage of Konoha, felt like repeatedly slamming his head against his desk. It was bad enough that Iruka was in here practically daily commenting on how inappropriately Kakashi was acting towards Naruto but, the man had recently taken to attacking Jiraiya as well, and the fact that Jiraiya is one of the legendary Sannin didn't seem to faze the Academy instructor in the least. On top of Iruka's over-protective behavior was the headache of Jiraiya actually fulfilling his duties as godfather towards Naruto. If he had known it would be this bad, he would have told the man to stay away from him as he clearly had absolutely no idea as to how to properly raise a child.

First, there had been the complaints that came to his office from the owner of the apartment building Jiraiya was renting a unit in, who had objected to Naruto's presence and attempted to evict him. The key word here being "attempted". The poor man soon discovered that the assistance he'd enlisted after the first failure were useless. There were Jounin and then there were _Jounin_, and if one of the Legendary Sannin didn't want to cooperate...

Then, there had been the angry Kunoichi who had found Jiraiya trying to convince Naruto to peek into the women's baths at the local onsen. After that, had been the bill he'd received from the owner of a local bar after Jiraiya loudly objected to the fact that they wouldn't serve Naruto due to certain laws that had been put in place in order to curb teenage alcoholism and somehow ended up causing a fight that wrecked half the bar (rumor has it that Iruka was somehow involved).

All of these incidents had taken place within the span of thirty-six hours of his former student taking custody of the boy, and more reports kept coming in practically hourly, and naturally, all of these reports naturally added to the paperwork he had to deal with daily, which made his daily headache that much worse. He prayed that Konoha would still be standing by the end of the month. With the way things were going however, it was quite possible that that would not be the case.

* * *

Anger roiled in Kakashi's gut as he watched Naruto who should have been asleep at that moment since he would be getting an early start later that morning drag a drunken Jiraiya out of yet another bar. Though he would take Naruto in in a heartbeat, especially now that he saw that even with his issues he'd be a much better guardian than that bum Jiraiya, it was practically impossible a the moment. If his nice little apartment hadn't been smaller than that dump Naruto used to live in, he would have offered to take the boy in on the day he had returned. With his current income though, he couldn't afford a larger place, and he had only barely been able to afford the gifts he had been buying the boy to make up for the twelve years he had pretty much ignored him.

Normally, he didn't know how he felt about Naruto living with Jiraiya. While the man had been his sensei's Jonin instructor and had been named the boy's godfather by Minato-sensei himself, he was highly irresponsible and had pretty much abandoned the boy for the last twelve years as well. Also, while Naruto was with him, he lacked the supervision and support that the parenting book the Hokage had given him said was necessary for a child's healthy development. Naruto seemed happy to be with the man he'd labeled Ero-Senin despite all of his faults though. That, and Iruka's attacks on him had tapered off quite a bit now that he had a new target to focus on.

Fortunately, Naruto was capable of mostly caring for himself as he'd already done so for years, and hadn't missed any training since moving in with the bum a few days before. Today's training had gone as well as could be expected considering the team he had. The fact that Naruto constantly tried to help the Uchiha who repeatedly made it clear that he had no need or desire for assistance had been disturbing, and the worry that history would repeat itself started to gnaw at him as he watched Naruto keep trying to help. If Naruto considered the Uchiha to be more a friend than a rival, he would try to bring him back after he inevitably betrayed the village. This time though, he would try his damned hardest to make sure it wouldn't be Naruto laying dead on the ground in a puddle of his own blood.

* * *

Tenzo smiled. Finally, after weeks of searching and several misadventures that he would dearly love to forget and would probably be reliving in his nightmares for years to come, he had found Tsunade. Now to figure out how to get her to put her necklace up as stakes for a bet...

Smiling shyly, he tentatively approached where she was seated at the bar guzzling sake as if it were going out of style and carefully sat down on the stool next to her, trying to gauge her mood and the likelihood of her taking him up on an offer of a game of cards or something rather than pounding him in the dirt. After settling onto his barstool, he ordered a drink to steady his nerves. Noticing that Tsunade's bottle was nearly empty, he offered to order her a drink as well.

"Not interested." Tsunade said.

"What?" he asked.

"Whatever it is you're after, I'm not interested." Tsunade said.

Tenzo growled in frustration. After coming all of this way, and suffering the things that he had suffered, there was no way in hell he was going to take "Not Interested" for an answer. He had to get that necklace and he would do so if it was the last thing he did...

* * *

Naruto frowned as he watched Sakura practically molest a resisting Sasuke at the end of their mission. Not only had the girl refused to help with the weeding because she hadn't wanted to get her hands dirty but, she had constantly fussed over Sasuke whose body language had practically screamed GET LOST! the entire time. No matter how much he tried Sakura hadn't listened to him, and continued to behave in a manner he found increasingly more annoying with each passing day as he found himself constantly comparing this Sakura with her older self who was a much better ninja, and an all-round better person.

He'd told the girl repeatedly since day one that Sasuke didn't like her actions, and wouldn't be interested in her if she kept pretending to be useless when he knew for a fact that she wasn't as he'd been on the receiving end of her blows enough times. The girl hadn't listened to him though, and if anything her behavior had gotten worse. With the way things were going, he guessed that it would take a serious wake up call to get through to the girl the way the Chunin Exams had done the last time around. It was possible that the fast approaching mission to Wave would do the trick. Getting the mission shouldn't be all that difficult considering how he'd gotten it the last time, and the dates of that mission had been seared into his memory long ago as had the dates of just about every major tragedy or disaster in his life.

"So, who wants to get a drink to celebrate another successful mission?" he said cheerfully after dismissing his irritation at Sakura as it was nonproductive.

He'd asked the question as soon as they were out of Kakashi's hearing range after each of the D rank missions they completed, and so far none of his teammates had taken him up on the offer. After asking the question so many times and receiving negative responses each time, asking had become more of a habit than a genuine offer.

"Like they'd even let us in moron! For the last time, stop asking!"Sakura yelled and attempted to hit him as she did almost every time he asked.

She'd stopped at "Like they'd even let us in moron!" the first time he'd asked and "Stop asking!" after the second. From her tone, he could tell that her response had become as routine as his invitation. More's the pity, since he was reasonably certain that Sakura would have a good time if she went for a drink with him once, as ninja bars weren't all about drinking and more than a few establishments had easily throwable and easily breakable furniture and one bar had afternoon tournaments that were popular with the local Chunin. Such group activities could only improve their teamwork, and if Sasuke had better ties to the village, he'd probably be less inclined to destroy it later on.

He was half way to his new home when he was waylaid by Sasuke. Much to his surprise, it had been because Sasuke had actually finally decided to take him up on his offer. Why, he had absolutely no idea.

"So, how exactly are we going to get into the bar?" Sasuke asked in a conspiratorial tone, or at least one that was conspiratorial for him.

"Meet me in the alley behind the restaurant with the giant chicken on it at eight, and I'll show you." he said.

He hadn't known why the restaurant had a statue of a giant chicken on it considering the fact that that was the one type of meat that wasn't on the menu, until Ero-Senin had told him when they had returned from their three year training trip. Apparently, the chicken - or rooster rather - was the symbol of a former shinobi clan that had fought alongside some seriously vicious roosters the way the Inuzuka fought alongside their dogs that had opted to go into the food service industry instead of joining the ninja ranks after the founding of Konoha. Since they'd been a low tier clan and much better at cooking than fighting, it hadn't been all that great of a loss as far as the shinobi forces were concerned. Out of respect for their former comrades, Chicken was the one food that the clan refused to either serve or eat.

Much to his surprise, Sasuke was actually waiting for him when he arrived at their rendezvous spot. Despite the fact that Sasuke constantly smelled faintly of alcohol for some strange reason that he hadn't been able to discern, going to a bar seemed as out of character for the boy as cross-dressing did. Today, the Uchiha boy would be doing both.

After teaching Sasuke the clothed version of the Sexy Jutsu, they headed off to a Shinobi bar that he knew had a good enough reputation for being calm, quiet, and most of all relaxing, since he didn't want to start off with too much too soon, and Sasuke might be driven off by some of the rowdier places he himself was fond of. The owners of this particular establishment didn't overprice or water down the drinks, the bartenders weren't too surly, the bouncers didn't carry sharpened weapons, the seats and tables didn't have unidentifiable sticky spots on them or worse sticky spots that were identifiable and made you regret knowing what they were, and everything was bolted down so you didn't have to worry about getting hit by flying furniture during a bar-fight (flying drinks however were another matter).

When the drinks he ordered for them, a potent beverage from Grass that was called Whiskey, arrived, he noticed that Sasuke didn't wince at the taste and didn't show any indication that he was hiding such a wince indicating that this wasn't Sasuke's first experience with drinking alcohol. This of course was rather disturbing since Sasuke was a real twelve year-old as opposed to a time traveling seventeen year old who'd spent a few years with a borderline alcoholic in a twelve year old's body. It also explained why Sasuke had constantly smelled faintly of a brand of alcohol that he'd associated with cooking despite the fact that Sasuke didn't seem to know all that much about cooking and didn't appear to enjoy the dishes it was commonly used in. Being perpetually hung-over could also go a long way towards explaining the Uchiha boy's attitude as well.

"You know, it's never a good idea to drink alone." he said to the boy as he mentally kicked himself for not spotting Sasuke's apparent problem before.

Sasuke seemed to ignore his advice as usual as he gestured for another drink, without asking why he would say something like that or even making a sound of acknowledgment of his comment for that matter. Against his better judgement, he allowed the boy to order another drink and another and another...

As he would discover several drinks later, rather than being one of those people who got angry when intoxicated, Sasuke turned out to be one of the worst sort of drunk for a ninja to be. He was the sort that started crying and spilling anything they were thinking about at that particular moment including his entire life story. During the course of the evening, he learned several things that he never knew about his teammate, and they were that he hadn't imagined in association with Sasuke and had wished that he'd never learned, including the reason Sasuke really didn't like "fangirls". Sasuke's aloofness and seeming indifference towards members of the opposite sex hadn't entirely been caused by the Uchiha massacre, though the massacre had been the incident that had set off part of it.

He knew that in the other timeline, girls his and Sasuke's age had practically tried to molest the boy and that girls that were a little older had been slightly more aggressive in their pursuit of the Uchiha heir but, he'd had no idea it had been this bad. When people thought of that kind of thing happening, they usually pictured males doing it. He himself had had an experience with a caretaker gone bad when he was a child but not to the extent Sasuke had apparently suffered, since that particular caretaker had been discovered and executed before there could be a second incident. Apparently, Sasuke had managed to get a couple of Genin teams with some of the more "aggressive pursuers" on them as baby sitters long before he was old enough to start thinking about such things, as well as two live in caretakers who had decided to take their dislike for the former Uchiha clan out on him in small ways such as forgetting to feed him on occasion and one caretaker who'd turned out to be an "aggressive pursuer" with a taste for paralyzing drugs.

Now that he'd seen under the surface of the Sasuke worship that had been going on after the Massacre, he could see why Sasuke had been so willing to leave Konoha the last time around...

Iruka had recently become obsessed with pedophiles for some strange reason. Maybe, he should point him towards some real ones as well as a few child abusers. With his mind made up, he escorted Sasuke to his apartment and headed out to Iruka's place.

* * *

**UMINO IRUKA FINDS REAL PEDOPHILES THIS TIME! **blazed across the front of the Konoha Times two mornings after the "bar incident". Upon reading it, Sasuke was relieved that his name had been left out of the article entirely. He'd appeared in the newspaper's gossip column often enough already, and he didn't need to see his name associated with something that would most assuredly garner him even more pity, and give his fangirls more reason to want to "fix him". He wasn't entirely sure whether or not he regretted going to the bar with his teammate because he'd run out of booze but, considering the result, he couldn't exactly complain.

He'd woken the morning before with a massive hangover and the overwhelming realization that he'd told Naruto things he'd sworn never to tell anyone. That evening, he learned about the earlier commotion near the local jail. Apparently, his former Academy instructor had rounded up all three of the women who had abused him while they were supposed to be watching him, as well as a couple of the former Genin who had done the same while they were supposed to be looking after him while his caretakers were away, and turned them over to the ANBU T&I division early in the morning after his trip to the bar with Naruto. The interrogations had been short, and all three women and both teenagers who were now fast approaching adulthood, but legally adults since they were Shinobi, had been sent over to the jail before the end of training that day. He'd been called to the Hokage's office to give a formal report that afternoon, and had been informed that he would not be forced to give testimony in front of a full tribunal since the women had already confessed to abusing some civilian children that they had been tending to as well as him so, his name could be kept out of the investigation if he so chose. The commotion at the jail had been made by the angry parents of the civilian children were were calling for execution in this case, as in the case of the orphanage staff worker who had abused his charges seven years ago.

After such a trying day, he had naturally used the only method he'd found that kept the nightmares away, the method he'd learned when his first caretaker after the massacre had made him drink until he passed out because she "didn't want to have to listen to his screaming". As a consequence, he would be nursing yet another hangover throughout today as well.

* * *

Koharu felt sick as she read the report on the Uchiha boy. Two of the child's caretakers had gone days at a time without feeding the child who hadn't yet known how to fend for himself in that area, and one of them turned out to be sexually abusive and she had allowed that to happen. She had thought his constant requests for new caretakers had been because he was a spoiled brat with impossible standards, and had allowed them to be treated accordingly. If she had known what was really going on...No child deserved this, not even the child of a pair of traitors to the village.

Despite the fact that she didn't want to think such things of her old friend whom she'd grown up with, she had a feeling that Danzo had something to do with this, if only it was just knowing what was going on and allowing it to continue. The man had a vested interest in the boy, and therefore would have had extensive intelligence on who was caring for him. To allow those "caregivers" to be turned loose amongst the civilian populace after they were dismissed from their positions in the Uchiha household was unconscionable, and definitely not in the best interests of the village which Danzo claimed to espouse. She knew that the Hokage was not at fault in this incident, as the only orphan that the Hokage currently dealt with directly was the Jinchuriki Naruto. All others - even the last Uchiha - had a special committee to deal with their needs, and the sad truth was that Danzo most likely had his fingers in that committee as he did almost everything else.

There had been things she would side with Danzo on over her teammate and Hokage, trusting that he had Konoha's best interests in mind. There had been things she had thought Danzo more capable of dealing with because she believed her longtime friend to be too soft-hearted to deal with them properly, such as the betrayal of the Uchiha who themselves had been planning to betray the village, but not anymore. If Danzo could knowingly allow even one of Konoha's children to be abused in such a manner on his watch for a reason that was completely non-productive, there was no telling what the man would be willing to do to Konoha as a whole.

* * *

**Author's note:** as for the whole Abused!Sasuke thing. I got to thinking how the girls his age practically molest him, and how his follower Karin had practically tried to rape him and wondered what the older teens and some women would be like if they "pursued" little Sasuke and realized that they'd probably really molest him. Then there's the fact that there's a good chance that not everybody would worship the ground that the Uchiha walked on considering his relatives had probably pissed off a good number of people, and a few of them might try to take revenge. A younger Sasuke who was taught not to hit women unless sparring or on the battlefield probably would have been unable to fight back, especially if there were paralyzing drugs involved. As for Koharu believing that Danzo knew, it would be logical to assume that Danzo would have thorough intelligence reports on any of Sasuke's caretakers, considering the fact that he had a vested interest in keeping the boy alive so Itachi wouldn't hand Konoha's secrets to just about everybody.

**Edited 11-2-12**


	8. Lectures and Impromptu History Lessons

The Hokage sighed as he read the reports on his desk. Koharu had come to him earlier with her suspicions in regards to Danzo, and he'd been disturbed to find his teammate's concerns about their childhood friend to be plausible. He couldn't quite believe that Danzo would allow such harm to come to the children of the village that he claimed to serve the best interests of, especially since it was completely unnecessary at best and counterproductive at worst and none of the children were Root recruits. And, if these reports in front of him were correct, the blame for the abuse of the Uchiha boy wouldn't land in Danzo's lap.

An external and apparently long overdue investigation of the special council that handled the affairs of the local orphans had revealed rife corruption that had gone on under his nose for years if not decades. Contrary to the neatly typed quarterly reports he had been given to look over four times a year, the orphans who weren't recruited to be soldiers in Root were quite likely to receive substandard care from people who had little to no investigation done into their backgrounds making it almost better for the children to end up in Root rather than remain in the orphanages that had steadily gone downhill over the years as staff turnover remained high due to the poor pay. To make matters worse, the orphan council had also robbed the coffers in a most creative manner, cooking the books so thoroughly that they were nearly burnt, making it so that those who truly cared for their charges were unable to properly take care of them because of a lack of proper funding.

Several years ago, he'd been assured that the incident that had happened with Naruto was an isolated one, that none of the other children had been in danger from the man who had decided to "take his frustrations out on the demon" but, that apparently wasn't the case. The incident regarding the Uchiha child that probably wouldn't have come to anyone's attention if Naruto hadn't had a mischievous streak a mile wide and gotten the boy drunk had revealed that the incident that had caused Naruto's permanent removal from the orphanage hadn't been as isolated as he'd been led to believe.

He hadn't personally dealt with any of Konoha's orphans other than Naruto and Iruka, who had been left at his parents' house with a caretaker who dropped by to deliver meals since the boy was nearly an academy graduate at the time he'd been orphaned, for years. Other than Naruto's orphanage which he hadn't seen in seven years, he had not toured any of the facilities where such children had been kept since his responsibilities as Hokage, Naruto, and his grandson had kept him much too busy, and he hadn't been given any reason to believe that the orphan council hadn't been doing their jobs.

This situation was far worse than when the Academy instructor Mizuki had turned traitor, and the damage that had been done in this situation was most likely irreparable in many cases. And, it was partially his fault since he hadn't been keeping an eye on it like he should have been.

After signing the orders for the ANBU to conduct raids on every last one of those facilities and for the T&I division to personally vet any and every person who dealt with the children living in those orphanages on a daily basis, he turned to the next request on his desk.

Sighing, he signed Iruka's request to teach a special class on identifying a certain type of "Predator", wishing that it hadn't been necessary.

* * *

Naruto had been curious when his team as well as teams 8 and 10 had been called back to the Academy. After he'd arrived, he'd been positively mortified because he'd been forced to sit through a long lecture about the "bad" kind of touching and how to spot the warning signs when dealing with the sort of person that "preyed on children". He'd squirmed when all eyes turned to him after the lecture. It seemed that there had been some rumors going around amongst his peers. Iruka's irrational behavior towards his Jonin instructor and his godfather hadn't helped matters any.

"What?" he finally yelled.

"Well...um...Naruto..." Hinata said shyly, apparently unable to form much less finish her sentence.

"If you're asking what I think you're asking about, the reason Kakashi-sensei's been hugging me all the time and giving me presents is most likely because he feels guilty that he's been living his own life instead of looking after me like he felt my parents would've wanted him to do, forgetting that I already had a godfather who should have been taking care of me himself and that they wouldn't have expected a fourteen year-old to take care of a baby. The reason I haven't been living with Ero-senin all along is because he's been away the last twelve years peeking into women's baths, writing perverted books, and keeping track of a child murdering freak." He said, hoping that he'd cleared up some of the "misunderstandings" that had apparently been circulating.

Several jaws dropped at this.

"Child murdering freak?" Inuzuka Kiba asked.

"Yeah, the guy's name is Orochimaru. He was one of the Legendery Sannin and Ero-Senin's former teammate. He kidnaps kids and uses them in his twisted experiments, where he turns them into freaky mutants if he doesn't kill them outright. He ran away from Konoha after they found about a hundred dead kids in his lab, some of whom had even been dissected. Ero-Senin fought him when he ran and lost. Ero-senin then decided to keep track of him as best as he could after that since he'd never been able to defeat him in open battle, and the bastard had threatened to destroy Konoha when he left. Since he didn't seem to be doing anything but sitting in his new lab for the last year or so, Ero-Senin decided it was safe to come back for a while until he gets news that the bastard has gone on the move again." he said.

Of all the horrified stares that surrounded him, the most important one was Sasuke's unsurprisingly well disguised one. If Sasuke had known what Orochimaru was beforehand, he probably never would have joined him. At least that's what he believed of the Sasuke he knew, the Sasuke who had been his teammate, and had taken what had seemed to be a death blow for him, the Sasuke who - despite all that happened to him - still had a little bit of a heart left, the Sasuke whose eyes had not yet died, the Sasuke who had spared him at the Valley of the End when he could have easily killed him while he was unconscious, the Sasuke who still knew that sometimes power came at too great a price.

He would do anything and everything in his power to make sure that his Sasuke didn't vanish again. If warning him about Orochimaru helped...he would post a sign a hundred miles high.

* * *

Tenzo was sore and exhausted by the time he reached the gates of Konoha. He had taken the most direct route and still ended up suffering through a couple interesting misadventures that he planned to do his utmost to forget entirely. He looked over his shoulder once more when he'd thought he'd felt an out of place presence. Once again there was nothing, just like the last time he looked. That didn't necessarily mean that nobody was there though. He had a sneaking suspicion that Tsunade had followed him home waiting for him to drop dead because she was just a little too honorable to knock him out and take her necklace back despite her numerous other faults. After all, he'd won it fair and square.

He'd finally won the necklace in a twenty hour poker game that emptied her ready cash resources, and damn near doubled her personal gambling debt before she had finally and rather reluctantly put up her necklace.

Giving a wan smile to the guard on duty, he signed in and headed to his apartment, tripping over the black cat that had been wandering around the village for as long as he could remember and somehow landing headfirst in a metal trash can full of things he really didn't want to think about which he promptly knocked over along with the other cans in the row on his way. This had become par for the course, as the return trip home had been constantly been like this.

He couldn't wait to be rid of the necklace which he would be giving to Naruto tomorrow. For now though, he would be doing his best to clean himself off and getting some sleep.

* * *

Sasuke sat across from a massive man named Jiraiya at the dinner table in Naruto's new apartment wondering yet again why he'd come. After the lecture that had brought up a number of issues that he didn't want to deal with, Naruto had invited him over for dinner. Based on the boy's expression and the late hour of the meal, it seemed as if Naruto knew exactly how he was going to be getting to sleep that night, and wanted to make sure he didn't drink alone, or at all for that matter. He wasn't quite sure why he had accepted the invitation since he generally tried to avoid getting close to anyone because, everyone he'd gotten close to had hurt him somehow even if it was simply by dying. That, and he was afraid of being tempted to kill someone he was close to to get the Mangekyo Sharingan as his brother had instructed.

Naruto was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the dinner he'd made because apparently, if the Uzumaki was to be believed, Jiraiya's cooking was something to be dreaded far more than that of a ramen obsessed twelve year old, and Naruto had wanted to spare him from the horrors of it. As he waited for Naruto to finish, he noticed several photographs that had been put up on the wall in what looked like a place of honor. One of the photographs was his team photo with Kakashi hugging a squirming Naruto in the middle, and him and Sakura off to either side. The photo to the left of it was of a blond haired man with blue eyes standing behind an ill tempered Kakashi, a girl that may or may not have been an Inuzuka, and a cheerful looking boy in orange goggles who was chewing on a senbon, with one hand on either boy's head. To the left of that was a picture of a much younger Jiraiya standing next to a boy with fluffy blond hair that stuck out everywhere and blue eyes, and two other dark haired children who were looking away from the camera. The picture to the left of that one was of a rather young looking Third Hokage standing behind a Jiraiya that was about half his age, a little blond girl with brown eyes, and an oddly pale little boy with long black hair that had been left loose and gotten into his face. Before he could ask about the pictures that were obviously all team photos, Naruto set a meal that consisted mainly of tomatoes that had been prepared in several different ways before him.

"I heard you like tomatoes." Naruto said by way of explanation before he set a similar plate of food in front of Jiraiya.

Sure, he liked tomatoes, they were his second favorite food but, this was a bit much. As he picked at his meal, Jiraiya tried to engage him in conversation. Jiraiya it seemed had noticed him looking at the photos while they were waiting for their meal and had decided to tell him about them over dinner.

"You obviously know about your team photo." Jiraiya said. "The one next to yours is team Minato. My old student Minato was their instructor. Kakashi was already a Chunin when Minato had the two Genin added so Kakashi could learn to interact with kids his own age. The boy in the goggles was named Obito, he died during the war. He was a cousin of yours if I remember correctly. He used to always show up late to just about everything, mostly because he was training or rather playing with your brother Itachi. I heard that the poor boy didn't speak for over a month after Obito died. The girl's name was Nohara Rin, she was a medic who was killed during a battle with a large number of ninja from Kiri."

"The Picture next to that is the team I trained." Jiraiya continued. "The blonde as you can tell was Minato. The other two died at the beginning of the Third Shinobi War. The picture next to that is my old Genin team. There's me, Hiruzen-sensei, Tsunade's the girl, and Orochimaru's the creepy looking boy. Tsunade became one of the best Medic-Nin in the Elemental countries, before she broke after the death of her fiancee and left. Orochimaru left Konoha after he was caught kidnapping fellow Shinobi and some civilians and doing experiments on them. They found about a hundred dead children in his lab, as well as a bunch more that needed to be put out of their misery because of what he'd done to them."

Sasuke lost his appetite then and there. Naruto had told him about Orochimaru earlier after Iruka had dragged them all back to the Academy for a lecture on sexual abuse and the various ways that pedophiles trick children into certain situations. A lecture he hadn't needed, since he'd already experienced it.

* * *

Jiraiya observed the rather bored looking Uchiha whose eyes were wandering around the dining area. He'd never really known the boy as he'd not been close to Fugaku or Mikoto, had been away from Konoha for most of the boy's life, and he hadn't really interacted with the Uchiha after he'd returned. He'd heard about him from Naruto, who had vowed to bring him back from the clutches of his former teammate, but it was all general stuff that "Everybody" knew and it didn't give him a clear image of the child Naruto seemed to regard as a brother.

Seeing that the boy had taken an interest in the team photos that he and Naruto had put up on the wall when they moved in, he decided to give him some history about them and some information about Orochimaru so he wouldn't be going into the deal blind as he seemed to have the last time, thinking he could use the snake to get the power he needed to get his revenge. That had been a rather half-baked plan that had backfired and cost the boy and Konoha dearly. The boy had lost his body, and the village had been destroyed.

When dinner was served, the Uchiha boy picked at his meal, which was rather surprising since he heard that tomatoes were his favorite food, and Naruto was an excellent cook despite his age and propensity for instant ramen. Something was obviously wrong with the boy. Naruto probably knew what was going through the boy's mind, since he knew him much better than he did. He would ask him later.

Deciding to enjoy his meal and shelve the enigma that was Uchiha Sasuke for now, he went back to his food.

* * *

Kakashi sat in his room thinking as he munched on a ration bar since he couldn't be bothered to cook that evening. He'd been forced to rethink what he knew about the Uchiha brat. If it had been any other child, a child that didn't have a trauma like the massacre in his past, he probably would have noticed the signs, and would have interrogated any other child about possible abuse if they'd displayed the behavior that boy did. After the arrests that made Iruka the hero of the hour, he had taken to observing the little traitor. What he saw surprised him. He couldn't believe that he'd missed this the last time around, especially considering the fact that he'd taken the brat for a month of one-on-one training. The kid was an alcoholic. The boy had drank himself to sleep every night he'd observed him.

This wasn't exactly a unique occurrence even though laws had been put in place in hopes of preventing it. There had been more than a few alcoholics in his age group when he was the traitor's age, children who had started drinking either because it had been forbidden or in imitation of the adults around them and didn't stop as it had become a crutch that helped them avoid their problems, children who couldn't deal with the life they led and the war they were forced to fight. He might have become one of them himself if it hadn't been for Minato-sensei, and if he had, he would have been just another statistic by now since the ones who had turned to alcohol to deal with their problems had almost invariably died far too young. A person couldn't afford to make mistakes or have their senses dulled in any way in their profession, doing so would be inviting death, which was probably why many of the older Shinobi drank the way they did.

After learning of the Uchiha boy's problem, he investigated as to how the boy was getting his supply. Apparently, the clerk at the nearby liquor store had believed the Uchiha's "I'm running an errand for..." story every time since the brat had taken to purchasing cooking alcohol rather than the more common brands that kids tended to try to get their hands on, and this had been going on for a couple of years. Upon learning this, he'd set the clerk straight and alerted the managers of every other store in the area that Uchiha Sasuke wasn't allowed to buy alcohol from them until he reached the age at which civilians attained majority, which was 18. Hopefully by then, he would have found a way to deal with the problem and the Uchiha would have been weaned of his addiction.

He didn't know how he was going to get the Uchiha boy to stop drinking but, he was sure he'd be able to find a way. Perhaps, he should look into asking Jiraiya about some seals.

* * *

**Author's Note:** As for the "Sasuke who still knew that sometimes power came at too high a price." line, it was a reference to the fact that Sasuke hadn't killed Naruto at the Valley of the End in an attempt to get the Mangekyo Sharingran in his home universe. As for Kakashi not noticing Sasuke's alcohol usage. If he didn't show up obviously intoxicated or smelling of booze, what reason would he have to suspect a 12/13 year old?

**Edited 11-2-12**


	9. Wave and Tsunade's Necklace

Kakashi wondered at the strange feeling of deja vu he had gotten when Naruto threw a fit after they had finished capturing that mangy cat Tora who would be some other team's problem as soon as its owner's back was turned. Naruto rarely behaved like that this time around since he was actually getting positive attention and therefore didn't need to behave like a brat just to get people to interact with him, and he couldn't see why he was doing so now. He'd never really complained about the D ranks that the team had been placed on this time around, and seemed happy to be doing them as long as they didn't involve hunting felines that were on the lam.

When he pulled out of his musings on Naruto's odd behavior it was to find that Iruka was giving Naruto a rather familiar lecture on how missions were handed out and why he wasn't going to get anything better than a D rank for a while, somehow managing to glare at him as if he thought that he was the one to blame for Naruto's regression throughout the entire lecture. The lecture ended when the Hokage cut Iruka off by saying the team could have a C ranked mission.

He tried to push down the rising sense of dread that seemed to have come out of nowhere at the Hokage's declaration. A nice C-Ranked mission would give Naruto a chance to stretch his legs and test his skills a bit while exploring a new environment. There was no reason to think they would get the same C rank twice, even if the thrice-damned mission to Wave had begun sometime around this time of this particular month the last time.

Ruffling Naruto's hair fondly, he accepted the C rank. He stopped smiling behind his mask and his hand slid numbly to his side when the door slid open revealing the absolute last person he had wanted to see. The second that drunken old bastard Tazuna showed up, he knew he should have stayed in bed today, or at the very least locked Naruto in his apartment where he'd be safe.

"Oh shit." he said knowing that there was no way he and, more importantly, Naruto could get out of this now..

Unless he wanted to get into serious trouble, he could not reject a mission once accepted without giving a reasonable explanation. Telling the Hokage that the man was lying about the mission's ranking, and that he knew so because he had traveled through time would most likely result in a psych evaluation that would postpone the mission to Wave indefinitely since Time Travel was something that happened in crappy novels not real life but, it would also result in him getting his team taken away from him as well. Who knew what damage a new Jonin instructor would do to Naruto's progress, or how many more people besides Naruto would be killed by Sasuke when he decided to leave Konoha (probably much earlier this time around because his instructor didn't have a "neat" assassination technique to teach him or the knowledge of how to hold back the curse seal for the short time he had managed to do so when the kid had gotten it the last time around)?

He tried to console himself with the knowledge that Naruto had survived this mission the last time around even though there had more close calls than he could count along the way. Actually, come to think of it, it had been the traitor Uchiha who had been the closest to being killed. Even with that warm thought though, he ended up failing as a hundred doubts assailed him.

Who knew what could go differently this time, especially since a little knowledge could be a dangerous thing, and if you changed one thing, you could end up changing everything. Would he act based on his memories of a fight that was somewhat fuzzy in his recollection now that he looked back on it and change the outcome entirely causing things to spiral out of control? Would his teaching his students something different because he'd already taught them the tree climbing exercise cause events to spiral off on a tangent that he couldn't predict? Would his students do something different because he'd treated and trained them differently causing everything to go differently? Even if he did everything the same, there was no guarantee everything would turn out the same, and that worried him.

He had to keep his team to keep Naruto safe in the future though. Right now, keeping his team meant keeping his silence for now and taking this mission despite the number of ways it could go FUBAR while praying nothing went wrong this time the entire time they were gone, and turning back as soon as they faced the first of the enemy ninja despite whatever heart wrenching pleas the client - or former client rather - made.

* * *

Naruto smiled as he prepared for the mission to Wave. He would be able to tell Sasuke the truth about the Uchiha massacre after they arrived at the small island country. When he did, Sasuke wouldn't feel guilty for killing his brother this time around, because he either wouldn't kill his brother or would do so knowing that his brother wanted to die that way rather than slowly and painfully succumbing to an illness while he just as slowly went blind. If Sasuke didn't kill his brother, he wouldn't feel as angry at Konoha, and therefore probably wouldn't desire to destroy the place despite the fact that his brother had sacrificed everything to keep it standing. He would of course have to risk telling Sasuke about his time traveling to explain how he knew everything but, he was certain Sasuke could keep a secret better than most people as long as nobody got him drunk.

"So, you're going on your first C rank?" Jiraiya said, poking his head into his room and smiling rather fondly as if he were recalling a pleasant memory from his youth.

The slight wince that marred the Sannin's smile for a second was him undoubtedly reaching the point in the memory where Tsunade had most likely beaten the crap out of him. Either that, or the point at which Orochimaru had shown him up somehow. Jiraiya hadn't been able to catch a break with those two but, back before Tsunade broke and Orochimaru became a total headcase after the Second War, they had been an extremely close-knit team who'd loved each-other the way only family who had chosen each-other could.

"Yes Ero-Senin." he said as he continued packing extra weapons into a storage scroll.

This C rank was going to be turning into an A rank pretty quickly and, he was going to be prepared this time. Hopefully, he would still be able to do some of the S rank jutsus he'd learned before he went time traveling. His Chakra control wasn't nearly as good as it had been back then but, he still remembered how to do all of the Jutsu he'd learned over the years since he was last this age.

"Come back safe." Jiraiya said smiling, as he ruffled his hair before he turned to go back to writing his perverted book.

Jiraiya usually did that for about half the day before he went out to train. After training, he would go to a previously agreed upon bar to speak with one or more of his informants in order to gather intelligence on Orochimaru's movements. After staying at the bar gathering vital information for a while, he would usually either return or be dragged home in time for an exceedingly late dinner.

All too soon, he'd finished packing to the sound of Jiraiya's perverted giggles. After he was reasonably certain that he had everything he needed and then some, he headed out to the gate where he was to meet the rest of his team and the old bridge-builder Tazuna. Rather unexpectedly, Yamato-taicho was waiting for him at the gate, and there was a rather familiar looking item in his hand.

How in the hell did he get Old Lady Tsunade's necklace, and for that matter, why?

* * *

Tenzo, who'd gotten a rather late start that morning after he'd fallen down a flight of stairs and hobbled to the hospital on a twisted ankle, had to practically kneel to put the First Hokage's necklace on Naruto because the boy was so short. Until now, he hadn't really realized it but, the kid had really shot up in the three years between now and when he first officially met him, as chasing him after some stupid prank because the police had been disbanded after the Massacre didn't really count, since he'd never been the one to catch him. As he gave the boy the necklace that was rightfully his, he ignored the odd stare he was getting from Kakashi-sempai and the curious whispers that were coming from Naruto's teammates.

"Now don't take this off, it's very special." he said when the boy started critically examining the necklace the instant he put it on him, most likely having serious doubts about whether or not he wanted to keep such a "girly gift".

He did his best not to be offended by this action though, Naruto had only started to learn proper manners rather late in life, and only then because the Fifth Hokage had practically beaten them into him.

"I'll tell you more abou..." he continued, before he was blindsided by an angry Umino Iruka.

"Stay away from Naruto!" the man yelled before he socked him a second time.

"Alright, fine, I'm leaving." he said, wanting to avoid a fight because he'd be unable to prevent Naruto from releasing the fox's power if he was put in the hospital by an overprotective Iruka.

That man could pack a punch when he wanted to. He'd learned that the hard way when Naruto had off-handedly mentioned to the Academy Instructor that he had threatened to stick him in a cage during that rather disastrous mission where they had tried and failed to capture Sasori's spy Kabuto who'd turned out to be a double-agent in Orochmaru's camp. After Naruto had said that, Iruka hadn't waited to hear the rest of the story which had involved him taking the team to an inn instead and had attacked him, giving him a black eye and a split lip before he could be subdued despite the fact that he outranked and was theoretically stronger and faster than the Umino.

As he left the area, he saw Iruka glaring at Kakashi-sempai who ignored the man in favor of glaring at him, as if he'd done something wrong. He would find out why after he doubled back and followed Team Kaka...er, Team 7 later. Kakashi-sempai could be pretty vicious at times, especially if you upset him for some unfathomable reason and he wanted to get off of that man's bad side as quickly as possible as well.

* * *

Tsunade watched as the young man who had tricked her into betting her necklace in a card game gave it to a boy who looked a little like a light blond Nawaki. She had been tempted to run over to the child and snatch the necklace away before he could be killed but hadn't. Instead, she had watched as the boy vanished into the distance with his team on their way to who knows where. She had briefly thought of following after them, of warning the child about what he possessed but, she didn't, she couldn't. She couldn't run the risk of seeing the boy die in front of her the way Dan had. Despite the fact that the child was only a few minutes away from the village, there were still numerous ways he could die.

Shizune placed her hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. She knew something of what she was going through, as Dan had been her uncle. She also knew that she hated being back in Konoha, and didn't know what had possessed her to return. She herself honestly didn't know why she had continued following the man after where he was heading became obvious. As she stood there basking in the comfort her student provided, she wondered what she would have done without Shizune.

Deciding to visit her former sensei before she went and got wasted so she could forget the face of the soon to be dead child who was making his way down the road from Konoha, she turned and made her way to the Hokage tower.

* * *

"The blonde boy that looks like Nawaki?" the Hokage asked, wondering what Tsunade wanted with the child in question.

He'd been both stunned and elated when Tsunade had shown up completely unannounced. The first question she asked once the pleasantries and small talk were over confused him briefly, as there were many young children in the village that may or may not have resembled Nawaki depending what characteristics one was looking for and several of them were blond.

"The one with the orange top with the Uzumaki clan symbol on it." Tsunade replied, clarifying who she had been indicating.

"Oh, you mean Naruto." he said wondering how she had run into the village prankster who'd apparently made some sort of an impression. "What about him?"

Moments after he answered her question, something seemed to click in Tsunade's mind. A brief look of horror crossed her face before it vanished. He would have to ask her about that later.

"What can you tell me about him?" Tsunade asked, trying to hide some sort of painful emotion.

"Besides what you already know? He's a lot like his mother was in personality and takes after her a bit in looks, despite having his father's coloring. He's hyperactive, likes pranks and ramen like his mother did, and is constantly telling everyone whether or not they want to hear it that he's going to be Hokage some day. I have a feeling that he might do it too. That boy never gives up when he sets his mind to something, which is both a good and a bad trait." he replied, wondering if that's what she wanted to hear.

Tsunade looked sick. Before he could ask her what was wrong, she started sobbing.

"Damn him. Damn him. Damn him. **DAMN HIM!**"Tsunade screamed.

"What is it Tsunade? What's wrong?" he asked.

"Some bastard tricked me into betting my necklace in a card game recently. He just gave it to Naruto less than two hours ago." Tsunade replied, looking both guilty and shaken at the same time.

He didn't know what to say to that. He knew that several people including Tsunade believed the necklace to be cursed. The last two people that Tsunade had given the necklace to had died soon after receiving it. Both had been close to Tsunade in some way, and both had wanted to be Hokage. If someone thought they could kill Naruto by giving him a "cursed" object, they had another think coming.

"Can you describe this man?" he asked as he prepared an order for an ANBU team to go out and detain this individual.

**Edited 11-2-12**


	10. On The Road Again

Kakashi felt his heart leap into his throat when Naruto started stomping and splashing in the puddle the rogue Mist Ninja were hiding in with a mischievous look on his face. He completely ignored Sakura's loud complaints as the Chakra tainted water splashed her, as they were completely important. About ready to panic, he jumped over and grabbed the boy, pulling him away from the puddle and its surely disoriented contents before he did the substitution jutsu as he had the last time, preparing for battle.

The log was killed as it had been the first time, startling Sakura, Sasuke, and Tazuna. Instead of hanging back to see who his target was and how his students would fair against the enemy, he decided to leap back into the battle almost immediately. Before he could get into the thick of things however, Naruto was already flying towards one of the Demon Brothers, and the other had somehow managed to get behind him. The eyes of the Ninja behind Naruto widened almost comically.

"Holy Shit! It's an Uzumaki!" the Demon Brother behind Naruto yelled.

The Demon brothers then did something completely unexpected which completely wrecked his attack strategy before he could implement it. They turned tail and ran, each going in opposite directions. This had been all of the opening Naruto needed apparently, as he created about two dozen clones and sent them after the brothers who returned five minutes later unconscious, being dragged by a pair of shadow clones each. As soon as they were back in the middle of the road, Naruto's shadow clones then proceeded to strip the pair of hapless ninja down to their underwear and bind them to a nearby tree while Naruto himself proceeded to haphazardly cram their equipment into a spare storage scroll that he had happened to be carrying.

"Naruto, what just happened?" he asked confused.

This had definitely not happened the last time around. The last time around, Naruto had frozen up and ended up getting himself poisoned. If it hadn't been for the Kyuubi, the boy would have been dead after that attack. Another question that came up was, why were the Mist Ninja afraid of Uzumaki? And if so, why hadn't they behaved that way last time this fight happened then if they were?

"I captured them." Naruto replied simply as he rolled up the now full storage scroll and put it away both answering and not answering his question.

"Why'd they run like that?" he asked, expecting to get a "Hell if I know." in reply, and wondering why he'd even bothered wasting his breath asking.

It had probably been the shock of seeing Naruto singlehandedly catching a pair of Chunin-level missing-nin that had made him start asking stupid questions.

"There's been a standing Flee-On-Sight order in Mist regarding the entire Uzumaki clan for the last fifty years." Naruto replied, not bothering to look up at him as he was busy snapping his pack shut. "I found a note on it in the library when I tried researching my family recently."

He stood there dumbfounded. Why hadn't any of the Mist ninja they'd fought fled when they had faced Naruto the last time around? What was it that had made the difference this time?

It was then that he remembered. The Mist ninja had started yelling after he'd gotten behind Naruto, after he had seen the Uzumaki clan symbol on the boy's back. The last time around, Naruto had been wearing a rather hideous jumpsuit which had the symbol for Uzushogakure on it rather than the Uzumaki Clan's symbol. Since every Chunin and Jounin vest and numerous articles of ninja clothing in Konoha had the exact same spiral sewn onto them or incorporated into their design, the ninja would not have found Naruto's to be significant, and wouldn't understand why he was wearing it despite it being rather non-standard amongst Genin who usually wore their clan markings on their clothing if any.

"We're turning back, this mission has gone above C rank and is beyond your abilities to handle." he finally said once he'd returned from his musings.

Despite the fact that Naruto seemed to be able to handle himself, and there was a chance that the Demon of the Mist might choose to run rather than fight this time, he wasn't going to risk it. They were going to turn around before Tazuna started on his sob story and reeled Naruto in. He would probably feel guilty for a long time for allowing Gato to keep his stranglehold on Wave, but he'd feel even guiltier if he let Naruto get hurt. In the balance between virtual strangers and his Sensei's son, Naruto came first.

"No!" Naruto howled, his blue eyes flashing in anger in a manner that was reminiscent of his father, despite his response being more something his mother would do. "We started this mission and we have to finish it! Besides, I defeated these guys all by myself."

"And, what if we end up facing a much stronger opponent?" he asked, hoping that the boy would see his logic.

"If they're from Mist, it probably wouldn't matter." Naruto replied, smirking at having come up with an appropriate comeback.

"Point taken." he said, knowing that he'd end up losing this argument with Naruto like this as he was as persistent as both of his parents combined, and he'd never won an argument with Minato-sensei.

The swordsman Momochi Zabuza had been from Mist, and even missing-nin tended to follow Flee-On-Sight orders since they knew that they were put in place for a reason. But, there was still the possibility that the Momochi could harm Naruto before he even noticed that he was an Uzumaki. Then, on the other hand, there was the fact that Naruto had survived the last time around. That, and he probably wouldn't forgive him if he ever learned that he'd had the chance to save a whole bunch of people and hadn't been able to because he'd been turned back by an overprotective teacher. He knew full well that he wouldn't be able to stand looking into Minato-sensei's disappointed blue eyes every day for years, even if they were in someone else's face. He would just have to make sure that Naruto wasn't injured, even if it meant locking him in a trunk at the first available opportunity.

Great, he'd just done all of Naruto's arguing for him, and the kid still won.

"Fine, I'll just send a message back to Konoha informing them of our prisoners and we'll move out." he said, defeated.

If he'd known that signing up for the Tora capture mission in the hopes that the Uchiha would be scratched to hell and back by the damn beast when he was forced to carry it back to the Hokage tower would result in this, he'd have taken that baby sitting job that involved the pair of brats that had sent the last ten of their babysitters running for the hills instead.

* * *

Naruto smiled as they set off down the road to Wave. Instead of panicking, freezing up, getting poisoned, panicking again and cutting his own hand open, he had handled himself admirably. That, and the irrational fear that the Mist had towards the Uzumaki who had become some sort of bogeymen to them over the years was finally working out for him. The last time around, he'd somehow been marked down as "Not an Uzumaki", and the Flee-On-Sight order had been disregarded in his case. It probably had something to do with the fact that he'd generally been the loser in the fights he'd had with the few Shinobi from Mist that he had faced, hadn't killed his other opponents in a creative and rather embarrassing manner, sucked at Seals, and didn't have the dark red hair that had been the trademark of the Uzumaki for generations.

Whistling, he made his way over to Tazuna. He was planning on asking him about the conditions in Wave so the others could be informed, since Kakashi hadn't interrogated him this time around, and therefore hadn't forced him to spill his sad tale.

"Are you really an Uzumaki?" Tazuna asked, looking at him strangely.

"Yep, on my mother's side." he replied cheerfully.

He'd initially been resentful of the possible implication that he had been a bastard but, since he learned who his father was, and how the little ruse had kept his father's enemies - especially almost the whole of Iwa - from pounding him into the dirt or killing him, he'd become much less so. That, and he was still a bit pissed at his father for sealing that damn fox inside him. Forgiven didn't exactly mean forgotten.

"You don't have a weird obsession with sticking things up people's butts do you?" Tazuna asked, still giving him that strange look.

"No, why?" he asked, completely puzzled by the question.

After all, why would he be obsessed with sticking things up people's butts? He wasn't a pervert of any sort. Well...not much of one at least. The Oiroke Jutsu was an anti-pervert move. Honest!

Tazuna looked immensely relieved by his response. A moment later, he started mumbling something under his breath.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Thanking the gods that you take after your father's side of the family." Tazuna replied.

* * *

"You sent him where?" Jiraiya said, almost unable to believe his ears.

He'd interrupted his writing to come to the Hokage's office because his former Sensei had sent him a message indicating that something might be wrong with his godson. When he arrived, he learn that things weren't going as well as they could have been and Naruto had yet again been sent on that A-Rank mission that had been disguised as a C-Rank.

"On a mission to guard a bridge-builder from Wave from bandits." the Hokage replied calmly after briefly looking at his notes.

Despite the fact that he'd wished for the answer to change, it had been what he'd heard the first time. Due to some extremely bad luck and factors he'd had no control over, the boy had been sent on a mission that had greatly traumatized him the last time around, again. If he knew that it would even have been possible after all of the little changes that had been made, he would have gone out looking for that damned bridge-builder and turned him away from Konoha or gone to Wave and dealt with things himself. It had never really occurred to him that the changes he'd made had mostly been local, and wouldn't really have had all that much effect on things that were outside of the village, except that an informant that had been killed shortly after meeting with him the last time around had survived because that particular meeting had never taken place.

What bearing would Naruto no longer living in a crap heap of an apartment, Naruto getting attention from Kakashi, Iruka becoming paranoid about pedophiles and eventually catching a few, the other Jonin believing the Uchiha might be a danger to their students and refusing joint training exercises for that reason rather than because Naruto was on the team really have on when an old man in another country decides to set out in an attempt to get some ninja on the cheap so he could complete a bridge that a shipping magnate was attempting to prevent since it would cut into his profits?

Any one of the Genin teams or even a team of Chunin could have drawn that mission. It was just Naruto's bad luck that he'd been there at the right place at the right time once more, and he would just have to hope that the mission went the same as it had the last time around, or a bit better, and be there for Naruto when he returned. There was little else he could do really since he was already a day behind them and would be extremely late to any of the battles they would face on the road to Wave.

* * *

Tenzo gaped at the pair of missing-nin that had been tied to a rather large oak wearing only their headbands, underwear and socks. Since he was less than an hour behind Team Seven, whatever battle these Shinobi had fought and apparently lost had taken place recently. Since there wasn't any blood on the ground, he could only conclude that besides the Mist ninja who were bound to the tree apologizing profusely and thanking somebody for something, nobody had been injured.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"We dared to go up against an Uzumaki." they said.

"And?" he asked.

"Uzumaki-sama was merciful. He only stripped us and robbed us." the one on the left said.

Tenzo could only stare after that proclamation. Naruto had stripped them and robbed them, and they considered that merciful? When the men had gone back to apologizing for every bad thing they had ever done and swearing that they wouldn't do it again, he was back on more familiar ground. Naruto could get a mass murderer to change his ways in under an hour. He seemed to have set a new personal record with these guys though.

**Edited 11-2-12**


	11. Missing Meds and an Anticlimatic Battle

The boat trip to Wave was pretty much the same as he remembered it being the last time. Sasuke, who was probably going through withdrawal rather than being hung over since Kakashi had confiscated all of his alcohol, was staring out at the mist as if it had personally insulted him, Sakura was trying to rub up against Sasuke who kept pushing her away, Kakashi was reading one of his favorite novels in the Icha Icha series, and quietly giggling at the particularly dirty parts, and Tazuna was aft-wards quietly chatting with the skipper who was quietly rowing the boat towards the shore since the motor would have been too loud.

There was one small problem with him himself however. A problem he'd noticed the morning after they'd left Konoha. A problem he'd completely overlooked until he'd mentally reviewed his day wondering why he'd had the nagging feeling that something was missing. Kakashi had forgotten his pills this time around, which was bad, since if the meds in his system slipped below a certain level, they'd completely clear out of his system far more quickly than normal, causing a large number of problems. Remembering the disaster that had occurred when Jiraiya had decided he didn't need the medication he'd been taking since before he could remember during their training trip, he hoped that it wouldn't turn out to be a complete disaster. They couldn't afford one considering what would be happening soon.

By this point, the medication in his bloodstream had slipped well below therapeutic levels, and he was already beginning to feel the results. The worse than usual twitchiness which was the first sign that things would be going South soon had already started. He felt like he had alot more energy than usual, and he was rapidly losing focus as just about everything from the way the boatman smelled to the cry of the gull wheeling overhead caught his attention. If things went the way they had the last time he'd been off his meds, he'd literally be bouncing off the walls unable to focus on anything for more than two seconds by midday tomorrow if not sooner.

Back before, Old Lady Tsunade had once told him that he suffered from what appeared to be an extremely severe form of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder that had most likely been caused by the much larger than usual amounts of Chakra in his system thanks to the tenant in his belly that gave him more energy in a minute than a normal person had in a month. The meds had helped keep this under control to the degree that, while he was on them, he appeared to suffer from a normal case of ADHD that had gone untreated. Without the meds however...

He hoped there was a pharmacy in Wave otherwise, Kakashi and the rest of the team were in for an interesting time.

* * *

Kakashi had been quietly reading when Tazuna had made a comment that heralded disaster.

"What's wrong with him?" Tazuna asked as he gestured to a rather squirmier than usual Naruto.

He looked at his watch. Was it already that late? Damn, the kid should've had his meds hours ago. Come to think of it, when was the last time he'd given the boy his meds?

Reaching into a specific pocket on his vest, he pulled out a small pill bottle. It was empty. That's right, he'd planned to go to the pharmacy for a refill but, they'd got the mission to Wave and he'd been too distracted thinking of the many ways it could go wrong to do so. Iruka had told him not to cut it so close with Naruto's meds and to get a refill when there were fifteen pills left in the bottle but, he just didn't listen.

"Aw shit." he said as he remembered what Naruto was like before he'd started the meds.

%

_Kakashi nervously followed the nurse down the corridors of the hospital. As he did so, he wondered why he had the gall to think that he would succeed where medical professionals with decades of experience had failed. It was probably because he had actually cared about Naruto's fate, and the hospital staff had only been caring for the boy because the Hokage had ordered them to do so._

_"He's in here." The nurse said as she opened a heavy steel door, revealing a thickly padded room._

_A bright yellow blur that he'd been assured was really a two year-old boy flashed by, appearing to be moving somewhere near the speed of light. The blur, or rather boy in question was bouncing off of every wall of the padded room, including the floor and ceiling faster than even his Sharingan eye could track._

_His mission was to get this kid to sit still long enough to swallow the pill that one of the doctors had provided, since all other methods of administering medication to the child had failed. Naruto had absolutely refused to get within fifteen feet of a needle after he'd been caught in a net by a hunter nin who'd been hired for the occasion, and given his vaccinations several months ago, and had been far too young for this particular medication at that time. Adding to the problem was the fact that the child always seemed to know when the food given to him was laced with sedatives, and would accordingly refuse to eat it. After Naruto had gotten rather dangerously thin, the hospital's medical staff had been forced to cease their attempts at sedation._

_If he failed in this task, Minato-Sensei's son - who seemed to live up to the name Yellow Flash without using special seals - would probably be forced to live in that padded room for the rest of his short life, which the doctors had informed the Hokage wouldn't last longer than a few more years if he continued the way he was going since the human body couldn't handle the stress that the boy was putting it through, even with the freakish healing and regenerative abilities he had._

_The doctors and nurses had attempted to administer medication to Naruto while he was asleep but, the boy only slept for about a minute at a time before he started bouncing off the walls for hours on end, as he had been doing ever since he learned to walk, once more. By the time the hospital staff reached the room with the child's medication, Naruto would have already woken up, and was damn near impossible to catch while he was awake._

_The hunter nin who'd used the net in order to capture Naruto so he could receive his vaccinations was on medical leave for mental health reasons since he'd been unable to do anything other than sit in a corner and rock back and forth after that mission. If the rumors he'd heard were true, Naruto's eyes had turned red and the boy had grown claws and fangs which he had then used to bite and scratch the hell out of the poor man when he turned the child loose in his room after the vaccinations had been administered. _

_Nobody else had been able to hold onto the child long enough to administer medication, much less catch him in a net as the hunter nin had done since then. The one who'd come closest to doing so had been Morino Ibiki during the infamous stuffed duck incident two months ago, and he had ended up coming away from said incident with a large number of nasty looking scratches on his arms that looked like they were going to scar. Because of that, Jiraiya had been ordered to clearly label all of Naruto's birthday presents as such and send them through the mail properly in order to prevent another misunderstanding such as the one that had led to the stuffed duck incident from occurring._

_He hoped his plan worked. Otherwise, the doctors and maybe even the Hokage would give up hope of the child that Minato-Sensei had sacrificed so much for ever living anything approaching a normal life._

_After watching the boy bounce off the walls for over an hour, he was reasonably certain that he'd found a pattern in the boy's movements. Hoping that he was correct and that neither he nor the boy suffered any broken bones or other injuries as a result of bringing the child to such an abrupt halt from the speed he'd been moving at, he moved to knock the boy out of the air. Upon landing on the floor, Naruto was stunned for a second. It was all the time he needed. He pinned the boy and forced him to swallow the pill he'd been given. Before the child could spit it up, he shoved a chocolate into the boy's mouth and hoped he didn't choke. That apparently did the trick, since the boy became busy chewing and swallowing the chocolate, completely forgetting about the pill._

_After a while, the medication seemed to take affect. Naruto's bouncing became much slower than it had been before. Instead of being somewhere near the speed of light, he looked to be traveling at about the speed of sound. He probably wasn't though, since there weren't any sonic booms._

_After his initial success, he got called in every morning for the next week to give the child his medication. By the time it had reached what the doctors had determined to be therapeutic levels, Naruto was merely moving at the rate of an overly hyperactive toddler and actually sleeping for hours at a time rather than minutes. Fortunately, considering the young age at which Naruto had started his medication, the healing and regeneration that had been caused by the fox supercharging his Uzumaki traits had eliminated any of the numerous possible negative side effects. After a month, Naruto was able to be released into the care of one of the local orphanages._

%

"Is there a pharmacy in Wave?" he asked Tazuna when his flashback had ended, praying the answer was yes because he hadn't seen one the last time around.

The last time he and his students had been in Wave, he hadn't needed to visit the pharmacy because he'd gotten Naruto's prescription filled in Konoha at the last minute. This time however...

"Yes, but it is controlled by Gato. The man has a stranglehold on almost every business in Wave, the hospital included. The medicine sold at the pharmacy is priced higher than almost anyone can afford." Tazuna said scowling as his thoughts took a rather dark turn. "When I finish my bridge, Gato will no longer have a stranglehold on everything and people will finally be able to afford such basic things as food and medicine."

He sighed in relief at this, and silently prayed that the pharmacy in Wave had the medication he needed, and that Naruto would be able to hold out until then. But, considering the fact that Naruto was running around in circles by the time the boat docked, he wasn't certain he would.

* * *

Sakura watched in confusion as Naruto raced so far ahead of the group that she could barely see him and then ran back several times. Naruto had calmed down a bit since they'd left the Academy but, right now, he was being even more of a spaz than usual. After racing back to the group yet again, Naruto started running around them in circles instead.

"Don'tworryTazunaI'llprotectyou-thenyoucanbuildyourbridge-theneveryone'llbehappy!" Naruto chattered as he ran around Tazuna before he got distracted by something in the bushes.

"There'sarabbitaroundhere!-Iknowthereis!-Ilikerabbits!-Rabbitsarecuteandfluffy!" Naruto babbled as he raced off into said bushes presumably in search of the rabbit.

When Naruto returned from the woods carrying a frightened white rabbit, she attempted to smack him over the head for not only breaking formation but, scaring the crap out of the poor woodland creature as well. Instead of allowing the blow to land, Naruto dodged her in a move that was faster than she could see however.

"Turn that poor rabbit loose Naruto!" she yelled. "Can't you see how scared it is?"

"Why? Icaughtititismine!" Naruto yelled as Kakashi told them all to duck.

A half second after she and the rest of the team except Naruto, who sprung at least thirty feet into the air still clutching the hapless rabbit, ducked, a gigantic sword went sailing over their heads or, as in Naruto's case, beneath their feet and embedded itself into a tree. When she looked up at the massive blade, there was a fearsome looking man standing on it looking down at them, and Kakashi-sensei was standing in front of the rest of the team preparing himself for battle.

"HimisterMomochi-Iforgot-it'syourrabbit-canIkeepit?" Naruto said, speaking faster than a two year-old on speed that has eaten a pound of sugar as he held up the rabbit that looked like it was about to have a heart attack.

The man looked down at Naruto in confusion for a moment. The confusion rapidly turned to shock.

* * *

Zabuza looked over at the group of Genin led by the Copy Ninja Kakashi that were guarding his target. He couldn't help but do a double take at the blond one who was holding up his decoy rabbit and asking if he could keep it. Whose bright idea had it been to dress the kid like a toddler?

Taking a look at the clan marking on the boy's back that he could just barely see from his vantage point, he realized that he shouldn't have been surprised. There was a reason for the flee-on-sight order when it came to that particular clan. The entire Uzumaki family, as well as being incredibly skilled with Seals, was both highly dangerous and bat-shit insane. The Seven Swordsmen of the Mist had learned that the hard way fifty years ago when the swords were passed down to the next generation rather earlier than expected after one of the blond boy's relatives had defeated all seven of them and shoved their swords where the sun didn't shine. When he was drunk, his former master would claim that he was still finding bits of rectum on his sword.

"Haku, we're getting the fuck out of here!" he yelled.

Had it been just that one incident, he probably would have stood and fought but, he had grown up hearing stories that he had desperately tried to forget. Ordinarily, he could handle tales of blood and gore but, blood, gore, silly string, and a prank jutsu that had deadly results for the S class ninja that got caught in it...And, the one that had pulled that off had just been a Genin like the blond brat whose parents apparently hadn't yet realized he wasn't three anymore.

"Why?" Haku called back, hidden in some trees.

"They have an Uzumaki with them, that's why!" he yelled back.

Haku didn't need to be told twice. Like everyone else in Water Country, he'd grown up hearing the stories. An instant after he'd answered the boy's question, he flew out of the tree in which he'd been hiding and made his break for it across the water with him trailing a few feet behind after having barely taken the time to pull his sword from the tree. That had been one hell of a close call.

It seemed that nobody had seen fit to warn anyone in Kiri that the Uzumaki clan hadn't been entirely wiped out by Kumo and Iwa - however unlikely as that was, now that he thought about it - as reported, since there were obviously some survivors left living in Konoha who were mixing with their population if the hyper blond was any indication. Though he had absolutely no loyalty to the Mizukage, he was going to rectify that situation immediately.

As he raced across the water intent on putting the Uzumaki as far behind him as he could, cries of "Hey! Hey! MisterMomochi! CanIkeeptherabbit? CanIkeeptherabbit?" started to come from a few feet behind him. Fearing what he would see when he looked behind him, he turned around while still running until he was running backwards. The Uzumaki boy had followed him and was still holding the little snow rabbit of Haku's that he'd used as a decoy. The rabbit was still alive but, it was now looking a little worse for wear. He would make it up to Haku later but, now...

"Yes! Now, go away!" he yelled, hoping and praying that the boy would leave him alone as soon as he got what he wanted, and knowing he wouldn't be so lucky.

"Okay! ThanksBye!" the blond Uzumaki boy yelled as he turned around and made his way back to his team who were standing on shore staring at him in open-mouthed shock.

Stunned, and almost unable to believe that his stupid plan had actually worked, he tripped and fell into the water he'd been running across. Haku rand back and hauled him back out, and a second later they were running once more.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	12. Off into the Woods

Sasuke stared at the small frightened rabbit in his arms in confusion and bewilderment as he wasn't entirely sure what he should be doing or feeling about it at the moment. A few seconds ago, Naruto had handed it to him, entrusting him with its care. After the incident with the ant farm when he was three, nobody in his family had trusted him with anything that was still alive and quite a few things that weren't, and here Naruto was trusting him to take care of his brand new pet rabbit. He honestly didn't know whether to be honored that Naruto had actually trusted him to take care of his pet, or pissed that Naruto had dumped it on him in order to go chase a squirrel.

"HereSasukewatchmyrabbit. OoohSquirrel!" Naruto had said as he dumped the small white creature into his arms before he could object and raced off into the woods in a seemingly random direction.

After his teammate had run off, Hatake-sensei had stared after Naruto for a couple seconds before he summoned a small pug that was dressed in blue and carrying a leash and collar in its mouth.

"Find Naruto Pakkun, find Naruto." Hatake-sensei said to the blue clad dog.

Rather than follow the orders it had been given, the dog chose to stare at its surroundings instead. When the small pug's eyes landed on him, they widened in shock. The dog had then bristled and growled a bit before turning back to its master.

"Kakashi, are you out of your freakin' mind?" the pug named Pakkun said as he whirled to face his owner? summoner?

"Just find Naruto, Pakkun." Hatake-sensei said, starting to sound impatient.

"But, Naruto's..." Pakkun whined, shaking as a look of grief crossed its doggy face.

"I said, FIND NARUTO!" Hatake-sensei yelled, having finally lost his patience.

"Okay, okay. I'm going, I'll find Naruto." the dog said as it started making a show of sniffing the ground, clearly humoring Hatake-sensei.

As the dog drew near him, it looked like it was going to faint from shock. It sniffed around him a bit, and moved up his leg to sniff Naruto's new rabbit, which he pulled away in case the dog decided to hurt it. As it did so, the expression on its face turned to doggy disbelief.

"Holy Shit!" the dog said. "Kakashi, you didn't! I knew you were really broken up about what happ..."

"Don't sit there talking, FIND NARUTO!" Hatake-sensei yelled at the dog who then shot off in the direction Naruto had run about a minute earlier as if the hounds of hell were on his heels.

As soon as the dog was gone, Hatake-sensei turned to him, and glared down at him.

"Sasuke, if anything happens to Naruto's new pet, I can assure you that you will suffer." Hatake-sensei said before he shot off after the dog.

* * *

_**Bright! Bright! Leaf! Bright! Tree! Bright! Oooh squirrel! Bright! Eeew spider! Bright! Pakkun! Pakkun! Pakkun! Kakashi-sensei! Huh, leash? Bright! Pretty bird! Owww! Acorns! Owww! Badger! Owww!**_

* * *

"Kakashi, you do realize that raising the dead is illegal for a reason don't you?" Pakkun said, looking pointedly at Naruto who was straining against his leash.

Kakashi stared at the dog while yanking Naruto away from an oak tree that he had found immensely interesting for some strange reason, as Pakkun hadn't behaved this way the last time he'd summoned him and given him the task of finding Naruto, and he couldn't figure out why he was doing so now. He felt slightly guilty about putting Naruto on a leash but, he knew that if he didn't use it there was a good chance that Naruto would wander off somewhere if he let him go for even an instant, and he'd be nearly impossible to get back when he did.

"Can we talk about this later Pakkun, like when Naruto's not trying to tear my arm off so he could go look at whatever it is that's caught his interest this time?" he said somewhat sarcastically.

He really didn't have the time to wonder why Pakkun was behaving this way when he hadn't been objecting the last time he'd summoned the dog to find Naruto. Somehow, he knew that the answers to his questions would end up giving him a massive headache, which he definitely did not need on top of the one he was going to get dealing with Naruto while he was in this state.

He would be talking with Pakkun later however, as he was curious as to how Pakkun knew about Naruto's death, since he didn't remember bringing his Dog Summons back with him, and nobody else seemed to notice that the clock had been turned back by a good two years. Pakkun's delayed reaction to said time travel was also an item of interest. Now was not a good time to ask though. Now was most definitely not a good time.

Yanking the leash once more to keep Naruto away from a rabid looking fox, he headed back to the road where his team was waiting for him to return with the boy.

* * *

Tenzo approached Kakashi-sempai's team wondering what he'd say to the man by way of an explanation as to why he had been following them. There was also a good chance that he wouldn't be given a chance to explain because his former captain wasn't over whatever it was that had caused him to glare at him like that when he gave Naruto the First Hokage's necklace. When he arrived at the place where the team had finally stopped for some reason, he noticed that both Naruto and Kakashi-sempai were absent.

"Hello." he said smiling and showing the pair of Genin who were guarding the client the universal sign that signified that he wasn't a threat. "You wouldn't happen to know where Kakashi-sempai is would you?"

"Naruto went like psycho or something, and ran off. Kakashi-sensei went after him." a very young looking Sakura said, sounding annoyed.

"Aw, crap." he groaned.

His hopes that he wasn't too late had apparently been dashed despite the fact that it was a week too soon. According to the report he'd read, Naruto hadn't started using the fox's powers until a week from now but, something had obviously changed to push that timetable up a bit. Hadn't there been a skirmish with the missing-nin they had battled on Tazuna's bridge today? He couldn't be too sure of that since he hadn't seen any signs of battle as he approached, and neither of the Genin looked any more exhausted than their journey could explain.

While he was trying to decide whether to go and search for Kakashi-sempai in order to help him bring Naruto under control or stay and hope Kakashi-sempai had things under control since Naruto couldn't even release a single tail of the fox's power yet and he didn't know where they could be in the first place, Kakashi-sempai returned dragging Naruto on a leash. At the moment, Naruto didn't have red eyes, fangs, claws, or changed whisker markings, which indicated Kyuubi possession, so Kakashi-sempai had apparently been able to subdue the boy on his own somehow.

Despite the fact that he looked completely normal, there was something off about the boy however. Something he couldn't quite place...

"What's up with him?" he asked gesturing at Naruto who was making a break for the nearby lake.

"I forgot his meds." Kakashi-sempai said in that annoyingly casual tone of his as he yanked the boy back.

"You forgot his meds?" he said, stunned.

The one thing Jiraiya had made clear was that you never ever let Naruto go off his medication for any reason whatsoever. Jiraiya had made the mistake once and had to pay out about a million in damages to the inn they had been staying at at the time, and about another million to the town because of the destruction Naruto had caused when he'd gotten loose. On his medication, Naruto was merely hyper, rather inattentive, and somewhat impulsive. Off it, Naruto was a whirlwind of unfocused chaos and destruction that moved faster than humanly possible and literally bounced off the walls. Because of this, he had always made sure to bring at least three backup bottles of Naruto's medication on missions in case one or more were destroyed in a fight.

"You forgot his meds?" he repeated, unable to process the act of stupidity that Kakashi-sempai had committed.

The First Hokage's necklace wouldn't be able to fix this. The only thing that could be done was to get to the nearest pharmacy ASAP. But, the nearest pharmacy was most likely at least several miles away however, and the leash Kakashi had Naruto on looked rather flimsy.

If Naruto got loose, there was no telling when they would get him back or how much chaos and destruction he would cause in the meantime. Jiraiya had been forced to chase the boy for three days straight, and had only caught him because he'd lucked out and ran into Naruto during one of his infrequent one-minute naps. Jiraiya was Kage level easy, and he and Kakashi-sempai couldn't say the same about themselves. Kakashi had only caught Naruto this time because he was still a little slow. Who knew how hard it would be to catch the boy in a few hours?

"Yes, I believe that we've already established that." Kakashi-sempai said tersely as he pulled Naruto away from a bush.

As Naruto did his utmost to escape, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura stared at them openmouthed during the conversation. The Uchiha boy was holding onto a white rabbit for some strange reason, and didn't seem to notice that it was eating his shirt. The old man that they were guarding didn't really look nearly as surprised as Naruto's teammates however. In fact, he looked torn between amused and wanting to be as far away from here as he could be.

* * *

"Why were you following us?" Kakashi asked Tenzo as the group got back on the road again.

"No particular reason. I still had a few weeks of vacation left, and decided that I wouldn't mind seeing wherever it is you were going." Tenzo replied, trying to sound casual.

"And, this isn't in any way related to that necklace you gave Naruto?" he asked glaring at his former subordinate who started slightly at this but otherwise remained impassive.

'Were you hoping that whatever "curse" was supposedly on it would cause him to drop dead, and that you'd be there to see it?" he asked when he didn't get an immediate reply.

"Curse? Oh, you mean that thing with The Ho- ... erm, Tsunade's younger brother and fiancee? I'd completely forgotten about that. I only gave it to him because the First Hokage did something to it which will enable me to erm, deal with Naruto's furry little problem if it ever gets out of hand." Tenzo said sounding slightly embarrassed.

"Furry little problem?" he asked, slightly amused at how his former subordinate had gotten around breaking the Hokage's law.

Moments before, he'd been prepared to kill Tenzo who'd been something approaching a friend to him during his days in ANBU for giving Naruto that accursed necklace, and he probably would have already gone after the man if he didn't have to hold Naruto's leash since, if he handed the boy over to one of the others, he'd be long gone before you could say "Get back here!". If there was another reason for giving Naruto that necklace that he'd been unable to get off of the boy so far because the child had been carefully guarding it every time he tried, he'd be willing to hear it and, if it was good enough, he might consider sparing Tenzo.

"I'll explain it better when we're away from prying ears and overly enquiring minds." Tenzo said gesturing to the pair of Genin and Tazuna who quickly tried to look innocent.

Naruto however, was completely oblivious to the situation and was scratching his head with his foot like a dog.

"Fine, whatever. We've got to get to the pharmacy before it closes." he said to Tenzo, making it clear that he would be dealing with the man later.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	13. Getting Naruto's meds

The instant they reached Wave's main trading port, Kakashi raced into the pharmacy not caring at that moment that it was owned and quite likely operated by the enemy. Sometimes, there were dangers that were far worse than a merely potential enemy, and this situation was one of them. As he ran to the counter at the back, he held Naruto's leash in his left hand and the empty pill bottle in his right.

"Here's the prescription, I don't care how much it costs. Refill it, and refill it quick!" he yelled slamming the bottle and a piece of paper he'd pulled from his vest down on the counter in front of the startled pharmacist as he yanked on the leash to keep Naruto from causing chaos and destruction in the small pharmacy.

The pharmacist looked at the prescription and frowned.

"You do realize that this was issued in Fire country?" the pharmacist said.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he yelled.

"We don't fill foreign prescriptions here. You'll have to get one from one of our doctors." the pharmacist said smugly.

"Well, hurry up and get the doctor!" he snapped.

After a wait of about an hour, during which Naruto destroyed the contents of the shelves nearest to him, which fortunately weren't necessities unless one didn't know which Seals, Jutsu, or even common plants aided in either contraception or pregnancy detection, and nearly snapped the leash twice, the pharmacist's assistant arrived with the doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor said in that tone of voice that pretty much meant "I'm bored and I'm slightly hungry, so I'm going to rush you out of my office without even looking at you so I can take an early lunch."

"Can you just copy this down and hand it to the pharmacist so I can get it filled?" he asked as he shoved the prescription in the doctor's face.

The doctor took the prescription and barely glanced at it, he looked like he was going to say something for a second afterward but, he paused and looked at the prescription again instead. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he did so.

"What's his diagnosis?" the doctor asked, looking at his patient for the first time.

"Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder." he replied.

"Where is he on the Yamanaka Scale?" the doctor asked, sounding as if he were trying to stay calm and barely managing it.

"The scale doesn't go that high but, when he was two, Yamanaka Inoichi estimated him to be at about a 75 using the scale's criteria." he said as he yanked Naruto away from the last of the pregnancy tests.

"S-seventy f-five?" the doctor stammered staring at Naruto with a look of horror and amazement. Scoring a seventy-five on a scale that only went to fifty was quite the achievement, and in this case it was not a good thing.

"Is his disorder hereditary or...?" the doctor asked before trailing off as a horrifying thought suddenly occured to him.

"It is believed to be Chakra induced, though there is a possible hereditary element from his mother's side." he replied.

He knew this because he'd forced himself to read all of the boring reports when he had first taken his team the first time around. Of course, Naruto's mother's attention problems could have also been caused by the Kyuubi but, there were some indications that they had already been present and had merely been exacerbated by the Biju that she'd contained.

When the doctor had finally processed his reply to his question, he looked like he was about to faint. He somehow managed not to do so however, and after gathering his wits, he turned towards the pharmacy counter. Moving incredibly quickly for a civilian, he dove over said pharmacy counter and started searching for something. When he found what was presumably the correct container, he opened it and hurriedly checked its contents against a nearby reference book. When he was satisfied with the results, he turned and raced back with the large jar that supposedly held the pharmacy's entire supply of the medication Naruto took.

"Despite what it says on the outside of the container, this is the medication that was prescribed. Pills in the extremely high dosage his prescription requires however have to be custom made. I'm sure you can figure out how many of these you'll need to give him to reach the proper dosage on your own. You can have these free of charge." the still extremely pale doctor said as he shoved the container at him, and hopped back over the counter.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be moving out of the country." the doctor said as he broke into a sprint and raced out of the door.

After getting a better grip on the container that had been given to him, he stayed where he was instead of following the man, knowing that the pharmacist would be requesting payment for the damage Naruto had caused at the very least. If it turned out that what he had been handed could be considered poison due to the fact that it was meant to treat something else entirely, the doctor could be dealt with later. While the Kyuubi could and would deal with any poison Naruto ingests, is injected with, or absorbs via osmosis, some poisons made him ill. And, if what he'd been handed could be considered poison, he would kill the doctor mostly out of principle, and partially because he'd most likely be stuck with a super hyper brat with a tummy ache.

The contents of the jar had better be as stated for both the doctor's sake and the sake of his own sanity.

It had been after this mission that he'd learned about Naruto's virtual immunity to poison the last time around. During Naruto's first hospital trip as his student the last time around, he had discovered the hospital's "Poisons that Uzumaki Naruto has Ingested" list in the doctor's break-room. Ethylene Glycol had topped the exceedingly long list with five tick marks and about a dozen question marks. If he'd known about the list before the mission to Wave the first time, he wouldn't have unnecessarily worried his student about the poison that the Demon Brothers' weapons had introduced into his bloodstream, and caused him to slice his hand open. While the wound had promptly healed, Naruto had gone through a great deal of unnecessary pain and distress.

The surprising fact to those who knew about the Kyuubi was that almost all of Naruto's poisonings (which nobody had seen fit to inform him about previously) had been accidents. By the time he had turned three, the workers at the orphanage had brought him in almost daily to have his stomach pumped. Apparently, after he'd gotten out of the hospital when he was two, the kid had picked up a habit of vanishing if you turned around for more than one second, and also picked up an even more distressing habit of drinking out of any container that contained liquid or trying to eat out of any container that contained solids that he got his little hands on. Childproof lids had proven not to be, even the ones with special safety seals on them.

Had his sensei survived to raise Naruto, the boy would have driven him absolutely nuts.

"What was that all about?" the pharmacist's assistant asked, finally recovering from the shock of seeing the local doctor behaving so oddly.

The pharmacist, who seemed curious himself, picked up the bottle he had set on the counter and read the label as he went into the back. Then, he walked over to what was presumably his desk, grabbed a battered copy of the Psychiatrist's Desk Reference Suna Edition that was set amongst several reference books that were peripherally related to his work, and started leafing through it. After finding the correct entry and reading for about a minute he turned very pale. He looked at Naruto's pill bottle again and went even paler before he started shaking.

"Go. The medication is free. Don't worry about the damage either. Just go." The rather frightened looking pharmacist said.

Not bothering to look a gift horse in the mouth, seeing as said gift horse couldn't exactly hurt and may actually improve the situation in question, he turned and left, dragging Naruto behind him, grabbing a large amount of candy on his way out knowing that, if Naruto was anything like he had been when he was two in his current condition, getting him to swallow the pills without it would be nearly impossible, and that it was probably going to take about a week to get Naruto back to normal. When the pharmacist didn't comment, he crammed the candy into his pockets and headed out the door with the jar of medication in one hand and Naruto's leash in the other..

* * *

"Why'd you do that?" the pharmacist's assistant asked as the ninja and the rather destructive kid he'd been dragging around on a leash vanished out the door.

He knew for a fact that his boss loved only two things, his work and money, not necessarily in that order. The reason he stayed with the man other than the fact that he only took a rather small percentage of the income from his illegal drug sales was that, unlike most of the the more unscrupulous pharmacists he had worked for in the past who had loved money more than their work, his boss refused to water down and/or adulterate the medications he sold. Instead, his boss gave out cheaper medications and older remedies that worked the same as their newer and more expensive counterparts and pocketed the difference. To let a great deal of potential money leave as well as absorbing the cost of damage someone else had caused was completely out of character for the man. The doctor's reaction to the boy on the leash was extremely unsettling as well...

"Let's just say, that I think going on an extended visit to your cousins in Water would be a very good idea right about now." his boss said.

"But I hate my cousins, and the feeling is mutual on their end as well." he said.

His cousins had hated him for sullying the family name by dealing drugs, and he had hated his cousins for being a bunch of arrogant bastards who thought they were better than everyone because they were ninja.

"At least you'll be safe there." his boss said.

"They said that they would disembowel me if they saw me again." he replied, shuddering as he rembered how his cousin Shinji had been wielding a large steak knife as he chased him off the property during a family gathering.

His boss picked up the bottle that the one-eyed ninja had left behind and pointed to a spot on the label.

"Notice anything significant about the birthdate?" his boss asked.

He read the date. What was so important about October Tenth? He looked over at the name of the person for whom the prescription had been made. His blood ran cold. All throughout his childhood his mother had told him that if he wasn't a good boy, an Uzumaki would get him. He'd never believed her, and had instead believed it when his friends had told him that the Uzumaki were all dead. His mother had been right all along. He hadn't been a good boy, and if that Uzumaki hadn't been kept on a leash he would have gotten him.

"No, but look at the name!" he replied once he was sure he could speak.

"Uzumaki Naruto, what about it?" his boss asked.

"You'll find out when we get to Water." he said.

His cousins' place was suddenly looking alot more welcoming by the moment.

* * *

Tenzo wasn't sure if everything went well at the pharmacy or not, considering the look on Kakashi-sempai's face as he was coming up the road to the house. He had been waiting by the window of the Bridgebuilder Tazuna's home since he, the remaining Genin of Team 7, and the old man had arrived. Sasuke was over in the corner tending to the small snowshoe hare that was in a box that had been provided by Tazuna's daughter Tsunami, and Sakura was seated next to Sasuke pretending to be interested in the rabbit while she practically molested the boy.

As things appeared to be settled here, he went to meet Kakashi-sempai at the door.

"Here. If you let go of this leash for even a second, I will kill you." Kakashi-sempai said by way of greeting as he handed him Naruto's leash.

"Uchiha, Sakura, make yourselves useful and break these into smaller pieces. I'm going to need about a dozen of them." Kakashi-sempai said as he tossed a pair of candy bars at the Genin before he opened a large jar that was presumably full of pills.

Kakashi then pulled several medium sized green tablets from the jar he'd been carrying with him muttering as he added something up. After setting the pills and broken pieces of candy bar in a relatively open space within easy reach, Kakashi-sempai signaled for him to bring Naruto over. After an extremely short chase thanks to the leash, Kakashi-sempai managed to grab the boy. He then shoved the first pill into his mouth and made him swallow it. A piece of chocolate followed an instant later. He repeated this procedure another dozen times. As soon as he was done, Kakashi-sempai cast a jutsu on the boy that put him to sleep and waited for about a minute. Once the minute was over, he began to relax.

"The fact that he's sleeping rather than throwing it off and racing around is probably a good sign. I'm going to go put him to bed, and I'll be talking with you later, when there won't be anyone trying to listen in." Kakashi-sempai said as he picked Naruto up and carried him upstairs.

Tsunami, who had sat quietly and watched the spectacle alongside Tazuna, a small boy who hid behind a piece of furniture, and Naruto's teammates was looking almost longingly at the jar of pills that had been left behind.

"What?" he asked.

"My friend Usagi has been saving up for months to get her son's prescription filled. Do you think you can spare a few?" Tsunami replied.

"I'm not sure. Based on how much Kakashi gave Naruto, there doesn't seem to be enough to last for the rest of the mission." he said after he looked into the jar and calculated its contents.

He knew that Naruto would be here for a few weeks and, if he got Kakashi to very carefully ration the pills and not use nearly as many as he did today, they just might last that long if they were extremely lucky.

"Why don't you send a messenger back to Konoha and get more?" Sakura asked.

"Why didn't I think of that earlier?" he said, feeling like an idiot.

While a person would normally have to worry about their messenger being intercepted, he usually didn't as none of his summons had been caught by human hands so far. After quickly grabbing a piece of paper and a writing implement, he scrawled out a short note.

"What does Code Orange 3-2, Kakashi found temporary solution but running low mean?" Sakura asked, obviously having read over his shoulder.

"Code Orange is when Naruto pulls a prank." Sasuke said.

"How do you know that?" Sakura asked.

"My dad and It...Him both got called out after that paint bomb incident five years ago." Sasuke said.

"Actually, Code Orange is a reference to Naruto himself, and you don't need to worry about the rest." he said before he started the seals for the Summoning Jutsu.

"Rocky, take this to the Captain, and hurry back with whatever he gives you." he said as he handed the note to his favorite summon who then hopped out the window and scurried away.

* * *

"Why didn't you poison the Ninja when you had the chance?" Gato asked the doctor that had treated the Ninja who had been hired to protect the thrice damned bridge builder Tazuna.

"Do you have any idea what those idiots brought here?" the doctor cried hysterically as he frantically packed, haphazardly throwing everything he could reach into any container he could find.

"What did they bring?" he asked wondering if he should worry, considering the doctor's actions.

"There is only a maximum of eight recorded cases of Chakra Induced Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at any given time. The one thing those eight cases have in common is that the person suffering from the disorder is a Jinchuriki." the doctor said as he grabbed his surgical instruments and crammed them into a woman's handbag.

"That doesn't answer my question about why you didn't poison him." he said, covering his ignorance about the meaning of the term Jinchuriki.

The doctor had been a civillian employee at a shinobi hospital in Kumo before he was fired for sexual misconduct. And, whatever the hell a Jinchuriki was, it was was obviously some ninja thing.

"He's a Jinchuriki! The deadliest poison in the Elemental Countries would only give him a mild case of indigestion. I should know, considering that I was on the team that got called in when someone tried to assassinate the Raikage's younger brother." the doctor said as he crammed a bunch of files into a trash can that he then set next to a rice bag full of clothes.

"At the very least, you shouldn't have treated him." he said figuring that "Jinchuriki" was a term for one of those "Bloodline Traits" that the Ninja spoke of, probably a rather formidable one if the doctor's fear was any indication.

"You should be glad that I did! I just headed off an incalculable amount of chaos and destruction by doing so. I'm thanking my lucky stars that that crooked pharmacist of yours had the old treatment for ADHD which was derived from medication that was created for Suna's first Jinchuriki on hand rather than what's been the standard treatment in the decade since they noticed the stuff caused a mild, and in rare cases, moderate to severe drain on a person's Chakra reserves. Even with the medication, that kid has enough power to blow half the continent off the map, and when he's completely off his medication a brain damaged gnat would be extremely focused in comparison to him. When those two things are put together, it's very bad for everyone around him which unfortunately would currently include you and your business." the doctor said as he scribbled something on a prescription pad.

"Here's my letter of resignation. I'm going to be moving away, far away. I don't want to be in the same country or much less on the same continent with a Jinchuriki that's been hired to oppose you and your employees." the doctor said, tearing off a sheet of paper and handing it to him.

While he stared dumbfoundedly at the note, the doctor took his chance to make good on his escape.

"If there's anything left standing on the island by the time I reach my destination, I'll send someone to pick up the rest of my stuff." the doctor called over his shoulder before grabbing the sack that contained his clothes and the handbag that contained his equipment and racing off to the wharf to catch the next boat out of Wave.

* * *

Kakashi sighed as he summoned Pakkun and Bull before he went to bed. After the rather eventful afternoon, things had finally calmed down a bit. He was extremely tired, and hadn't found a good time to have the conversation with Tenzo which could be put on hold until tomorrow. Tenzo, a man who, before today, he could almost consider a friend, was the reason he had summoned Bull. If the man made any aggressive moves towards Naruto he would get a rather nasty surprise. Bull was fast despite his massive size and would be able to slow Tenzo down enough for him to reach the boy's room and respond to the situation, if Bull didn't kill the man first that is. After Bull was dispatched to Naruto's bedside, he turned to Pakkun.

"Explain." he said.

"Explain what?" Pakkun asked.

"When I summoned you to find Naruto, you questioned my sanity. During the search you accused me of raising him from the dead." he replied. "Explain now."

Pakkun stared at him with a look of total confusion in his eyes.

"I never said anything about Naruto being dead." the dog said.

"Yes, you did." he replied.

"So, that's where the other Pakkun went earlier." Pakkun said as understanding appeared to dawn on him..

"Other Pakkun?" he asked.

"Time travel doesn't work in our realm the way it does in yours. Unlike here where you can't exist in two places at once and merge with your "Past self", we can and do remain separate. I wouldn't recommend trying to summon us both at the same time because, when we're both in this plane we would be forced to merge and the result wouldn't be pretty. If it doesn't kill us outright that is. By the way, around the same time your pack from the "Future" arrived, the Toads and the Flying Squirrels started going nuts about something and closed their borders." Pakkun replied.

_The Toads I get, considering the fact that Jiraiya showed up several months earlier than he had the last time around and, now that I think of it, the way he acted around Naruto when I introduced them was as if he'd been pretending that he doesn't know the boy. I had ignored the man's odd behavior because I knew he hadn't meant Naruto any harm. But, the Flying Squirrels? _he thought.

"Flying Squirrels?" he asked knowing that Pakkun would understand his meaning and give a report.

"What? I thought they were cute." Tenzo said, having entered the room just as he asked Pakkun his question.

(**^**)

**Author's note: **_I'm not going to write out the whole Tenzo and Kakashi converse about time travel thing and discover that they're from two completely different timelines partially because most of the conversation would cover stuff in the Shit You Already Know category eg. "Naruto was killed at the Valley of the End by Sasuke." "No, he barely survived that. The reason I'm here is because Naruto got so upset over the destruction of Konoha and the deaths of almost all of his precious people that he turned the Kyuubi loose.", and partially because I'm lazy. _

_Suffice to say, both men went to bed with massive headaches from trying to wrap their minds around the lecture on the nature of Space, Time, and the Multiverse that Pakkun had given them and agreed that they were going to have a discussion with Jiraiya when they got back. Neither man came to the realization that Naruto was a fellow time traveler at that point as Naruto hadn't really said or done anything in front of them that indicated such, and both had individually come to the conclusion that Naruto's differing behavior was due to changes that either Kakashi or Jiraiya had made since none of his behavior had been entirely unexplainable so far._

_**Edited 11-3-12**_


	14. Contracts and Naruto's Little Habit

Naruto awoke feeling relatively normal after having had an odd dream where he'd been the Kyuubi, and he had been locked in a padded room and was dying of boredom. Figuring that it might have had something to do with when he appeared in front of the fox's prison some time during the night, he put it out of mind and did his best to forget it. He'd mostly tuned the fox out during his unwanted visit to the creature but, now that he thought about it, he could vaguely remember the Kyuubi saying something about a padded room.

Feeling rather more energetic than he usually did in the morning, he hopped up off the futon someone had put him on and raced downstairs.

"Morning Kakashi-Sensei." he chirped happily as he entered the kitchen where Tsunami was preparing breakfast.

"You seem surprisingly normal." Kakashi said as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "I thought it would take a week or more for that to happen but, then again, I'm not a medical professional and you're definitely not normal."

"Not all of the meds were out of my system yet when I reached what someone once called my "Squirrel on Speed" stage, and the mangy furball has had a decade of practice at maintaining the proper levels of medication in my system. It said something about some padded room being boring when it fixed everything last night." he replied, ignoring the strange stare Sakura - who had just made her way into the room - was giving him.

"I knew there was something wrong with you Naruto!" Sakura finally yelled at him. "There has to be something seriously wrong with a person who would invent a perverted sex change jutsu."

That last bit was off the wall but, it looked like she'd decided to use yesterday as an opportunity to harp on the Oiroke Jutsu yet again. Sakura had yelled at him about the jutsu after his in class demonstration during the transformation test, and she'd yelled at him about it again after she'd learned that that was how he and Sasuke had gotten into a bar, accusing him of attempting to "corrupt" her "precious" Sasuke. The Last time around, she yelled at him and hit him because he had taught it to Konohamaru, and would hit him for every time he or Konohamaru used it in front of her. Now, she was deciding to bring it up again for whatever reason.

"I didn't invent it." he said. "I found it on an old scroll that the Old Man Hokage gave me for my birthday. I did make several modifications to it including the Harem jutsu though."

"WHAT?" everyone at the table waiting for their meal who knew about the "Sexy" jutsu (which was everyone but Tazuna and family) said at once.

"Who invented it then?" Sakura asked, probably trying to catch him in a lie so she would have a "legitimate" excuse to hit him.

"Senju Tobirama. He invented it so he could get into the women's side of the onsen he visited unnoticed. According to what I've found out about him, he was something like Ero-Senin except he didn't have to pay to get laid, and wasn't rendered incapable of reproduction by a teammate that caught him spying on her during an intimate moment with her fiancee." he replied.

Kakashi spat out the coffee that he'd been drinking through his mask - something Naruto found somewhat disgusting considering the various things up to and including the blood of other ninja that could get on the mask before the coffee even touched it - and turned to look at him. Sasuke looked down at his shorts and winced, probably imagining the myriad of painful ways in which a man could be rendered sterile by an angry Kunoichi. Sakura however...

**"NARUTO! DON'T TELL LIES ABOUT THE SECOND HOKAGE!" **Sakura yelled as she punched him in the head.

He'd learned not to dodge too much because, if he did, it would be much worse for him the next time she managed to get him.

"I'm not lying. Let's just say that if someone wanted to take out Hashirama Senju's line they'd just have to kill Tsunade but, if they wanted to take out Tobirama's they'd have to wipe out a small to sizable chunk of Suna, Kumo, Kiri, and Iwa before going off and hunting up and down the entire damn continent. Oh, and they'd have to take me out too." he said.

"Why no-one else in Konoha?" Kakashi asked, apparently checking to see if he knew anything about the not-so-well hidden Hatake family secret.

"The First Hokage made a "Not in Konoha unless you plan to marry her" rule which he signed into law the instant he was in office to prevent certain problems with the other clans. Since Tobirama couldn't get married without like a thousand women going after his blood for doing so, and he wanted to survive with his balls intact, he pretty much kept to the rule. There were rumors of him having tried to skirt around the law by having relations with a woman who was already married but, they were declared to have been malicious after the parents of the infant in question revealed that being born with gray hair was something that popped up on the father's side of the family once every couple of generations or so and that a few of the mother's more distant relatives had been born with gray hair as well. After Tobirama made Hokage, he toned it down a bit when he was away because he didn't want another incident like the one where Uzu nearly declared war on Konoha despite the fact that they were eternal allies." he replied.

"Let me guess, you're going to say that the Second Hokage bedded the Whirlpool Daimyo's daughter and you're a descendant?" Sakura said sarcastically, clearly not believing what he was saying.

It looked like Sasuke and Yamato-taicho doubted him as well. He knew that Kakashi knew the story was true. Why wouldn't he, since the last two generations of the Hatake were actually Senju? Tazuna looked like he was trying not to laugh or something, and Tsunami was looking scandalized by the whole conversation but, wasn't sure if it was safe to interrupt a ninja. Inari was looking depressed as always.

"Close. His neice. Her daughter married into the Uzumaki clan and had Kushina who had me." he replied.

"Yeah right." Sasuke said.

"If I may ask, what's so funny?" Yamato-taicho said, turning to Tazuna who was still trying not to laugh.

"Compared to the rest of his clan, your First Hokage was a prude. Your second was rather normal for a Senju." Tazuna said before he finally started laughing.

"You're not my great-uncle are you?" he asked after thinking over what the old bridge builder had said.

Considering the fact that Tobirama had really gotten around, and had cashed in on his status as the brother of the best Head the Senju clan had seen in centuries any number of times, it was within the realm of possibility that he was related to the old drunk.

"Nah, I'm not that closely related to you. A couple centuries ago, Wave was a dumping ground for thieves and whores from Fire, Whirlpool, and Water and was still a little wild a hundred years ago when the Senju showed up to deal with a pirate problem at the behest of the local Daimyo. I'm reasonably certain they had one hell of a time while they were here, since the dominant hair color for the region went from brown to black within two generations." Tazuna said.

It was at this point that Tsunami set breakfast down at the table, putting the plates down in front of their recipients a little more firmly than was necessary. Apparently, she didn't find this to be appropriate conversation for the breakfast table, especially in front of a child. After breakfast, Kakashi, upon realizing that he was back to normal and wasn't going to suddenly run off into the woods or something, gave him and the rest of the team permission to explore. He instantly knew where he was going. He was going to get his favorite drink, one he only rarely got because people kept chasing him away from it. He never knew why everyone kept saying it was poison when they did so. Poison tasted nasty, and this stuff was sweet so there was no way that it could possibly be poison.

"You guys go on ahead, I'm going to go get something to drink." he said when he reached the place where the sweet goodness was kept.

"You're getting something to drink in a shed?" Sakura asked looking confused.

Sasuke just smirked and followed him inside as he went to get his precious. There was only one bottle here towards the back, hidden amongst some cleaning supplies and spare parts for a boat motor, and it was only three quarters of the way full but, he knew where there were others. Grabbing it with a cry of joy, he briefly hugged it to himself before he opened it and started chugging.

Remembering his manners, he stopped and offered the bottle to Sasuke. Sasuke took a swig from the bottle. His eyes then widened in shock at the flavor, before he spat it out. He should have remembered that Sasuke hated sweets. Sasuke turned the bottle in his hands around and looked at the label on the back and gaped at it for a moment before getting up and running.

"Sakura, go get Hatake-sensei!" Sasuke yelled. "Naruto just attempted suicide and tried taking me with him! Hurry! I'll keep an eye on him until you get back."

He wondered what the hell that was all about. He hadn't tried to commit suicide, and if he ever did make an attempt, he wouldn't try to take anyone other than Madara and that mangy fox with him.

"What was that all about?" he asked Sasuke when he returned.

Sasuke didn't reply, he just sat there staring at him, looking as if he'd seen a ghost or something. After about a minute, he realized that Sasuke was probably going to stay like that and decided to ignore him and finish off what little was left in the bottle that Sasuke had spilled when he had dropped it on his way out, savoring it because he didn't know when he would have another chance to get at all of the other bottles in the village thanks to Sasuke's little "Suicide alert" that would most likely cause Kakashi and Yamato-taicho to watch him much more closely. He remembered what happened the last time they had thought he was "suicidal". At least Iruka wouldn't be there not letting him out of his sight for even a second, going as far as trying to follow him into the bathroom, frantically knocking if he thought he was too silent or taking too long, and looking relieved every time he came out.

About two minutes after Sasuke's bizarre outburst, Kakashi and Yamato came bursting in. Kakashi enveloped him in a hug as he snatched the bottle out of his hands and threw it to the floor.

"Naruto, whatever's wrong, it'll be okay." he said, clutching him tighter. "I'll..."

Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by Yamato-taicho.

"Er, Sempai" Yamato-taicho said.

"What?" Kakashi snapped.

"You know, the only time I ever saw Sai show any genuine emotion before Naruto managed to get him to crack during our first mission together was when he caught sight of Naruto's dessert back at the inn. If Jiraiya hadn't told me about his little habit, I would've panicked myself." Yamato-taicho said as he held the bottle up so the label of its contents was prominently displayed.

Kakashi's almost desperate grip on him loosened a bit, and he sighed.

"Naruto..." Kakashi said.

"Yes Kakashi-Sensei?" he asked.

"How many times have you been told not to drink antifreeze?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke and Sakura who was out of breath from running so quickly stood there staring in shock.

"Lots." he replied.

He knew the "But Ero-Senin lets me do it." excuse wouldn't fly at the moment so he bit it back.

"I'm going to have to come up with a suitable punishment for you later. Right now however, you're going to have to apologize to your teammates for scaring them." Kakashi said as he let him go.

"On a side note you two, I wouldn't recommend using Naruto as a taste tester to see if your food is safe or not. He's immune to just about every poison known to mankind. With him, sometimes a stomach ache is just a stomach ache, and other times, it's something else like Ricin or Strychnine." Kakashi said, turning to Sasuke and Sakura.

"That's one of the reasons we have such a hard time keeping him away from antifreeze. The only reason we do so really is because he doesn't seem to think it's dangerous and might offer it to someone who didn't know what it was, like his little friend Konohamaru." Kakashi continued turning back towards him, obviously trying to press some point.

"It's a miracle he hasn't done so already considering the number of other people he's offered it to. The look on Sai's face was absolutely priceless." Yamato-taicho said.

That was the second time that the man had brought up Sai, and the incident back when he'd first met him and Yamato-taicho which was odd because, that didn't happen for another three years. Either that, or there was some mission that he was forgetting for some reason that might have had to do with Danzo. He wouldn't put it past the old man to have sent him on missions back when he was at the Academy and wiped them from his memory.

"Actually, I think the Hokage might have told Konohamaru not to drink anything that Naruto offered him for that reason." Kakashi said. "That, and the fact that he accidentally poisoned the Council when he was six. Or rather Homura did when he stole Naruto's thermos when he passed him while he was on his way to the Academy. It's a pity that Danzo didn't like "kiddie" drinks."

Throughout the rest of the exchange between Kakashi-sensei and Yamato-taicho, Sasuke and Sakura stared at him in horrified shock.

* * *

After a rather nice lunch during which Kakashi-sempai scolded Naruto for worrying his teammates over something they probably hadn't noticed the last time around and wouldn't have noticed this time if he hadn't behaved so oddly yesterday, he sent the Genin out to train. Minutes after the students left, there was a knock at the door. Tsunami answered it, paling at the sight of whoever was on the other side. He immediately went to high alert at this as did Kakashi-sempai, only relaxing when Tsunami moved to the side to reveal his captain, Jiraiya, and what looked to be several heavily armed hunter nin.

"Report." his captain said, barking at Kakashi-sempai rather than him. Kakashi-sempai looked rather puzzled by this but, it was understandable considering the fact that he had forgotten to tell the man that he had sent away for more medication during their conversation last night.

"Hatake Kakashi allowed Uzumaki Naruto's medication to run out and neglected to get a refill before leaving Konoha, as a result Uzumaki went without his medication for a couple days, and there was a minor incident." he said to prevent potential embarrassment for his sempai.

"Minor incident?" his captain asked.

"Uzumaki ran off into the woods after a squirrel but, Jounin Hatake was able to retrieve him after several minutes with the aid of a tracking summon." he replied.

The team of hunter-nin who looked to be preparing for the Itachi Maneuver turned towards Kakashi-sempai, their body language spoke of reverent awe. It had been after Jiraiya had spoken of his experiences with Naruto off his meds in the timeline he had come from that he had finally learned why they would react to Naruto's capture in such a manner and read the report of the mission that had spawned the highly unusual technique that was labeled as the Itachi maneuver, and was listed as the standard capture procedure for one Uzumaki Naruto in the event of a Section Three situation.

When Naruto had first entered the Academy, the school medic who had some "Ideas" about the medicating of children was in charge of giving Naruto his medication. She didn't. Naruto had run off into the woods after some small furry animal and, for over a month, all efforts to capture him, including those made by the most experienced hunter nin, had failed. It was entirely possible that he would never have been captured if Uchiha Itachi hadn't come up with the bright - or rather so insanely stupid and incredibly off the wall it actually worked - idea of soaking his clothing and armor in instant ramen. Itachi returned half a day later carrying a surprisingly calm Naruto who kept trying to eat his shirt when he wasn't gnawing on his chest plate.

"We were able to reach town where Hatake found a local pharmacy that carried Uzumaki's medication but, at much smaller doses. Upon realizing that there wasn't enough medication to last until the end of the mission which won't be completed for at least another three weeks, I followed Genin Haruno Sakura's suggestion to send for more." he said, concluding his summary of events.

"What is Uzumaki's condition?" his captain asked looking as if he was dreading the answer.

"His behavior seems to have returned to normal. He even downed a whole bottle of antifreeze this morning." he replied relieved that the situation hadn't been worse.

Rather than looking relieved at this, his captain stiffened at his statement, and several of the hunter nin started reaching into their packs for their med-kits, preparing for a medical emergency.

"I can't believe I vouched for you." his captain said, shaking his head sadly as the hunter nin left the room, presumably in search of a Naruto they believed to be in need of serious medical attention.

Apparently, someone had failed to pass on the memo, and it was only Naruto's immediate caretakers that knew of his little habit as they tended to discover it the hard way. His captain would be calming down as soon as he saw that Naruto was fine and not in need of any help. The fact that his captain had had to vouch for him however sounded ominous.

"Vouched for me?" he asked.

"The Hokage put out an order for you to be captured and detained. The only reason there aren't hunter nins on your ass right now is because I told him that you weren't in your right mind at the time, that the statements you had made in my presence indicated that you hadn't meant Uzumaki any harm, that you would return on your own soon, and that you would come in quietly when you did." his captain said looking at him in disgust.

"I told you. I warned you and everyone else under my command. No matter what your personal feelings for Uzumaki are, he's the Hokage's pet, and..." his captain continued before Jiraiya cut him off.

"Actually he's on the list of potential successors and, if he isn't ready by the time Hiruzen-Sensei dies, he's on the successor list of one, possibly even two or more of the candidates for Godaime. He's also on Hyuuga Hiashi's rather short list of "Boys not to murder if my daughter brings them home"." Jiraiya said sounding more proud of the fact that Naruto had somehow managed to impress the Hyuuga clan leader than the fact that Naruto could potentially become the Godaime or the Rokudaime Hokage.

How Naruto had ended up on Hyuuga Hiashi's list already was a mystery he'd love to solve, considering the fact that the boy had not yet pulled the stick out of Hyuuga Neji's ass or given Hyuuga Hinata her confidence boost. Whatever the boy had done had to have been something, considering the fact he'd heard that the Head of the Hyuuga clan had given the shovel speech to the heir of one of Konoha's more important clans when the boy had made the mistake of smiling at his daughter in his presence.

If the situation wasn't so serious, he would have laughed at the expression that crossed his captain's face at Jiraiya's comment.

* * *

Zabuza felt like crying as he read the fine print of the contract Gato had shoved under his nose after he'd learned that he'd fled the scene of battle, sparing the bridge builder Tazuna in the process. If he broke the deal, he would be in the poorhouse, forced to pay the bastard Gato for the privilege of working for him. If he killed Gato right now as he was tempted to do, he'd be swimming in an ocean of debt that would have every damn debt collector on the continent out for his blood which would make him have to really run because they wouldn't be searching for him as half-assedly as the hunter-nin from back home were.

He had no choice, he would have to go back and pray that the Uzumaki was off doing whatever it was they did when they did when they weren't totally destroying their opponents in the most humiliating ways possible. He'd only escaped with his life this time because the child had been more interested in Haku's rabbit than fighting, and there was very little chance that he would be so fortunate the next time.

"And why did you run from the battle with your tail between your legs even before the fighting started?" Gato asked when he'd noticed that he'd finally slogged through all of the tedious fine print that you'd nearly need a microscope to see.

He'd tried to read it all before but, had given up after the first migraine the last time. This time however, he'd managed to push through the pain because he knew he had to. The Gato bastard had his balls in a vice and he knew it and now, he knew he knew it.

"They had an Uzumaki with them." he replied as if that explained everything because, well, it did.

"What is an Uzumaki?" Gato asked, apparently unaware of the existence of the most fearsome ninja clan in history.

"If I'm considered to be a Devil, the Uzumaki would be considered to be some sort of hell god on a level I could never reach. At least I would let a person die with a modicum of dignity. The Uzumaki never give you that chance." he answered, whimpering at the thought of being forced to go up against such a creature.

It was his fault for taking the job however.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	15. Discussions of the Future

Naruto watched as Yamato-taicho left with the ANBU captain and the Hunter-Nin half an hour after sun-up. The mission - namely protect Tazuna until he finishes his bridge - had been allowed to continue once his meds and enough spare bottles to stock a pharmacy had been handed to Kakashi. Jiraiya had wanted to stay but, but had gone with the ANBU party after he requested that he make sure nothing bad happened to Yamato-taicho. Yamato may have had the creepiest stare besides that of Orochimaru but, he was a good man and had kept the Kyuubi from popping out at inopportune times during his training, completely exhausting himself in the process. Having the Sandaime angry at him wasn't something the poor man deserved, especially because it wasn't good for his health and possibly his continued existence depending on how pissed the Old Man was.

His punishment for scaring the rest of his team over the Antifreeze incident turned out to be that he had to listen to a long lecture about Ethylene Glycol, its intended uses - none of which were human consumption -, its effects on the normal human body, and why one shouldn't try and get their friends to drink it immediately after breakfast. On the punishment scale, it was just below getting his stomach pumped again.

It had been after Kakashi-Sensei had set them to reviewing the tree climbing exercise and seemingly ditched them - when in reality he was sticking to Tazuna and family like glue in case Zabuza showed up again as the Genin were perfectly safe with Naruto nearby - that he found his opportunity to talk to Sasuke about the future and why seeking vengeance is bad for one's health amongst other things.

"Hey, Sasuke. Would you mind coming here a bit, I have something to tell you." he said.

Sasuke looked at him warily, but dropped off the tree trunk and followed him deeper into the woods. Once they found an acceptable clearing, he sat down and indicated for Sasuke to do the same.

"Well, to start off with, the reason I couldn't tell you these things back in Konoha is because the walls have ears, and I didn't want to deal with interference from Shimura "I do incredibly evil things for the good of the village" Danzo who wouldn't want you to hear what I have to say. I am going to tell you the truth about some things that were hidden from you, as it would be much better getting it from me now instead of being tied up and forced to listen to Uchiha Madara's "Pity me, the poor misunderstood hero" version of it after Itachi dies. To start off with, I'm from about five years in the future. This is my second time going through this mission, though the last time around it went really, really differently. For one, Kakashi-sensei got a last minute refill on my meds in Konoha and actually remembered to give them to me." He started.

Sasuke sorta stared at him while he talked, looking as if he thought he was insane, but didn't move to leave. He took that as a sign to continue.

"Since Kakashi-sensei didn't give me the really neat clothes I've been wearing recently the last time around, I was stuck wearing that tracksuit with the Uzushio spiral on it rather than the Uzumaki clan marking. Because of this, the fights we had avoided because the Mist ninja noticed what clan I was from actually took place. Since the fight with the Demon Brothers was my first battle, I kinda got scared and forgot to use clones on them. You and Kakashi ended up beating them up and tying them to a tree fully clothed." he continued.

Sasuke made a Hn. noise as if he considered that scenario to be possible.

"We later met Momochi Zabuza after I nearly scared the poor rabbit to death much like the first time except that I wasn't in Super Hyper Mode. He did his whole grand entrance thing with the sword, which I kinda ruined. Instead of running off, he tried scaring the crap out of us with some sort of mist trick, then Kakashi-sensei told us how he got his nickname. There was this huge fight between him and Kakashi that ended when Haku stuck a couple senbon in Zabuza's neck and pretended he was dead. Kakashi-sensei passed out from overusing the Sharingan eye he keeps under his headband - by the way, how the hell did he get the Mangekyo Sharingan? I'm pretty sure I would have heard about it if he killed his best friend - and we carried him to Tazuna's house." he continued.

Sasuke seemed to have found this scenario to be plausible as well, though he looked a bit shocked when he mentioned that Kakashi had a Sharingan eye and a Mangekyo Shaningan no less.

"Kakashi-Sensei originally taught us the tree walking exercise today, as he'd pretty much been slacking off instead of training us because he decided he didn't like us because of some stupid prank I pulled, and actually supervised us despite the fact he was hobbling around on crutches rather than wandering off and leaving us to fend for ourselves. A few days from now, while I was trying to master the tree walking exercise, I met Haku who was dressed like a girl at the time while he was wandering around looking for medicinal herbs, and we became friends. A week from now there was this battle on the bridge. Kakashi-sensei and Zabuza were fighting each-other and you, I and Haku were fighting each-other while Sakura guarded Tazuna. Haku turned you into a pincushion when you jumped in front of an attack meant for me. I thought you died and sorta went nuts, and used some of the Nine-Tailed Fox's energy to defeat Haku. Haku told me how his father killed his mother and tried to kill him because he had a Kekkei Genkai, and how he met Zabuza who gave him a purpose in life. Haku then jumped in front of an attack meant for Zabuza and died. That's about when Gato showed up with his thugs intending to take all of us out because he never intended to pay Zabuza and Haku in the first place, and had been hoping we'd kill them. Zabuza ended up killing Gato before he died. About two seconds before Zabuza died, he admitted he saw Haku as something more than a tool and asked to be buried next to him. Inari and the villagers he managed to rally defeated the rest of the thugs who had decided to pillage the village because Zabuza killed their "Meal ticket". We went home after the bridge that I later learned was named after me was built." he said, finishing his summary of the mission as it had been.

"What does that have to do with this "truth" you're going to tell me?" Sasuke finally asked after staring at him as if he were nuts for a few minutes.

Apparently, he hadn't found the scenario to be as reasonable as he thought he had, despite the fact that that was how it had actually happened the last time around.

"Well, I figured Haku would want to hear about it considering the fact he's hiding in one of the trees over there spying on us. I guess he has nothing better to do since Zabuza's not injured this time around." he said, ignoring the faint gasp that came from the bushes behind him.

It seemed that Sakura had decided to join the eavesdropping party as well.

"As for the truth I'm going to tell you, the responsibility for the massacre of the Uchiha clan could be laid at the feet of Uchiha Madara, Shimura Danzo, Utatane Koharu, Mitokado Homura, and a large percentage of the Uchiha clan itself." He said.

Sasuke appeared to be considering his words, which seemed to be a good sign.

"It kinda all started when Madara had been forced to sign a peace treaty with the Senju by the rest of his clan. Despite the fact that he was pissed about the treaty that led to the founding of Konoha, he still expected to be named Hokage. This was not to be however, and he ended up throwing a huge hissy fit when Senju Hashirama was named Hokage instead of him, and left to cause chaos and destruction. At one point, he tried to kill the First Hokage with a giant Nine-Tailed Fox and failed miserably, nearly getting himself killed in the process." he continued.

Sasuke hned. Apparently, he'd heard a version of this story. Probably the one where Madara died at the end of that totally epic fight that had created the Valley of the End.

"Several decades later, Madara must've gotten bored or tired of controlling the Mizukage or something because he decided to try and destroy Konoha with the Nine-Tailed Fox. He failed at this as well because, my father sacrificed himself to seal the fox inside of me, kinda forgetting that I'd be left an orphan and that Jiraiya was completely irresponsible and incapable of taking care of a small child. In the aftermath of the attack, the village came to the logical conclusion that it must have been a Uchiha that had turned the Kyuubi loose on them as it had been an Uchiha who had been controlling the Kyuubi in the Valley of the End, and decided not to trust the Uchiha. Your father and a large percentage of the clan responded to this by proving themselves completely untrustworthy and planning a coup in which the Uchiha would take control of Konoha by force. The Old Man had learned of these plans and tried to come up with a peaceful solution because, if the Uchiha went ahead with their plans, they would spark a bloody civil war that would destroy the village, possibly the country, and maybe even start the Fourth Great Shinobi War." he continued.

Sasuke seemed to be having serious doubts about the validity of this portion of the tale.

"Your father and his co-conspirators refused to come to a peaceful agreement with the Hokage. It was then that Danzo and the Hokage's two former teammates/advisors ordered your pacifist brother whose loyalty was to the village as a whole rather than solely to the clan to wipe out the entire clan." he said.

This was probably the most important part of the story to Sasuke since it revealed the real reason why his brother had killed the clan. After hearing it, Sasuke sat there for a moment, seemingly unable to process what he'd just said or how to respond, but finally, seemed to come to the decision that he should say nothing. He took that as a sign to continue.

"It had been while Itachi was wondering how he would be able to complete his mission by himself even if he had the Mangekyo Sharingan that he had run into Madara who had shown up because he had yet again come up with another crazy scheme for destroying Konoha. Deciding to kill two birds with one stone, Itachi came to an agreement with Madara in which Madara would be allowed free range to get revenge on his clan for "turning their backs on him" as long as he left the rest of the village alone. When the time came, Itachi killed everyone who was involved in the planning of the coup while Madara just ran wild that night. Itachi couldn't kill you or allow you to be killed however, as you were his innocent beloved little brother. Instead, he put you under the Tsukuyomi so that you wouldn't see Madara making his escape and give the man reason to eliminate you as a witness, and so you would be motivated to kill him so you could become strong enough to take on Madara if the man ever tried to harm you. After the massacre, Itachi joined Madara's organization which is called the Akatsuki to keep an eye on Madara who, incidentally, was the one who started the whole killing people with Kekkei Genkai thing in Kiri while he'd been controlling the Mizukage, and keep him as far away from Konoha as he could get him." he finished.

Sasuke sat staring at him seemingly unable to say anything after he had finished. Sakura was sitting in her bush crying, undoubtedly over the poor wounded soul of Itachi who had been forced to kill his family for the sake of the village. He hoped to God that the girl didn't try to stalk Itachi when he showed up to make his attempt at capturing him, as that would not end well. Haku was sitting quietly in his tree knitting what looked to be a scarf with a pair of senbon, not bothering to hide anymore as he'd already been spotted and not been chased off or even told to leave. It looked rather relaxing. Maybe he should take up knitting as a hobby.

"Well, now that we've been pretty much brought to the present, I may as well give you some warnings based on mistakes you guys or rather the yous from the future made." he said.

Sasuke seemed to perk up or whatever at this. At least he wasn't looking as poleaxed as he had been moments earlier.

"You already know how this mission went since I already told you, and as it has been changed, I will just say to Haku that as long as you and Zabuza don't attack me, my team, or my mission objective and his family, I'll leave you alone. I actually like you Haku and would hate to have to kill you since you were rather nice to me the last time around, and used non-lethal force in your fight with me and Sasuke. As I have five years extra knowledge including a jutsu I invented to take out an S class missing nin about four years from now under my belt, it would be quite possible to kill the both of you this time around if I have to." he continued.

Haku nodded to acknowledge that he had heard his warning as he counted his stitches at the end of the row to make sure he hadn't dropped any.

"As for you Sasuke, I would advise you to not become a revenge obsessed asshole. But, if you feel you absolutely must, don't turn traitor to Konoha and/or make destroying it your goal in life. The poor people who are just trying to get on with their lives don't deserve to have them ended because of something that asshat Danzo and his pet councilors did. Joining Orochimaru is a very bad idea, and is very very wrong on so many levels." he said, turning to the boy who was still listening to him or at least appearing to.

"If Orochimaru manages to bite you and give you a curse seal, whatever you do, don't use it. Also, have a qualified seal master such as Jiraiya or the Old Man contain it as soon as humanly possible. Kakashi's good, but he isn't a master. If Orochimaru somehow gets a toehold and tries to take over your body, and you manage to absorb him rather than him taking control, run straight to Itachi as he has or would soon be able to get his hands on a solution to deal with the problem. The solution will involve severely stressing you out and exhausting you completely but, it would be worth it to be rid of Orochimaru. It will also quite likely kill Itachi in the process but, as he is already dying from some sort of disease and actually wants to commit suicide by younger brother, you shouldn't feel as guilty about it this time around. Whatever you do don't join Madara. That guy's a fucking lunatic and will quite likely turn on you if and when it suits his purposes, despite the fact that you're related and you'll bear a disturbingly striking resemblance to his brother in a few years. Seeing as that guy didn't have any problems killing your favorite baby cousin in his crib, you should be understandably wary of him." he said hoping that Sasuke wasn't still sitting there just to humor him and only pretending to listen as he appeared to have gone into his arrogant bastard default mode.

"If you ignore my advice and do end up joining Orochimaru for some insane reason, such as seeking revenge on Madara and the Council or something, don't sign the Apprenticeship Contract. After the other you breached the contract by er...consuming Orochimaru, no person in their right mind would train him even if he crawled to them on his hands and knees and promised daily blow jobs. Oddly enough, if Orochimaru had experimented on him, taken control of his body, consumed him via osmosis or some other means, or simply killed him in a fit of pique it wouldn't have been a breach of contract unless stated otherwise, which it hadn't been." he concluded.

"How would eating Orochimaru after he died be a breach of contract?" Sasuke asked looking puzzled.

"He was alive when you um, absorbed him." he replied.

"He was alive when I ate him?" Sasuke said looking shocked, horrified and disgusted.

He blinked, briefly taken aback by the fact that Sasuke was more concerned over the fact that Orochimaru had been alive at time of consumption rather than the fact that "Future Sasuke" had "eaten" him.

"Right. I forgot about the Uchiha funerary rites and why you should stay the hell away from any of the dishes that contain meat if you're ever invited to a funeral." he muttered to himself.

He'd learned about the funerary traditions firsthand when some old guy had insisted that he be allowed to attend his entire funeral and not just the public part that was for the benefit of any friends the deceased might have in the village when he was three. As only a Uchiha could consume an Uchiha since the tradition of eating the dead had something to do with nourishing the clan and ensuring that the deceased would be with them forever or something like that, there had been an adoption of some sort. While he was listed as Uchiha Uzumaki Naruto on some forms somewhere, that didn't stop the bastards from putting him back in the orphanage the instant the funeral was over.

While disturbing and rather disgusting from his point of view, it was just one of those clan quirks. Each clan had their own quirks, which included their own seemingly bizarre funerary traditions which had surprisingly practical origins. The Uchiha tradition had come about over several long, hard winters, one of which had been harder than the rest, and started off the beginnings of the tradition. The Inuzuka tradition of burying the deceased's dogs with the deceased even if they had to kill them first had its roots in the fact that while friendly to others, the dogs will bond with only one person and wouldn't fight alongside anyone else inside or outside of the clan without their partner present. In the past, it had been pretty common for a dog to stay at the graveside of its deceased companion refusing to eat until it starved to death. To spare the dog a slow death of starvation, it was decided that if the dog survived its companion's demise it would not be by long. He'd learned this after Inuzuka Hana's funeral.

From the barfing sound in the bush, it was a sure bet that Sakura was starting to reconsider becoming Mrs. Uchiha. Why the civilian born Ninja never seemed to consider these things when they tried to marry into a clan, he didn't know.

* * *

Tenzo wondered how he would breach a certain topic of discussion with Jiraiya. He and Kakashi had forgotten to ask what kind of future Jiraiya had come from last night. Pakkun's lecture on the multiverse had been informative and rather interesting, though extremely difficult to wrap his head around. Apparently, if a situation could go one way or another, it would go both ways. Each way would split off into a different universe. As situations could go many different ways, there were hundreds and thousands, possibly even millions of different universes breaking off every second adding to the already infinite multiverse.

Kakashi-sempai had come from a world where Sasuke had not stayed his hand at the Valley of the End, leaving Naruto dead rather than wounded. While Kakashi-sempai had ostensibly gotten his Mangekyo Sharingan from the same event as the Kakashi he knew and worked with on Team Kakashi three years later, it was under very different circumstances. This Kakashi-sempai hadn't come across a completely still and unbreathing Naruto who miraculously started breathing again when he picked him up to carry him home after standing there a couple of minutes blaming himself for the boy's death. This Kakashi-sempai had come across a dead Naruto who'd had his throat cut by a boy who months earlier had taken what he had thought to be a fatal attack for the boy.

What had it been like for Jiraiya? Had he lost his student before he had really gotten to know him, or had he lost his student after spending years on the road with him? Had Naruto released the Kyuubi much earlier, or had some other event entirely precipitated his journey through time? What horrors had Jiraiya seen that would make him desperate enough to try something that could just as easily be suicide as it could be time travel?

**Edited 11-3-12**


	16. Haku, Zabuza, and Uchiha Funerary Tradit

Haku smiled as he stowed his knitting in his bag and jumped out of the tree he'd been perched in. Today had been quite interesting. He for one didn't doubt the Uzumaki's time travel story as the boy knew things that were either top secret or secrets that only he or Zabuza knew. Quite a bit of it made sense. There had been legends of Seal Masters bending time to their will and cautionary tales of Seal Masters who tried and failed spectacularly. If the man who had used seals to travel long distances instantaneously and managed to seal that which had been considered unsealable had left his writings behind for his son, who knew what could have been amongst them. If he himself had been given the power to change things, he would have done so in an instant.

The story about Madara controlling the Mizukage fit, as when Zabuza-sama had tried to assassinate Yagura, he'd been forced to flee from someone who'd stepped out of the shadows, someone who had been controlling Yagura's actions somehow. The explanation for the Uchiha Massacre fit as well, considering the things he'd heard from Zabuza. In the last years before the massacre, the Uchiha had become increasingly scarce on missions of a more critical nature and, their presence on missions above a low A had practically vanished altogether in the final year. If they had been planning a coup, it would make sense to remove them from missions on which they could conceivably cause harm to Konoha's future, or for them to remove themselves from missions which were likely to kill them and reduce their clan's number of able fighters for when the time came. The Uzumaki could only have known how he viewed himself as Zabuza's tool if he heard it from him himself however.

Hearing that despite how he acted towards him, Zabuza viewed him as something more than a tool had warmed his heart. Zabuza was more than a mere master to him, and he wasn't willing to give his life to just anybody. To learn that his admiration for Zabuza-sama was at least partially returned increased his determination to remain at his side and in his service until his dreams were fulfilled.

From what he overheard, it would seem that the Uzumaki's dark haired teammate was willing to turn traitor to his village and aid those who would destroy it and therefore was a dangerous person to keep around. Why did the Uzumaki spare his teammate when he knew the boy would become a traitor though? Did he see something salvageable in him? Or was it for the Uchiha who had been loyal to Konoha and sacrificed everything to keep it safe, the Uchiha who had done all he could to keep his younger brother alive despite the fact that said brother was completely unworthy that the Uzumaki had stayed his hand? He could hear the Uzumaki's respect for Uchiha Itachi despite his words and his almost mocking mention of the Uchiha's desire for "suicide by younger brother".

Deciding to muse on this and other things such as Gato's planned betrayal later, he made his way back to where he and his master were staying.

* * *

Momochi Zabuza sat polishing his sword as he prepared for a battle he would much rather avoid but couldn't afford to. That's what he got for being stupid enough to actually sign a contract however.

"Master Zabuza." Haku said, getting the swordsman's attention.

"What?" he asked.

"Uzumaki Naruto once again thanks you for his new pet, and says that he will not harm us if we do not go after his team, his friends, or interfere with his current mission." Haku replied, apparently very carefully choosing his words and quite possibly trying to feed him a half-truth based on his expression.

"He also gave us some useful information in good faith. It seems that Gato has hired a large number of thugs that will arrive at Tazuna's bridge roughly a week from now, and their orders are to kill us as well as the Konoha shinobi as Gato does not plan on paying us. The Uzumaki will allow us to deal with these thugs if we so choose. The Uzumaki also gave us the names of several people we should avoid dealing with in the future if it is at all possible. At the top of the list is the Akatsuki which is led by the madman Uchiha Madara who had been controlling Yagura, has twice tried to destroy the village he helped found, and has on multiple occasions killed infants and small children for reasons other than the fact that it was part of a mission. Another name is that of Shimura Danzo who is willing to manipulate anyone if it benefits him or supposedly benefits Konoha. A third is that of Orochimaru whose perverse fascination with Kekkei Genkai has led him to kidnap children and adolescents with such abilities and experiment on them. He experiments on ordinary ninja as well, trying to turn them into monstrosities." Haku continued.

"How did the Uzumaki come by this information?" he asked genuinely surprised that the Uzumaki child would give him something as valuable as what he appeared to have in payment for a small rabbit.

"He earned it through experience. Uzumaki Naruto's father, the Fourth Hokage, was a Seal Master of unparalleled skill, reputed to have been able to bend space and time to his will. Things in the future got to the point that the Uzumaki became desperate enough to use his legacy which would have more than likely killed him rather than sent him back if the story I heard from one of my teachers about a lesser Seal Master who had tried was true." Haku replied.

"What?" he yelled as he shot to his feet, dropping his sword in the process.

This was absolutely unbelievable. Not only was the Uzumaki an Uzumaki, but he was the bastard offspring of the only man who had had a Flee-on-sight order issued only for him and him alone and not the rest of his family as well. The people in Iwa were going to shit themselves when they found out that Namikaze Minato had reproduced. As it was, he was barely keeping himself from doing so.

"From what I could interpret of what he had allowed me to overhear, the Uzumaki traveled back in time to save Konoha from one of his teammates who turned traitor to the village in the near future and joined Orochimaru who he then betrayed before joining Uchiha Madara who tried to destroy the village with the Kyuubi which the Fourth Hokage ended up sealing inside him." Haku said.

"His teammate is a Jinchuriki?" he screamed. If things were bad before, this just made them worse.

"No, the Uzumaki is." Haku replied.

He sat back down before he fainted. He was contractually obligated to go up against a time-traveling Uzumaki who was also a Jinchuriki! If there weren't severe penalties for breaking the contract he had signed with Gato, penalties that would have bounty hunters and hunter-nin from every country on the continent on his tail, he would have run for the hills and beyond. Because he'd been less than careful about who he took a job from, he'd had the misfortune of being pitted against the one Uzumaki who'd been given a double dose of crazy, Namikaze Minato for a father, and the freaking King of Demons to boot.

* * *

"Please tell me you were lying." Sakura said.

"About what?" Naruto asked.

"About Sasuke eating people." She replied.

"I wish I could, but...You know how it is, ancient custom, the origins of which are lost to the mists of time, but continue to be practiced because that's how it's always been. The Uchiha have eaten their dead for centuries, something about those who passed nourishing the clan and living on in future generations. Eating someone from outside of the clan was seen as a sign of extreme respect. Most people never said anything about it because it was just another one of those "Clan quirks", like with the Inuzuka and how when a member of the family dies, all of that person's dogs are buried with them, even the ones that were alive at the time of the person's passing. I think some scholar traced the source of the Uchiha tradition back to the early days of the clan when they got stranded somewhere inhospitable during a particularly hard winter but, I'm not one hundred percent certain. Part of Sasuke's problem with Itachi was that he didn't come back to help properly tend to the clan dead, and the village didn't seem to understand Sasuke's duty because the lot of them were cremated for health reasons while he was in the hospital which is seen as a bad thing for a Uchiha as it is a sign of being considered an outcast, not worthy of nourishing the clan and so forth." Naruto said.

She turned green. When she had decided that she wanted to be Mrs. Uchiha, she had never considered the traditions she would be bound to follow after she married Sasuke. She had just seen herself in a romantic future with her incredibly handsome Sasuke, and with a family name that had been known amongst the shinobi for centuries and was practically considered royalty. What other secrets did the Uchiha hide? What about the other clans?

Now that she was hearing the things that nobody really bothered to comment on for the sake of village unity, she started to understand why her parents had attempted to dissuade her from pursuing Sasuke and tried to get her to find a nice boy from one of the civilian families instead.

* * *

Kakashi wondered what crawled up the traitor's ass to make him storm into Tazuna's house the way he did when he returned from training, and was still wondering when he watched Naruto lead a rather ill looking Sakura up the path and into the house.

"Naruto, did you offer her any strange mushrooms?" he asked.

He really needed to have a serious discussion with the boy about the consequences of offering potentially poisonous "food" to his friends. He'd caught Naruto eating Deathcaps twice during training but had left him to it since it apparently hadn't been hurting him. The same could not be said for Sakura if she were stupid enough to eat the same.

"No, I think she's sick because I told her about Uchiha funerals and stuff." Naruto replied.

"I'm surprised that you remembered, considering the only one you attended was the one for your mother's friend Haku when you were three. The only reason they let you in was because it was specified in his will. Considering the fact that only a Uchiha can eat a Uchiha there was some controversy until Fugaku named you as one of the few adopted outsiders. You're listed on a couple of documents as Uzumaki-Uchiha Naruto. That didn't stop them from sticking you back in the orphanage after the funeral when nobody wanted to take you in though." he said.

He remembered his own experiences with the Uchiha funerary traditions and the sad facsimile of a Uchiha funeral that what was left of his team and Obito's father had given Obito after he had been posthumously cast out of the clan for giving him his eye. It had been difficult, and he, Rin and Minato-Sensei had to keep telling themselves that this was what Obito would have wanted to keep from puking.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	17. The Battle at the Bridge

Zabuza stood there wondering how everything had gone to hell so quickly. He had gone to the bridge with Haku so they could be ready for Gato's ambush, as killing someone he'd hired so he wouldn't have to pay them sounded like something the man would do, as he had been known to have done it before. At that point, he'd decided that Gato had had him by his balls for far too long, and the debt collectors could go to hell for all he cared. If Gato showed up with an army of mercenaries like the Uzumaki claimed he would, he'd kill them all, Gato included.

When he and Haku had arrived at the bridge, they had both rather carefully cleared the workers out of harm's way. But, since he couldn't tell the construction crew why he wanted them out of the area as that would render his plans of counter ambushing Gato useless, he had been forced to use force in order to do so. The construction crew had received only minor injuries on the way to the building he'd selected, as it appeared to be well away from any potential battle sites but unfortunately, the Copy Ninja Kakashi had seen these actions as a threat and had attacked accordingly when he and Tazuna had returned from lunch to find the bridge to be abandoned and completely shrouded in mist. Because the Copy ninja had attacked, he was now in the difficult position of being forced to defend himself while attempting to cause minimal harm to his opponent.

He could tell that Haku was growing increasingly agitated as well as he attempted to keep the Uchiha boy contained and therefore out of both his and the boy's sensei's way. If necessary, Haku would bring the Genin down with non-lethal force.

Fortunately, was absolutely no sign of the Uzumaki boy.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" yelled a disturbingly familiar voice.

Speak of the devil...

He quickly dropped his weapon and moved away from the Uzumaki boy's sensei, holding his empty hands up.

"It's not what it looks like! I wasn't..." he said as he frantically tried to explain the battle that was taking place.

"Look, see, he's not hurt." Haku said at the same time, most likely pointing to the Uzumaki's male teammate, as the female had stayed out of the battle.

The Copy Ninja used the moment of distraction to power up one of his signature lightening jutsu. As what would in moments be his death was powering up, he heard a yell of "WIND STRIPPER ATTACK" come from the Uzumaki boy. Moments later, he was hit by a powerful cyclone of incredibly frigid wind that felt as if it had been filled with thousands of tiny blades as well as the numerous objects it had picked up on its way over to him.

Moments after that, everything went black.

* * *

Gato smirked as he saw Momochi Zabuza be brought down by a child. He'd missed most of the fight due to the thick mist that had enshrouded the bridge that had become a battlefield obscuring everything but, he knew that it couldn't have been all that good considering the fact that the swordsman had been brought down by a child that couldn't have been older than ten.

So much for the Demon of the Bloody Mist. Damn ninjas. Always playing up their reputations and never living up to expectations.

As the curtain of mist faded, he stood near the end of the soon to be destroyed bridge facing the small country he ruled with an iron fist with his horde of mercenaries arrayed behind him, knowing that this would be a dramatic sight when the mist fully cleared away like a parting curtain. Soon, his men would kill the so-called Hell-God Uzumaki as well as the children he'd brought with him, and his reputation would increase.

The blond child who had taken down the man he'd been repeatedly and apparently incorrectly assured was an elite assassin had been the first to notice him. Looking at him and his mercenaries as if they were a minor irritation, the boy made several of those odd hand gestures that ninja made before they attacked. He was pretty sure that whatever the boy planned on doing wouldn't cause too much damage, and would be more focused on the mercenaries behind him as he would see them as the bigger threat.

The boy eventually stopped making those hand gestures and yelled "WATER PROCTOLOGIST JUTSU". An instant after the jutsu was named, he heard water start to rush behind him, and a moment later there was pain, Pain, **PAIN**.

Then, there was nothing.

Then, the nothing cleared and he found himself standing in front of the man called Kaiza whose death he had used to break the spirits of the inhabitants of Wave. Behind the fisherman who had been defiant to the last was a crowd that consisted of every last one of his dead enemies. Behind them was an even larger crowd of people who died because of his actions.

He only had enough time to think _Oh shit! _before the mob surged forward.

* * *

Sakura sat picking at her dinner unable to think of what she should make of Naruto. Before the mission started, she had believed that he had only been placed on the team because he was a total loser, and had been needed to balance out Sasuke's awesomeness. Everyone in class called him Dead Last. All of the Academy Instructors besides Umino-Sensei had called him talentless, incredibly stupid, and much worse, and she had believed them. And, at home, her mother who had told her to stay away from him had said that his mother was a clanless whore, and that his father was more than likely from Iwa considering his hair, and she had believed her.

This mission, which had been supposed to be a simple escort job had shaken every last one of her beliefs about the boy she had considered to be the team's fifth wheel. The first blow that shattered the steady foundation of belief had been learning that Naruto's family was both feared and well known outside Konoha. The second blow had been seeing Naruto defeat opponents that even Kakashi-sensei had a hard time dealing with. His methods had been rather unorthodox but, the truth was that he had taken down an entire army.

First, he had taken down Momochi Zabuza who had proven to be an excellent fighter when he wasn't running away from Naruto before Kakashi could using a Wind Jutsu with a slightly perverted sounding name. Next, he had killed Gato using a Water Jutsu that had sounded like a prank, but had turned out to have deadly and rather traumatizing results. And finally, the army of townspeople that he had convinced Inari to recruit had arrived in time to see him incapacitate an army of mercenaries using Shadow Clones and a Jutsu that she had constantly yelled at him for, calling it both useless and perverted.

In that moment, Naruto had proved that despite it being perverted, it had been far from useless.

The third blow to her beliefs had come when Kakashi-sensei had confirmed that Naruto had not been lying and that Naruto's father was indeed none other than the Fourth Hokage himself before swearing her and Sasuke to secrecy.

How could she have underestimated Naruto so completely?

Worst of all, why did their teachers treat the son of Konoha's greatest hero so badly, and why did her mother tell such vicious lies about his parents?

* * *

Toshi thought the boat that had rescued him was the most beautiful thing he'd seen in his entire life. When he was pulled aboard, he had felt like hugging and kissing the captain when the man had come to ask him and the rest of the survivors of his mercenary crew what happened.

"Gato's dead. The Hell-God got him." he replied, shuddering at the memory of what he'd seen.

It had been as if a giant fist had...and then the water had started spraying out of the man's mouth.

"Hell God?" the captain asked.

"U-Uzumaki N-Naruto. Oh gods, he looked like a little kid...and then...and then he was like all of the old stories, but worse. He took out Momochi Zabuza with a weak wind attack, then he used some prank jutsu on Gato...and...then the water...it...it...then he made like a thousand Kage Bunshin, and the next thing I remember is waking up on the boat. I-I thought he'd spared us, but...but he'd put a hole in the boat." he said, barely able to bring himself to recount what happened.

He could hear one of the other survivors crying nearby but, he couldn't bring himself to chastise the man for being such a baby. He felt like crying too. His mother used to tell him that if he was bad, an Uzumaki would come and get him. He used to laugh it off believing that the Uzumaki weren't real, that they were some sort of made up thing like the Bogeyman he'd heard about during his travels. But, he had been bad, he had been very bad, and the Uzumaki had gotten him. He had no illusions that he would have survived if the Uzumaki had not willed it.

The Uzumaki had given him a second chance and, by the gods, he was going to take it.

* * *

"You did what?" Tsunami asked, not exactly sure she believed her ears.

"I put a hole in their boat." Inari mumbled.

"Inari, you know you're not supposed to put holes in people's boats." she said, trying and failing to feel pity for the poor mercenaries who were undoubtedly drowning by now.

One thing the people of Wave knew was boats and, if someone from Wave put a hole in your boat, it was a sure bet that it would sink. Do it right, and the boat in question could get pretty far out to sea before it did so.

"I'm sorry mom." Inari said looking like a kicked puppy.

"That's okay. You'll have to go to bed without dessert tonight though." she said, trying and failing to be stern.

She knew she should be horrified since her son had committed homicide but, all she could feel was glad that those men he'd killed would never be coming back.

* * *

Sasuke sat in the room that had been provided for his team by Tazuna's family musing on his day. It had been rather unusual to say the least. Naruto, the freaking Dead Last total idiot Naruto, had defeated hundreds of mercenaries with two overpowered prank jutsu and didn't even get a scratch on him, while he had been stabbed with like a dozen senbon and failed to even hit that girly boy Haku. To make matters worse, the instant Haku had managed to render his limbs immobile, the little freak had decided to show him how to use his senbon as double pointed knitting needles for making socks, and had given him several patterns to take home with him.

It was as they were loading the mercenaries onto the boat while Haku and Sakura tended to Zabuza, who had apparently only been rendered unconscious, that he decided to believe Naruto's time-travel story. There was no other explanation for how Naruto had been so good. In order to pull something like this off, he had to have had the five extra years of training he'd claimed to have had. Considering his familiarity with Jiraiya, it was obvious that that training had most likely been with a Sannin no less.

Naruto was Itachi's age, and he had spent several years being trained by one of the strongest Ninja in the world so, there was little shame by being beaten by someone like that.

Naruto had repeatedly told him that Orochimaru was bad news, as had the man's former teammate Jiraiya. Training under the man, if he offered like Naruto believed he would, would apparently come at too high a cost.

Naruto was Itachi's age and, from the way he had spoken of Itachi, it was obvious that he had faced him in battle and survived. Naruto had been trained by a legend. There would be no shame in...

Naruto dragged himself into the room and flopped onto his futon in an undignified manner apparently too exhausted to even consider worrying about appearances.

"Naruto." he said, to catch the other boy, no, the young man's attention before he fell asleep.

"What?" Naruto groaned.

"Train me." he said.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	18. The Return Home

Naruto tried to avoid Sasuke's gaze all through his final breakfast at Tazuna's house. He'd initially been shocked when the boy had asked him to train him. The shock rapidly wore off when Sasuke wouldn't stop pestering him about training. He was still trying to decide what to do about the boy's requests. He couldn't brush Sasuke off because, then the Uchiha would become even more determined and wouldn't leave him alone for even a second. If he killed the boy, he may as well go missing-nin, because the Old Man's former teammates and that jerk Danzo would call for his head on a platter and go around the Hokage to get it done like they had done with the Uchiha. Since Sasuke hadn't done anything yet and he himself was not yet popular enough, the rest of the village would be clamoring for his blood as well.

Suddenly, as he began to fall into despair over his limited options, inspiration hit. He'd train Sasuke alright. He'd give Sasuke training that would frustrate him to no end and make the boy never ask him to teach him something ever again.

When Sasuke asked for - or demanded rather - training once again as soon as breakfast was over, he gave the boy the answer he thought he wanted but soon would come to regret if all went well.

"Sure Sasuke, I'll train you." he said grinning evilly.

"Finally." Sasuke muttered.

No "Thank You". That was just like the bastard, always feeling that he was entitled to whatever you gave him and rarely if ever giving anything in return.

"I don't know where I'm going to get an orange tracksuit in your size though." he said cheerfully.

"What is the orange tracksuit for?" Sasuke asked, taken aback.

"Stealth." he replied.

* * *

"Father, you're not seriously considering naming the bridge after..." Tsunami said upon hearing the new name for the bridge the locals had spent several years working on.

"Daughter, there are several reasons why I'm giving this bridge that name, and only one of which is because he saved your life and inspired Inari into rallying the villagers. Besides, our main competitors would be close to the sea and therefore more likely to hire shinobi from Mist for any potential demolition missions just as Gato had done, and nobody from Mist would dare attack the Great _Uzumaki_ Naruto Bridge, especially considering the fact that said person would be less than a day's travel away if half the stories I've heard about ninja are true." Tazuna replied.

"Fine. Do what you want father but, I think that boy set a very bad example for Inari and naming this bridge after him will just further encourage Inari's behavior." Tsunami said.

"Inari's behavior?" Tazuna asked wondering what his grandson had done this time, as his mischievous side had reappeared when his depression had disappeared.

"Hatake-san taught Inari a basic jutsu that apparently even civilian children could pick up with enough practice and, well...Young Naruto decided to expand on that lesson before they left. Urameshi-san is currently passed out due to severe blood loss resulting from a massive nosebleed." Tsunami said sighing.

* * *

The trip back to Konoha after that second snafu in Wave and the time leading up to the Chunin Exams that Kakashi was seriously considering not entering his team into despite Jiraiya and Tenzo's assurances that they would be able to bring Orochimaru down or at least distract him before he got to Sasuke - who he really could care less about - and possibly injure Naruto had been relatively uneventful. He would have put this year's Summer Exam firmly in the No Way In Hell category if Naruto hadn't been strongly hinting that he wanted to become a Chunin as soon as possible, and that he'd heard that the Exams were coming up soon.

For some strange reason, he found that he couldn't really bring himself to deny Naruto anything he truly had his heart set on, and quite likely that would include even this.

Tomorrow, a messenger bird will once more be circling above the village, and he would have to make his final decision about whether or not his team would be entering the upcoming Chunin Exams. Part of him said wait until Winter, while another part of him said that Naruto might not forgive him for doing so. Another element to his quandary was the fact that Orochimaru had come to the Exams for Sasuke, and if Sasuke wasn't there, Orochimaru's plans would change and the result would become unpredictable. With Sasuke in the Exams however, there was a reasonable chance of predicting what would happen because it had already happened in not only his timeline, but those of Tenzo and Jiraiya as well.

Unlike the last time around, his students' teamwork had actually improved rather than worsened and missions were being completed in record time. The only problems he really seemed to have these days were the number of times angry shinobi had delivered a tightly bound neon pink clad Uchiha Sasuke who had yet again been caught pulling some stupid prank during his off hours when he was trying to catch up on his own training, reading, or sleep. As soon as the boy was released, he would look exceedingly determined, and comment on how much he needed to improve before he left.

An incident that took place during a training session a few days before the Chunin Exams were to be announced had made him start reconsidering his opinions about the Pink Haired Extra Baggage as well. Two days ago, he had watched in surprise as Sakura dragged a woman that could only be her mother to the training field, and stopped in front of Naruto.

"Say that to his face mother." Sakura had snarled.

The woman whom he recognized as being a retired civilian-born shinobi named Mei-somethingorother remained silent, completely intimidated by her daughter who was surprisingly frightening considering the fact that she was a Genin with no real talents to write home about. This had been a rather interesting side to the Haruno girl that he'd never seen before but, come to think of it, had been catching glimpses of in the days before the team had collapsed. Usually, the girl was only aggressive towards Naruto or the other Uchiha fangirls, mainly Yamanaka's brat Ino with whom she had some sort of ongoing rivalry. After Naruto's death and Sasuke's departure, the girl had spiraled into depression and left the ninja program altogether.

"I'm waiting." Sakura said impatiently about a minute later as her mother had yet to make a noise.

The Haruno woman made a squeaking noise, and tried to pull away from her daughter. Sakura however, would have none of it.

"Either say it to his face, or never say anything like that about him or his parents ever again." Sakura said, rather forcefully holding her mother in place in front of an increasingly uncomfortable Naruto.

Naruto ended up telling Sakura to let the frightened woman go.

There was now a rumor amongst the older generations that Naruto was using some sort of mind control on his teammates to force them to do his bidding. The younger generation to which Naruto belonged were more sensible about this, especially after actually hearing from said teammates. Several children were cheering Sasuke on in his "quest to figure out how Naruto had managed to evade the ANBU while wearing bright colors" and a large number of girls were now giving Sakura's mother and several other women around the village death glares for "calling some poor orphan boy's dead mother a whore".

Thanks to the rumor that had been mostly discounted by the younger generation, he'd had to waylay any number of Chunin and Jounin who had wanted to rescue Naruto's teammates from his clutches. Quite frankly, it was getting annoying, and he just hoped that it didn't interfere with the Chunin Exams if his students were entered. Morino Ibiki was proctoring the first part and Mitarashi Anko the second, and he didn't need to be on either of their bad sides.

* * *

Iruka felt like tearing his hair out. A couple days ago, after one of the Yamanaka had practically raped his mind, a large number of shinobi had started coming to him for advice about certain disturbing rumors they had heard since he "knew the demon best".

After telling the fifteenth person that day that the reason Naruto's teammates were behaving oddly was because Sakura had heard her mother call a teammate's mother a whore amongst other horrible things one time to many and finally decided to call her on it, and because after Naruto had beaten some extremely strong ninja with a prank Sasuke had stalked him demanding training and he couldn't come up with anything better than dressing the boy in pink and setting him to pranking the village, and that Kakashi was just plain weird and possibly inappropriately attracted to Naruto, and that if they weren't there for a mission they'd better shove off, he found himself destroying his favorite coffee mug by hurling it against the far wall of the Mission Assignment Room, scaring several people in the process.

Soon enough, a sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth person came into the office not for a mission, but to ask about Naruto instead, and he found that he was rapidly running out of things on his desk to destroy.

* * *

Tenzo didn't usually drink in the middle of the day but, he was currently off duty and the person he was visiting at the moment was offering. He was rather glad that Jiraiya had gotten the necklace thing cleared up because, he had a strong feeling that his life had been on the line. If the Third Hokage hadn't killed him, the Fifth Hokage certainly would have.

Rather than tell the truth about the time travel despite the fact that the truth had been what he himself had given his captain in order to obtain leave, Jiraiya had opted to go with a story of how Tenzo had decided to win the necklace because he thought that it might give him a chance with a Tsunade who would be desperate to get it back, and upon first holding it an instinct of some sort that was most likely related to the First Hokage's unique abilities had told him that he would be able to use it to help control the demon within Naruto if it ever got out of hand, which caused all thoughts of scoring with the Sannin to fall away as he knew he had to get the necklace to Naruto immediately to keep him and the village safe. The way Jiraiya had painted him to be a hero with both Naruto's and the village's best interests in mind revealed exactly how Jiraiya had become well regarded as a storyteller despite the fact that practically everything he published was considered pornographic material.

Somehow, he had escaped the Hokage's office alive and relatively intact despite the fact that the expression on the Hokage's face seemed to indicate that he knew full well that Jiraiya's story was bullshit. Well, technically, he'd been thrown out the window by and enraged Tsunade who apparently didn't view him as an acceptable potential bed partner, but hey, he was alive.

Now, he and Jiraiya were drinking and trading stories about the Narutos they knew from their respective timelines during what was supposed to be one of the numerous planning sessions for how they would deal with Orochimaru.

* * *

In the ANBU building, there was an air of excitement. A new edition of Mist's Bingo Book had just come out, and Rabbit was going to be handing out copies. The instant the completion of those copies had been announced, a line rapidly formed outside Rabbit's office.

New Bingo Books were always fun. While it was a good way to see who the foreign shinobi considered to be Who's Who amongst the ninja of Konoha, there was the added bonus of the fact that it marked open season on teasing the newest entries about the invariably rather entertaining nickname they had just acquired.

After what seemed like forever, the door to the office opened, and one of the captains pulled rank in order to cut ahead of the line and get the first new copy for himself. Moments later, he emerged with a slim volume that he was already leafing through. When he was halfway down the hall, he suddenly stopped. His entire body spoke of the complete surprise that was currently hidden behind his mask.

"What the?...Hell God?" the captain said, before his body language shifted from shock to irritation and he snapped the book closed and stormed back into Rabbit's office.

"Where the hell is the real Bingo Book?" the captain yelled.

There was a nearly inaudible reply.

"LOOK IN THE A-CLASS ENTRIES UNDER U AND TELL ME AGAIN THAT THIS IS REAL!" the captain thundered.

There was another nearly inaudible reply moments later.

"How the hell did that brat acquire an A-Class entry on a C-Ranked mission?" the captain yelled.

With that, everyone became even more keenly interested in the new hot-off-the-presses despite there having been one published two and a half months before Bingo Book from Mist.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	19. The Big Day Arrives

Kakashi knew the bird was coming, and had known it would be for a good while but, that didn't stop the strange, almost painful feeling in his chest when he saw it. This was the beginning of the end. This was the point where it all went to hell and, thanks to the conversation he had with Jiraiya and Tenzo last night while Naruto slept, it could all go to hell once more. Gods forgive him, he was going to enter his team in the Chunin Exam. As the bird circled overhead, he dismissed his students before turning to go to the Hokage Tower. As he turned away, he could have sworn that he had seen Naruto staring up at the bird with an unusually grim look on his face.

All too soon, he was in front of the Hokage alongside the senseis of the other Genin teams and, sooner than he expected, he was nominating his team for promotion. He'd done it the first time around out of a subconscious desire to get rid of them and the painful memories they had brought with them. This time however, he was putting them forth as bait. He didn't know which was worse.

Iruka, the man who would kill anyone who intended harm to any of his students - especially Naruto - in any way, naturally spoke up against the recommendation, not believing the recently graduated team to be ready. He briefly thought about cluing Iruka in about Orochimaru to see what he would do to the man but, decided against it because Iruka would murder him first for using his precious Naruto as bait.

"They're ready." he said. "Naruto took down an A-class missing-nin, and an army of mercenaries singlehandedly. His methods were unorthodox but, still...Sasuke's teamwork has improved dramatically. The Pin...Sakura has become more assertive as well."

The rest of the teams that would be entered were soon entered, and as they were leaving Gai approached him. From the serious look on his face, he could tell that whatever it was he wanted to speak with him about, it wasn't for another challenge.

"What about the other problem?" Gai asked.

It took him a moment to realize what problem his friend and "Eternal Rival" was referring to, and remember telling Gai about his fears of history repeating itself. He'd all but forgotten that in his worries over Naruto's welfare and the impending invasion.

"I don't know. Sasuke seems to be fine with Naruto for the time being but, it could just be because the boy has something he wants. Sasuke hates being second best to anyone and, if he doesn't catch up to Naruto soon, things could spiral out of control." he replied, remembering what had happened when Naruto had managed to best Sasuke in a fight the last time around.

"What could Naruto have that he wants?" Gai asked.

"In simple terms, Power. Naruto's been able to distract him with something shiny as it were but, I don't know how long he'll stay distracted." he replied.

"So, the jumpsuit and the pranks have a purpose?" Gai said.

"Yeah, Naruto's set it as a "training exercise". Since Naruto is capable of outmaneuvering ANBU, and Itachi was an ANBU..." he replied, having decided a while back that that had to be the reason Sasuke would be willing to go through such humiliation.

The boy was driven by revenge and would do just about anything to get it.

"I never could figure out how Umino Iruka could catch that boy when he was capable of evading even me." Gai mused, apparently remembering one of the more recent searches for Naruto, probably the one with Mizuki and the scroll.

"It's because Naruto trusts him. That, and Iruka used to be a prankster himself, so he knows where all the best hiding spots that only a kid can fit inside are." he explained.

It was that, and the fact that Iruka seemed to be the only one who was able to accurately profile Naruto despite the boy's rather unpredictable nature.

* * *

"So?" Asuma and Kurenai asked when Gai caught up to them after his brief conversation with Kakashi.

"There is still the possibility of danger. The Uzumaki boy has rather masterfully distracted his teammate but, Kakashi believes it is only a matter of time before the boy grows bored with the distraction and does something." he replied.

That was, after all what he had gathered from the conversation. Over the past few months, he had seen enough of the Uchiha boy to know that there was a reason to worry, and both of his fellow Jounin who were teaching Sasuke's former classmates had also seen reason to worry based on what they had witnessed in regards to the Uchiha.

"So, the Uchiha boy's sudden rash of pranks..." Asuma started.

"Was the Uzumaki's idea for using up all of the Uchiha boy's spare time and energy. Since the Uzumaki had successfully demonstrated that "pranks" could be used to one's advantage on the battlefield, the Uchiha seems to have taken his "training" at face value." Gai concluded.

"Damn, that kid's brilliant. I wish he were mine." Kurenai said.

"I wonder if Kakashi would be willing to trade him for Ino." Asuma said.

"I too find myself regretting that the boy failed the graduation exam that second time." Gai admitted.

Naruto would have fit in nicely with Lee. Both boys would have quite likely driven each other to new heights and, the boy's unorthodox strategic style could have fit in nicely with his, Lee's and Tenten's fighting styles. It's a pity that there weren't any Genin teams with four Genin because, he could easily see the Uzumaki boy's cheerful nature finally cracking through Neji's depression as well. How he'd seen that exceedingly valuable asset as the demon that had resided within him for so long, he didn't know.

* * *

Sasuke smirked slightly as he prepared the bag of brightly colored arts and crafts feathers and the corn syrup. That weekly fangirl meeting wouldn't know what hit it. He was nowhere near Naruto's level when it came to evading other Ninja but, he had improved drastically. Last week he had failed to outrun the group of experienced Chunin that he had managed to completely elude yesterday. If his progress continued, he might find himself outrunning Jonin in a matter of weeks or a couple of months.

As a bonus of this training, he'd found himself becoming so exhausted that he hadn't dreamed when he'd fallen asleep on a couple occasions. The pranks themselves were somewhat...liberating as well. He could see why Naruto would enjoy pulling them. The planning and strategy for the pranks he had seen as exceedingly childish before he himself had started executing them was far more difficult than he had anticipated. The preparation for each prank was like planning out and properly executing a mission. Fail to pull it off correctly, and...

Naruto's eraser in the door trick that always failed to get any of the teachers after the first one when they were about six was like a basic Academy assignment. Painting the Hokage Monument like he had shortly before their graduation was pretty much on par with an A or S rank mission, especially considering the fact that Naruto had successfully managed to bypass every last evening and night patrol, haul the paint up the side of a mountain and deface the monument without anyone noticing until the sun rose the next morning.

How the hell could he ever have thought that Naruto was Dead Last even when he was his own age?

* * *

It's funny how the old adage "The more thing's change, the more they stay the same." can be true at times. Naruto thought as he skidded around a corner only to find Konohamaru caught in Kankuro's grip.

It had to be the most ironic thing that after spending half the morning searching for the Sand Siblings, Sakura once again managed to chase him and Konohamaru right into them. This time however, the feather covered Sakura had been pissed because she had been caught in one of Sasuke's "training" pranks, and had decided to blame him for encouraging the boy. He had learned of this when he'd stopped the Konohamaru Corps and their square rock in the middle of what was to become Sakura's warpath to tell them that the game of ninja was postponed because he was looking for someone.

He enjoyed playing ninja with Konohamaru during his downtime because it was a rather nice form of stress relief, and he got to teach the boy skills he could use later in life to become a Super Awesome Ninja like he had been later on. Take that Ebisu! Right now however, he was trying to figure out the best way to get Kankuro to drop Konohamaru without sparking an unpleasant confrontation.

This time, he was grateful for Sasuke's intervention, as it resolved his dilemma over how he was going to make friends with Kankuro after he hit him for manhandling his apprentice. Since what hit Kankuro's hand was a needle with the beginnings of a scarf on it rather than a rock, he knew that the boy had taken Haku's free senbon lesson to heart.

Rather than "fangirling" over Sasuke this time, Sakura was yelling at him for ruining her hair and her outfit, using just about every swearword in the book which was something she never ever would have done before. From the dropped jaws of the two Sand Genin, he was guessing that a few of those words and phrases were new to them. Either that, or they'd just taken in the entirety of his team, with him being the normal looking one for once.

It was at that point that Gaara decided to show up and start correcting the behavior of his siblings via the use of several death threats.

"Get moving or I'll..." Gaara said before he fainted and dropped out of the tree in which he'd been hiding behind Sasuke.

* * *

In another timeline the Godaime Kazekage sat in the Rokudaime Hokage's anteroom waiting for him to complete his business for the day so they could have a proper visit complete with drinks and some childish board game that his constituents would be scandalized to discover him playing. Fortunately, Naruto had given him a puzzle of sorts to stave off his boredom.

Actually, what he'd been given was an incomplete seal that Naruto had found in a storage room, wanted him to tell him what it was and what it did since he was better at them but, for all intents and purposes it may as well have been a crossword puzzle for him to solve while he waited. In order to figure out what it was for, he would have to complete the seal, which was something Naruto didn't have the patience or the spare time for at the moment. After three hours, it was done. Or at least he thought it was, since he based the pattern off of the rest of the seal and could have missed something somewhere. All that remained was to put a little Chakra into it to get a basic idea of what it did and hope it didn't blow up in his face.

As he put a small amount of Chakra into the seal, he smiled as he remembered the day he had met Naruto, back when they both had been so young and didn't have so many responsibilities to deal with. Suddenly, the small pull on his Chakra became a sharp tug, and he found it rapidly draining out into the seal. He tried to stop the flow, but he found himself unable to do so.

The world went black.

Moments later, he awoke with a massive headache, a headache that rivaled the one he'd suffered through after Kankuro had insisted he take Naruto out for drinks to celebrate his ascension to Hokage and they somehow ended up going on a week-long pub crawl across Fire Country.

When he opened his eyes, he knew he had to be hallucinating since, standing over him were his brother and sister looking exactly as they had when they were fifteen and fourteen respectively. Nearby were a twelve year old Naruto who was wearing something he'd never seen on him either as a boy or a man, a possibly thirteen year old Sasuke in a neon Pink tracksuit with purple shoulders and purple sandals, and a thirteen year old long-haired Sakura who was covered in feathers and what smelled like corn syrup.

A familiar roiling in his gut heralded the presence of Shukaku whom he hadn't had to deal with for many years.

The world went black again.

**Edited 11-3-12.**


	20. First Phase

Baki was sitting at the desk that had been provided in the quarters that had been set aside for visiting shinobi, trying to compose a message to send home. Tomorrow morning, the first phase of the Chunin exams would begin and he was seriously considering not allowing his team to enter even though it was a vital component for the invasion plan. Temari and Kankuro were rather freaked out at the moment and were too on edge to do any good, and frankly so was he. Gaara had been acting exceedingly strangely since they had arrived in Konoha a few days ago.

On the first day of their stay, Gaara had seemed to be constantly trying to dispel a Genjutsu. He had observed the boy disrupting his Chakra several times, and had actually seen him stab himself twice. That of course had been only the beginning of Gaara's odd behavior.

Since his mysterious collapse shortly after their arrival in Konoha, Gaara had behaved in an uncharacteristically kindly manner towards his siblings, and hadn't threatened them even once. Even more disturbing was the fact that the boy was even being nice to him and actually coming to him for advice. There was also the fact that he spent virtually all of his free time with a blond Genin who was native to the area. Then, there was the fact that he had started "speaking" with and referring to the Ichibi in a less than loving manner, and had started calling the demon "Damn Raccoon" and "Stupid Raccoon" instead of "Mother".

It had taken him a while to realize that it was Shukaku that he'd been referring to, and he probably wouldn't have, and continued believing the boy had picked up a pet somewhere if it hadn't been for the incident two nights after their arrival...

_Gaara was sitting up late as usual. Instead of sitting there staring at the walls as was customary for the boy when he thought he was being observed as he tended to hide his usual nocturnal activities from witnesses, he was...drinking?_

_He'd gone down to check on the boy to make sure he hadn't gotten into any mischief as he'd been wont to do on occasion when he'd been turned loose without supervision, and found the child who was surrounded by several empty liquor bottles downing a bottle of some potent grain alcohol from Grass._

_"I'm going to kill that fucking raccoon!" Gaara yelled as he hurled the now empty bottle at the opposite wall. "Can't sleep...Can't get drunk...Now I know why it took a whole week before Naruto..."_

If the boy hadn't been a jinchuriki and therefore incapable of suffering the effects of alcohol poisoning much less intoxication, he would have been more worried about the fact that the boy had been drinking especially considering the medication he was on and the exceedingly heavy doses of it he had to take daily.

Last night had pretty much been the final straw though...

_Gaara had apparently grown tired of staring at the walls and, instead of finding some quiet activity to occupy himself with like he usually did, had gone outside. He nearly had a panic attack when he discovered the boy was gone, fearing the sort of mischief the boy could get into and the type of incident it would cause. Hoping and praying that the boy wouldn't decide to kill him rather than comply, he went out after him in order to bring him back, ._

_It took a while for him to find Gaara but, he eventually located him atop the Hokage Monument where he was seated on the Fourth Hokage's head next to the blond boy he had taken to spending time with._

_"...nice to hear about a world where things went right for a change. When Ero-Sennin and Yamato-taicho think that I'm not listening they talk about where things went wrong for them, and I'm starting to think that Kakashi-sensei might have...I can't wait for the Chunin Exams to start so I can help get rid of Orichimaru so things'll be better." the blond boy said._

_"You know, for a while, there had been a running joke amongst certain circles that you would have to reach Kage level before you made Chunin." Gaara said._

_"And?" the blond boy asked._

_"You should have seen the looks on everyone's faces when the Rokudaime Hokage entered himself into the Chunin exams." Gaara replied laughing._

_"That's not funny." the blond said, playfully shoving Gaara._

_Gaara's mood suddenly shifted. That in itself wasn't so unusual but, the moods he'd shifted from and to were. Gaara's moods usually went from blank calm to bloodlust. This time however, he'd gone from nostalgia to melancholy. _

_"How did you forgive them?" Gaara asked in an almost contemplative manner._

_"Forgive who?" the blond boy asked._

_"Your parents." Gaara replied._

_"I'm not sure that I have entirely. I understand what needed to be done, and I accept that. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices for your village. My father wasn't the sort who would ask someone else to do something he himself was unwilling to do. Your situation was different though. I can almost understand why you hated him. I think he was already dead before you arrived, so it isn't your fault for not saving him." the blond boy replied._

_"Can I help you when you try to take down Orochimaru?" Gaara asked._

_"Sure. We'll need all the help we can get. That guy's one tricky bastard." the blond boy said._

_That seemed to end the conversation because the two boys sat there silently before Gaara eventually got up and headed back to their quarters._

There was something seriously wrong with Gaara, and there was a strong possibility that it would put him, his team, and the plan in danger, especially considering the fact that he planned on killing Suna's new ally.

* * *

Gaara didn't feel the least bit guilty for destroying the message Baki sent home. Baki was a good man and an excellent advisor but, in this instance, he was misguided. He would do what he had to for the good of his village and, he couldn't do that if people who didn't know what was going on were interfering.

Taking out a brush and some ink, he very carefully forged a response that he would send to Baki at the appropriate time so he wouldn't realize that the message hadn't been received until it was far too late to do anything about it.

* * *

Kankuro shuddered as he stared at his brother who stood around looking as if he were waiting for someone, completely ignoring the crowd of Genin that completely surrounded him. He knew that Gaara's nice behavior was too good to last and, that morning, when Baki had said that he was going to withdraw them from the exams, Gaara had flipped. He was still amazed that Baki wasn't dead.

Gaara had gotten his way in the end, and now, they were nervously waiting for the exam to start.

There was one good thing about this though, Gaara would need them until the end of the second phase and wouldn't be able to kill them until then.

* * *

Naruto growled when that asshole Kabuto approached the rookie Genin. Now that he wasn't overwhelmed by the experience of being in the Chunin Exams, he was beginning to notice things that had gotten by him before. One of those things was the way Kabuto smelled.

Now he knew why he'd liked Kabuto the last time, why he had been so willing to trust the more experienced boy who was offering his help without questioning his motives and wondering about the little inconsistencies that were bothering him now. The bastard had soaked his clothes in ramen.

To anyone else, it would seem as if he'd just spilled his breakfast like the clumsy moron he was, then allowed it to dry because he didn't have time to change into anything else. To him however, ramen meant comfort, ramen meant safety, ramen meant happiness. Ramen had been given to him by people who liked him, people that he treasured. The memories brought up by the scent would bypass any instincts that screamed that the spy wasn't to be trusted, and instantly place the young man in his "like" category.

Now that he knew what a complete and utter bastard that Kabuto was however, he would not be falling for that trick a second time.

All too soon, Kabuto was showing the trusting little brats who'd gathered round him those cards. Now that he thought about them, they were one hell of an inconsistency, one that he should have noticed even back when he himself was a clueless moron.

"What about Naruto?" Kiba asked Orochimaru's spy.

"What the?" Kabuto said when he looked at the card. "According to this, Naruto has somehow acquired an A-class listing in the Mist Bingo Book under the name Hell-God Uzumaki and is rumored to have defeated Swordsman of the Mist Momochi Zabuza in combat despite the fact that he has only gone on 7 D-rank missions and 1 C-rank mission."

"About that C-rank, the Old Man was being cheap and didn't want to shell out A-rank pay. Apparently, if you sign up for a C-rank and it turns into an A-rank, you get paid for the mission you signed up for." he said, clarifying the information for the other rookies. "The reason I defeated Zabuza was because I used a Wind Stripper Attack Jutsu on him while he was distracted."

If his former classmates knew he wasn't an easy target, they wouldn't go after his team, and therefore they wouldn't get in his way when he took care of the Sound "Genin" who had accompanied Orochimaru in the Forest of Death.

"Wind Stripper Attack? You killed the Devil of the Bloody Mist with a prank jutsu?!" Kabuto said, looking as if someone had pulled a giant halibut out of nowhere and hit him with it.

"Nah, he's still alive. Poor guy was a bloody mess because all the stuff the wind picked up on the way, but he survived. He was even real nice about it when I apologized later. He was just happy that he was free from that stupid contract he'd been tricked into, since I killed Gato with that Water Proctologist Jutsu." he said cheerfully.

"Wa-wa-wa." Kabuto said looking even more stunned.

"Who's Gato?" Kiba asked Shino who was apparently the brains of Team 8.

"He was a billionaire shipping magnate who was rumored to be able to call up an army of mercenaries to crush his competition." Shino replied stunning the rest of the group who'd never heard the quiet boy string so many words together at once.

"What happened to the army of mercenaries?" Kiba asked, looking put out for some strange reason.

"Knocked them out with a Harem Jutsu." he replied.

"Where was Sasuke-kun in all of this?" Ino asked.

"After Haku got him calmed down and convinced that Zabuza wasn't really trying to kill Kakashi-sensei, he showed him how to knit socks with senbon. That's a really useful skill to have. I wish I'd had the patience to sit down and learn it myself." he replied.

At this point, Kabuto was starting to look as if he'd just been thrown into a universe where up was purple, and the conversation went on around him as if he wasn't there. Eventually, Ibiki arrived marking the opening of the first phase of the Chunin Exams.

* * *

Kakashi sat on pins and needles as he waited for the first phase of the exams to finish. Soon, he, Jiraiya, and Tenzo would be in the forest hunting down Orochimaru and hopefully crippling him before he could harm his team and put that seal on Naruto and that other seal on Sasuke. For now however, he would have to sit with his fellow Jounin Instructors awaiting news on how the first phase had progressed. Things had to appear to progress normally and seem as if they had gone into the forest after having discovered the Grass Genin so Orochimaru wouldn't change his invasion plans if they failed to bring him down.

* * *

Tenzo watched as Jiraiya prepared a variety of sealing inks and put a special knife used for certain blood seals in a place he could get at it quickly. He'd prepared his own weapons the night before and had double and triple checked them that morning. In a few short hours they would be going head to head with Orochimaru and it was questionable as to whether or not they would survive. Neither of them were quite certain what Sasuke had done to defeat Orochimaru and, as Jiraiya's timeline revealed, Sasuke's method probably had only a 50/50 chance of succeeding, if that.

Funny. He thought he quit biting his nails when he was a kid.

**Edited 11-3-12.**


	21. The Passing of Yakushi Kabuto

Morino Ibiki barely suppressed a sigh as he looked over this year's crop of Genin. What had he been on when he agreed to proctor this exam? Oh, right, he'd stayed awake for 96 hours straight and had been barely functioning on soldier pills and copious amounts of caffeine when the Hokage had sent his request.

Konoha's paltry offering for the first time it hosted the Chunin Exams in the more desirable Summer slot in nearly a decade had a high point in the arrival of the second Ino Shika Cho team whose fathers he'd worked with extensively but, mostly seemed to consist of whatever had been scraped from the bottom of the barrel this year. Not only was the boy labeled as the one "Most likely to become a career Genin" here but, so was the potentially homicidal and quite possibly insane Uchiha Sasuke, and the Fox Brat.

Thinking about the Fox Brat sent a phantom pain shooting down a particular set of scars on his arms. The two times he had encountered the boy, he had come off the worse. The first time had been when he was beginning his stint in Intelligence and, as a most junior member, had been the one sent to retrieve the stuffed duck that the spymaster Jiraiya had sent to his "Godson". It had only been after he'd gotten his arms shredded nearly to the bone retrieving the stuffed animal, that it was discovered that Naruto really was Jiraiya's godson, and that the item in question had indeed been a gift for the boy's second birthday, not a coded message. The second time he'd encountered the boy had been four years later after he'd passed out after a rather difficult interrogation. He'd woken up to the snickering of several run of the mill ANBU, and the sight of a small child whose hand was holding a permanent marker a couple inches away from his face. It had taken him the last six years to regain his fearsome reputation amongst those in his department after that bit of humiliation. The gods only knew what this encounter would bring.

Carefully schooling his body language so that none of his unease at the situation and one being in particular showed, he started the first phase of the Chunin Exams. Fortunately, all of those little teen-aged brats and the scattering of adults who really didn't know when to quit seemed to be sufficiently intimidated by his act. Everyone but the Fox Brat that was. Figures.

* * *

Naruto had intellectually known that, with all of the changes that had been made to the timeline, the seating arrangements that were left to chance most likely wouldn't turn out the same as they had the last time around. Still, he had been half expecting to be seated next to his friend Hinata as he had been the first time he had taken this test. Despite his hopes however, that didn't come to pass. Instead, he had found himself in a completely different section of the room between a twitchy fellow and someone whose face he'd never forget as long as he lived considering the fact that he'd seen it be ripped off to reveal a completely different one underneath tomorrow.

Being seated between a nin from Mist who kept shooting him nervous glances, and someone who was either incredibly feminine or a slightly masculine Kunoichi from Grass who may or may not be Orochimaru in disguise depending on whether the original entrant had been killed before the first or second phase of the Exams had not been his idea of fun. This time however, he knew the answers to several of the questions and wasn't sweating bullets over the possibility of failing. As he knew what was going on and therefore wasn't as worried, he was beginning to notice things he had been too overwhelmed to notice the time before, such as the fact that Ibiki was slightly unsettled for some reason, one of the ringers seated amongst the Genin was nursing a hangover, and one of the examiners either had a case of hemorrhoids or an injury to his backside.

Putting those thoughts aside, he turned back to his test and started writing down the answers to the questions he knew he could answer without resorting to cheating. He had been in the middle of answering the second question when the Mist Genin poked him in the arm with a needle of some sort.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" he asked as he snatched the needle away and chucked it in a seemingly random direction, hiding a smirk as it hit Kabuto as he intended.

He had absolutely no idea what was on the damn thing but, considering who had stuck him with it and why they would do such a thing, he had a feeling that it was lethal under normal circumstances. Even though he knew it was wrong of him, just as flinging the needle at Kabuto could be considered wrong despite the fact that Kabuto could technically be considered an enemy combatant, he found himself hoping that Kabuto suffered a bit before the end. The last time around Kabuto, like Mizuki, had shown him kindness in order to gain his trust for the express purpose of exploiting it and this time around Kabuto had, despite being foiled, shown all evidence of intending to do the same.

It was while he was answering question seven that he started feeling queasy indicating that whatever poison had been on that needle the foolishly brave Mist Ninja had stabbed him with had been a nasty one. By question nine, which was thirty minutes into the test, the urge to vomit had become uncontrollable. Remembering that Kankuro had been allowed to use the restroom and that he could do the same, he raised his hand.

"What do you want?" Ibiki said in a rather bored tone as one of the proctors went over to check on Kabuto who had made a strange gurgling noise and fallen over.

"I need to go to the bathroom." he said, as his mouth began to fill with saliva, indicating that he was going to vomit sometime in the next few seconds.

"You should have thought about that earlier brat. Now sit there and hold it." Ibiki said.

"But I.." he started before he leaned over and puked in what was probably Orochimaru's lap.

"Sorry man." he said by way of apology before looking down at the mess and muttering "Puking up Ichiraku's has got to be sacrilege or something.".

* * *

Gaara sighed as he started on his written test half a second after the proctor had told them to begin. He hated paperwork in all of its myriad forms, including that of the exam or the pop quiz. Considering how easy the questions were to him now, he wasn't even going to bother to cheat. However, he was half tempted to cover his test with his body to prevent that loudmouth Inuzuka he was seated next to from cheating off of him, as he was rather ineptly trying to do. But, the boy was one of Naruto's friends, and because he was one of Naruto's friends, allowances should be given. Once the boy realized the examiners were onto him, he would pick another method momentarily anyways.

Considering Naruto's reaction to those he'd been assigned to sit next to when his friend had first sat down, it was quite possible that the boy who was and wasn't the Hokage he knew had faced either one or both of those seated next to him in battle in his future. The way he leaned away from the Grass shinobi indicated that it was quite likely her or possibly him - it looked like a her, but sometimes you just can't tell without getting a much closer look - and that the battle had not been a fond memory. There had quite likely been killing involved rather than a miraculous redemption of the enemy if Naruto's expression was any indication.

As he observed the actions of his friend and his friends seatmates, he was briefly puzzled by the Mist Genin's reaction to Naruto, considering the fact that the shinobi from Mist hadn't shown him anywhere near that much respect until after he had become Hokage. Then, he remembered that this Naruto had somehow changed the timeline and had gotten quite a fearsome reputation and the odd moniker of Hell God while doing practically Fuck All to earn it. After a few minutes, the Mist Genin eventually drew on a well of courage and made his move. A second later, a small needle whizzed past his ear before sticking itself into Orochimaru's lackey Kabuto who quite likely made a fatal mistake in not dodging it in order to maintain his Loser Genin persona. Had the needle missed Kabuto, it would have harmlessly embedded itself into the table behind him. And, if what was on the needle was what Gaara suspected it was, Naruto's reputation would be receiving a boost and Kabuto would be dead rather shortly.

He had finished the ninth question and had been doodling on the back of the exam paper when he heard the gurgle and thud that marked the passing of one Yakushi Kabuto. This was soon followed by Naruto puking on one of his seatmates. Based on the fact that it was the Grass Genin rather than the person who had attempted to poison him, he had a feeling that Naruto really disliked the woman? for some reason. Deciding to solve that mystery later, he turned his attention to the front of the room and began his wait for the "Tenth Question".

Based on the fact that two of the proctors were now dragging a corpse out of the room, it was quite possible that there would be a delay that would make the wait longer than the fifteen minutes it was supposed to be until the "question" was "asked".

* * *

Ibiki groaned. Trust the Fox Brat to cause problems for him without even trying. It was quite obvious that the boy his fellow examiners were dragging out was dead. Now came the decision of what to do about it and who to dismiss. The Genin from Mist and his team was an obvious choice since it had been his needle and, one of the things he'd stated at the beginning before the tests had even been handed out was that there would be no killing during this test unless he gave leave to do so, which he hadn't. But, the question was should he dismiss the Fox Brat's team as well?

The Yakushi boy's death had appeared to have been an accident, and partially the boy's own fault too since, if the teen had dodged, he would have been digging a poisoned needle out of the table behind him after the test rather than watching the boy's corpse be dragged from the room. But, he'd seen that little grin Naruto had tried to hide when the needle had hit Kabuto and, it was quite possible that others had seen it as well, placing the accidental nature of Kabuto's death and therefore whether or not any rules had been broken on Naruto's part as well under question.

Under normal circumstances, he would have immediately dismissed the boy and ordered that he be brought in for interrogation into why he had thought it funny to kill a fellow shinobi from his own village. This case was different however, as Jiraiya had recommended that the "Career Genin" Yakushi Kabuto be discreetly placed on a list of individuals that needed watching due to suspicion of espionage a few months ago, making this something other than normal circumstances, especially considering the fact that, after careful surveillance, it would appear that Jiraiya's suspicions had panned out, and that Naruto had quite likely just done the village a service.

By all rights, he should be dismissing the boy and his team for "accidentally" killing one of his own anyways but, failing a student for taking out a spy seemed a little...Thus the headache.

"Twelve is dismissed." he said when Kabuto's body had finally left followed by the boy's surviving teammates. "Thirteen, you and your teammates may remain though, I must tell you that if you aren't more careful in the future, you won't make it past Chunin if by some miracle you pass this test, or Genin if you don't. May young Kabuto's death be a reminder to you all that if you are in a crowded area and someone pokes or stabs you with something that may be poisonous, it is not a good idea to grab it and throw it in a random direction. There is a good chance that you could hit one of your friends or allies as Uzumaki Naruto did earlier."

Despite the questioning glances he'd received from the other examiners over his decision, the test continued as scheduled. If the first headache Naruto had caused that hour wasn't bad enough however, he ended up causing another one less than fifteen minutes later when he decided to inspire the other Genin during the "tenth question", meaning that seventy-two Genin were left in the room at the time of his little speech. This of course would be causing another blow to his fearsome reputation as there should have only been 48 or less of the brats left in the room when Anko arrived. While he tried to put a cheerful face on whole mess, internally he was feeling a serious need for a drink and maybe some painkillers for the massive headache that had formed as a result of the Uzumaki's actions today. It would seem that the score as it currently stood was Fox Brat 3, Ibiki 0.

**Edited 11-3-12**


	22. Into the Forest

Outside of Training Ground 44 aka The Forest of Death, Naruto was impatiently waiting for the second phase of the Exams and all that came with it to begin, which meant that rather than trying to cover his extreme nervousness and uncertainty about what the future held with an overly sassy attitude like he had the last time, since he already knew what was coming, he was testing exactly how high he could jump. Well, actually, what he'd been doing was hopping up and down in place, and jumping progressively higher with each hop.

People finally started noticing what he was doing when he was directly overhead, and were now taking bets on whether or not he'd make it to fifty feet. When he finally reached fifty feet, there was a chorus of cheers and groans beneath him, and he could see a large amount of money changing hands on the way down, and not only between the Genin. He could probably make it to a hundred feet if he were so inclined but, landing wasn't his specialty, and if he did so at a straight drop like he usually did rather than trying to manipulate wind currents in order to let himself down gently like he was supposed to when falling from such a height, he'd end up breaking both of his legs, which meant spending a painful night in the hospital and disqualifying his team, which Sasuke probably wouldn't forgive him for, even though he knew that Orochimaru was more than likely in the forest waiting to molest him.

Finally, after nearly an hour of watching Anko have fun scaring the daylights out of the kiddies, it was time to get his team's scroll and line up at the gate. There were 26 teams just like there had been the last time around, though Kabuto's team hadn't made it and an extra team from Mist who had quit shortly before Ibiki had finally decided to finish torturing the Genin over the "Tenth Question" had thanks to his slightly early intervention. Knowing the purpose of the test and the Tenth Question as he had taken this exact exam before, he hadn't needed to mouth off to Ibiki so Sakura wouldn't be inclined to try quitting for his sake as she had once admitted to doing, as he had made his team aware of the nature of both before the test started. He had mouthed off to Ibiki merely for old time's sake. Both his and Gaara's.

Apparently, his little outbursts had been just about the only non-homicidal entertainment that Gaara had gotten during the exams the last time around, and the reason Gaara had been so bloodthirsty the last time had partially been because he had been going completely mad with boredom. When a person couldn't sleep, there were alot of empty hours to fill and only so many activities one could engage in to fill them with.

Since there was a rather distinct lack of anything resembling a desert in the area surrounding Konoha, Gaara's favorite hobby, which was Sand Surfing, had been out. Most of Gaara's other smaller hobbies had been out as well either because of this lack of desert terrain or a lack of interest on the part of Konoha's citizens who generally had different hobbies that weren't influenced by a desert environment. Gaara had tried to find other activities to engage in during this period but, they hadn't really worked out. He had quit the Macrame club because he got tired of the other members staring at him suspiciously since he was both the only male member of the group, and the only member under thirty, and he hadn't signed up for any other arts and crafts classes because they had either already started before he got here or were more than a month long, and therefore would have been a waste of money.

This time, when it came time to enter the forest, Gaara and his siblings - or "Team SuperAwesomeGo!" as Kankuro had named them before they had left Suna for the Exams - had taken the gate next to them since they would be meeting in the forest and teaming up together as soon as they were given leave to enter. As both teams watched, other teams filed towards their respective gates and, all too soon, it was time, and his team was running through the forest towards a spot that was almost precisely between the two gates. Gaara's team arrived a moment after his did, with Kankuro and Temari nervously questioning Gaara as they did so.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Naruto said, well aware of the possible meanings of that particular statement.

The looks on Sasuke and Sakura's faces when he said this as well as Gaara's older siblings' reactions to this statement were absolutely priceless.

"Okay." Gaara replied, stunning Kankuro and Temari.

On a count of three, they both pulled out the scrolls that they each had insisted on carrying when they were being handed out. Both of them were Heaven. Good, then there wouldn't be any problems with teaming up.

With the showing of the scrolls taken care of, he turned to his teammates and asked "So, what did you think I meant when I said that?". The choking coming from Kankuro and the embarrassed sputtering from Sakura, and Temari was all the answer he needed.

With the embarrassment of their teammates out of the way, it was now time to get a plan in place before they went their separate ways and found places to settle in and wait for Orochimaru to join the show. It was sure to be one hell of a show, considering the fact that Jiraya, Kakashi-sensei, and Tenzo would be showing up almost immediately after the Sannin arrived since they knew approximately where he'd be. He'd made sure that they had taken the same gate as last time so the search area would be narrowed, since he hadn't known Orochimaru's exact location when he'd attacked them the last time around.

* * *

While Naruto had been taking the First phase of the Exams and getting a start on the Second, Tenzo had been waiting impatiently for the news that would inform him that it was time to "Get the show on the road" as his captain after Kakashi used to say. After reading through the entire newspaper and draining half the pot of coffee in the ANBU breakroom where the ANBU who'd taken over most of the KMPF's duties after the Massacre usually hung out, the call came in reporting the presence of a corpse in an isolated area that was popular amongst young couples. Upon hearing this, he was out the door and on his way to the aforementioned site before the Sports section had even hit the ground.

When he got to the place where the body had been found and joined the investigating team, all he could think was _Damn, wrong body_. This was the homicide case that had gone unsolved because of the invasion. He remembered seeing a story about it once since it had been particularly notable for how gruesome the killing had been and had been front page news for a couple of days before getting shifted in favor of the results of the Second Phase of the Chunin Exams.

He would have liked to help catch the killer this time around but unfortunately, he had more important things to do. With an S-class Missing Nin on the loose and an Invasion in the works, things like possible serial killers who oddly enough seem to vanish after the Invasion get put on the back burner.

He would do what he could for the poor woman and stay and help until the report of the correct body came in though.

* * *

Anko sighed as she finished off the last of the dango she had bought for her break. Since she had been forced to spend time dealing with a bunch of brats, she had earned it. After finishing Konoha emblem that she'd made by tossing dango sticks into the trunk of a nearby tree, she got up to go. After dropping to the ground from her reasonably comfortable perch, she decided that she may as well make her way to the tower in the middle of the forest, even though she wouldn't really need to be there until maybe tomorrow morning at the earliest. The previous record for the trip through the forest was about a day, and that had been made more than two decades ago.

As she was turning towards the forest, someone ran up to tell her she was needed elsewhere. Apparently, despite the fact that it wasn't located inside the "Forest of Death", there was a problem that was within her jurisdiction as a proctor of the Chunin Exams that had cropped up. When she reached the isolated area that was only just within the boundaries of the village where the group that had summoned her was located, it had been to learn that somebody had found the dead body of someone that she had vaguely remembered seeing amongst the teams of Chunin hopefuls that had headed into the Forest of Death earlier. One of the most notable things about the corpse that had been found was that the face had apparently been removed, and she knew exactly how that had happened since she had seen something like that before.

It would seem that her former teacher had returned.

As she was examining the corpse further clues, Jiraiya, Kakashi, and an ANBU she barely recognized since they were in different departments and he'd never shown up to the same social activities she had showed up. Based on the fact that the ANBU wasn't wearing his mask at the moment, it would seem that he wasn't here on official business.

"Well, he's in the forest then." Jiraiya said as he looked down at the corpse of the Genin from Grass.

"Time to go then." Kakashi said.

"Go where?" she asked, somewhat curious as to why Kakashi was there.

She could understand Jiraiya's presence, as Jiraiya had been a teammate of her former master and, she could somewhat understand the ANBU's presence since he would be reporting directly to the Hokage but, she couldn't see why Kakashi would be there.

"Into the forest to deal with Orochimaru." The ANBU said.

"Hatake, if you go into the forest, your team will be disqualified." she said, regretting that stupid rule.

She would be happy to get backup when dealing with Orochimaru, especially backup like the Legendary Jiraiya and Kakashi the Copy Ninja and the ANBU she vaguely recalled did something with trees that niggled a part of her memory for some reason but, if Kakashi went into the forest, his students would be disqualified even if they managed to gather both scrolls, and she would be forced to inform the brats of this fact when they reached the tower. Which meant that she would be forced to listen to their whining. Kakashi's help would have been appreciated in any other situation but not now, because of the headache that would come with it. While she enjoyed fights and blood, and the tears of her enemies, she did not like the tears of crying brats.

"WHAT?" Kakashi yelled.

* * *

After Anko's little revelation, Kakashi briefly debated with himself over the fact that his students would be disqualified if he entered the forest but, when you've got a team that wouldn't pass anyways on one hand and Orochimaru on the other, it was no contest. The kids could always take the exams again in six months. With his mind long since made up, he sailed through the trees in the area that his team had been in the last time around, as he'd been informed that his team had taken the same gate as they had the time before. It was only a matter of time before Orochimaru made his move, and he and the rest would be there waiting for him.

Jiraiya would be approaching the area at a different angle, as would Tenzo and Mitarashi Anko in case Orochimaru was in a slightly different section of the forest than the one he believed he would be. He'd heard the story of what happened from his team the last time around, and knew what to look for if he failed to reach his team in time. The instant there was a Wind Release: Great Breakthrough, he'd know exactly where to go, as that had been the Jutsu that Orochimaru had used to separate the team before he sent in the giant snake that he'd had eat Naruto.

For now though, he would track his students, and hope that he got there before Orochimaru made his move.

* * *

Jiraiya's heart pounded. The last time around, he'd arrived too late to deal with Orochimaru at this point, as he'd only shown up to help after he'd heard the rumors of his former best friend and teammate being in Konoha that had been spread after his former friend had attacked Team 7 in the Forest of Death despite the fact that he'd been fielding rumors about what Orochimaru had been up to for several months before then. It had also been at that point that he had finally decided to train Naruto as well, rather than avoid the boy and the memories that came with him.

The evening of the end of the Second Phase of the exam, he'd visited Kakashi who had stepped aside for him and helped arrange the surprise. Kakashi had convinced someone he'd vaguely recognized as having been on the same Genin team as Maito Gai to take Naruto for the day, and convinced Naruto that he was pawning him off on the man for the month. All that had been left for him to do was get the man out of the way in a manner that had made the boy want him to train him. After all, who wouldn't want to be trained by someone who could summon toads? Toads are awesome!

That peace back then, and the happiness that he'd had with his student had all been shattered by Orochimaru who had become a mad and twisted creature that was almost nothing like the quiet boy he'd grown up with and fought alongside. Every time he saw him however, he found himself overcome by memories of what his teammate had been. He'd never really wanted to fight Orochimaru back then when he'd first run, and even now a part of him still didn't want to fight his former comrade despite all that he'd done and would do if given half a chance. There had been a time when each was all the other had, a time when the team was the only people that those in it had left because their parents had gone, their siblings had gone, and almost all of those closest to them besides their other teammates had gone. Now, he would have to fight the one who had been closer to him than a brother, Orochimaru was now the threat to everything he held dear.

None of this would have ever happened if he hadn't continued to ignore the signs back then, even when he'd heard the rumors about vanishing villagers. Even though a part of him had long suspected, he'd refused to believe right up until the day he had found himself in what remained of one of Orochimaru's labs. Back before the end, he'd seen other things that had indicated that something was seriously wrong but, he had let them go, believing his friend would come around.

He hadn't.

If he'd just said or done something long ago when he'd seen the first signs of trouble, back when Orochimaru was still begging for the attention he'd needed and still willing to reach out for help, none of this would have had to happen, and Konoha would not have been destroyed in his timeline. In many ways, this, and the future destruction of Konoha that he'd been forced to witness, had been all his fault.

* * *

Gaara sat impatiently waiting for the time to come. After their initial meeting when they had first arrived in the forest for a last-minute planning session, they had gone their "separate ways" because Naruto believed that Orochimaru would change his plans if he saw the team from Suna with his team. The separation was only a temporary one and, as soon as Orochimaru made his move, Gaara would be there, and he would be able to avenge his father and all from Suna who had died because of that madman's plans.

All that was left to do until then however was to wait. He hated waiting. Waiting was so boring, especially when a certain someone forgot his pills. He would be making his displeasure at being forced to do so known to all who followed Orochimaru after the snake had either been dealt with or driven off. It was a pity Kabuto was dead, because that corpse-summoning bastard had been near the top of his Shit-list. Knowing Kabuto though, the slimy little bastard always had a back way out, so there was still a very small possibility that he could be showing that young man exactly what happens to those who mess with the Kazekage one day.

That all would be later however. For now though, all he could do was wait. Wait, and finish his macrame owl.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	23. Orochimaru

Orochimaru wasn't entirely certain what happened. He'd gone into the forest as planned, located Sasuke whom he'd wished to test after learning that the boy had changed a great deal lately and therefore might not meet expectations later when he came to retrieve him, and attacked as planned. What hadn't gone to plan however was the outcome of the attack as Jiraiya, little Kakashi, and Little Anko, and the surviving Mokuton test subject had leapt out of the bushes and attacked him the instant he'd attacked the Uchiha boy and his team.

When he'd attacked Sasuke, everyone had jumped on him at once with their signature attacks, and he'd barely managed to escape with his life after taking a Rasengan and a Chidori when he had been bound in the tree created by the successful result of one of his experiments. If he hadn't been able to slip out of his own skin, he would quite likely be dead right now.

Out of the group that had ambushed him, he'd only been half expecting Anko to attack him while he was in the forest, and that was because, since he'd come so close to her earlier, he knew that she couldn't fail to notice he was there, and would eventually be coming for him in search of revenge. Being attacked by Jiraiya who had, to all appearances, finally decided to retire and settle down in Konoha, where he was playing house with little Minato's son, had been unanticipated and unexpected but not outside of the realm of possibility. Little Kakashi and Whasshisname had most likely either been recruited by either Anko or Jiraiya.

Apparently, someone had found the corpse he'd left behind and put two and two together. He didn't know how but, they had divined his true target this evening, and had acted accordingly. While Jiraiya was usually rather quick to figure things out, he wasn't usually that quick, which made his preset this ambush all the more unexpected.

Perhaps, considering how quickly they'd acted, they hadn't figured out his plans. If he were still loyal to Konoha, the first thing he would do if he discovered that it was possible that an S-Class missing nin might be running loose in the village was to make sure that the Kyuubi Jinchuriki was secure. The fact that those who were reportedly closest to the Jinchuriki had been the ones to attack supported this theory.

It quite possibly had just been his bad luck that the Uchiha boy was on the same Genin team as Konoha's Jinchuriki. He would think more on that later however since he was currently too busy running flat out through the forest with Jiraiya, Kakashi, his test subject, and Anko on his ass out for his blood.

All too soon, he found himself regretting the fact that he'd become so focused on his escape despite the fact that he'd managed to get out of sight of his pursuers because, he didn't notice Gaara blocking his path until he'd almost tripped over the homicidal boy who was holding what looked like a macrame owl for some strange reason. He didn't like the look he saw in the boy's eyes as he started to go around him. He really didn't' like the look in the boy's eyes, or the demented smile on his face. He most definitely didn't like the look in the boy's eyes, the demented grin on the boy's face, or the fact that a bunch of sand was now coming up behind him...

* * *

Despite being the lowest ranking, and therefore ostensibly weakest member of the group that was pursuing Orochimaru through the forest, Anko had reached the clearing that the Sannin had disappeared into first. Orochimaru was nowhere to be found however. Instead, there was a red-haired Genin from Suna who was playing around with a ball of sand that his two teammates were staring at in horror.

"He shoots, and he scores!" the red haired Genin yelled as he used his Chakra to toss the sand ball into a tree.

Instead of asking the child if he'd seen Orochimaru as she had planned, she had found that somewhere between her brain and her mouth the question had become "What are you doing?"

"Playing basketball with this pale long-haired weirdo that I found." the red haired Genin replied innocently.

"Where is he?" she yelled as her male companions finally entered the clearing.

Both of the red haired Genin's teammates pointed at the ball of sand that the boy was bouncing off of another tree.

* * *

Gaara sighed as his entertainment - who was quite amazingly still alive if rather broken - was taken away and put under a number of Chakra suppression seals amongst other things after receiving a swift kick in the balls from each of the Jounin who had come to retrieve him. While he had been waiting to get his revenge on Orochimaru more for the Suna nin that had been killed in the invasion than for his father whom he'd felt obligated to get revenge for as a member of his family rather than out of any particular desire to do so, he'd finished his macrame owl. After a while, with nothing else to do, he'd gotten bored again, and without paperwork to fill the empty hours by turning them into a torturous hell, he'd started getting antsy.

When Orochimaru had finally made his appearance and escaped the Konoha ninjas' attack which had looked more like a scene out of a comedy with everyone jumping out of the bushes at once to fight him, it had almost been a relief. The man had apparently taken much more damage in that funny looking attack than he'd initially thought because, he had rather easily managed to capture him in his sand. After he'd compacted both sand and man-shaped serpent into a ball, he found he needed something else to do, so...

He had a feeling that what had freaked Kankuro and Temari out about his game of Orochiball so badly was the fact that he had been behaving somewhat "out of character" rather than the viciousness and brutality of his actions. This was a side of him that almost nobody ever saw because, they were usually asleep when it came out. During his youth, he'd had to fill his empty hours with something, and killing assassins only took a second or two...

* * *

"You do realize that your team is going to kill you." Jiraiya said to Kakashi as he jostled his end of the stretcher he and the other man were carrying in order to aggravate his former teammate's injuries.

Now that the rather anticlimactic fight was over, he wasn't feeling as guilty and apprehensive as he had been, and was starting to remember more of the bad times with Orochimaru. It wasn't like causing his former teammate who'd betrayed him, Tsunade, and Hiruzen-sensei an extra bit of pain was going to kill him...

"Right now, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter." Kakashi replied. "My students are safe, and there's no chance in Hell that the Uchiha will join that snake now. Besides, it's not like I destroyed their only chance for advancement, they can take the Exams again in six months."

"Yeah but, with two pranksters on your team?" he replied. "I'd be triple checking everything I own for the next several years if I were you. Especially considering the fact that one of the Pranksters is Naruto and the other is his protegee. I made the mistake of getting on Naruto's bad side once during our training trip, and let me tell you, it was not fun."

"Fortunately in my timeline, the Prank Lord was dead and buried by the time I was put on the team." Tenzo said.

"If you only knew how much effort that took..." he moaned as he remembered waking up to a booby trapped tent or room on numerous occasions before he finally snapped and put the boy through the training routine from hell.

* * *

"Well, that was..." Naruto said as Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Tenzo carried off the broken and bloody body of Orochimaru.

"Rather anticlimactic." Sasuke finished.

He was glad that was over, and was feeling somewhat relieved since he'd been rescued from a fate that was probably worse than death. It wasn't just the whole curse seal and attempted body takeover thing that he feared. While he was willing to wear the ridiculous tracksuit since it actually served a purpose, he'd seen a sketch of what Orochimaru had him wearing in three years, and...He suppressed a shudder as he pictured the open fronted shirt, and purple assbow that apparently matched the one belonging to Orochimaru. The fangirls were bad enough now. He could only imagine what they'd be like if he wandered around with his shirt half-off. They'd probably try to rape him in public or something.

"I'm sorry to tell you guys this but, you may as well follow me to the gate when I go make my report to the Hokage." the Proctor Mitarashi Anko said as Kakashi, Jiraiya and Tenzo disappeared into the distance.

"What? Why?" Naruto asked.

"Since your Sensei entered the training grounds during the exam, your team was disqualified. Unfortunately, I cannot make exceptions for the fact that he had entered the forest to deal with an S-Class missing nin who had infiltrated the Exam. Precedent was set two decades ago after the incident in the Suna Winter Exams." the Proctor replied.

"Fuck." Naruto moaned.

He knew exactly how the other boy felt, and he had a feeling that Sakura did too since she hadn't got on the Uzumaki for swearing.

He had thought of resisting when the Proctor ushered them out of the forest but, there was no point in doing so. Thanks to Kakashi, his team had failed. There would be no becoming a Chunin on his first try just like Itachi. Because of that, he would be making his displeasure with his Sensei known as soon as he was able to. Perhaps some poisonous snakes in the man's bed would do the trick. That, and scorpions in his sandals, and a vicious rabid attack dog in his closet, and...

* * *

Kankuro learned a little bit of what it felt like to be Gaara when he had spent the entire night following the capture of Orochimaru wide awake watching his younger brother and praying that he didn't decide to play "basketball" with him since his previous ball had been taken away from him. He survived the night with his mind and body intact however, and had finally solved the mystery of the "Clothes fairy" who had been repairing his and Temari's clothing in the night and leaving new clothes at the ends of their beds on occasion.

While he had been watching, Gaara had pulled a dress pattern and several yards of purple material that he'd seen him purchase at the market the day before out of a storage scroll. His brother then spent the rest of the night cutting out the pattern and sewing it together to create said dress after measuring Temari several times because he didn't get the same measurement each time since his sister was busy quaking in fear. By the time the sun finally rose, the dress that Gaara had decided to make was halfway finished.

After the sun rose, Gaara put the half-completed dress away and got them a scroll by using his sand to pick up a team from Mist and shaking them until their scroll hit the ground, and they made their way to the tower. By the time they reached the tower, both Kankuro and Temari were completely exhausted by the ordeal they had been forced to go through yet unable to sleep while Gaara remained nearby. That mixture of exhaustion and sleeplessness nearly drove Kankuro spare by the time the sun had set once more.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	24. Marriage?

Naruto had fully expected Hinata to be at the hospital when he got there the day the Second Phase of the Exams had ended. The five days in the forest plus an extra amount of time for the preliminaries that may or may not have taken place due to his team's presence or rather lack thereof had passed hours ago. Since she should have the rest of the day off from training and it wasn't dinnertime and Hinata wasn't in the spot she usually occupied when she was following him around, he had assumed that she had gotten injured in the Preliminaries like she had the last time around and went to the hospital to visit her. She hadn't been at the hospital when he had arrived however.

Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't completely oblivious to Hinata's constant stalking. He had simply become so used to the girl's presence that she had become part of the normal Konoha background for him. What he had been oblivious to the last time around however was the fact that the girl had actually loved him. Before she had made her revelation as she fought Pein, he hadn't really believed that the heir to one of Konoha's most prestigious and influential clans would want anything to do with him, much less that, and he'd never once associated Hinata's constantly hanging in the background with Sakura's constant and overt pursuit of Sasuke.

Hinata usually hung around him when she wasn't busy with training or at home. The fact that she wasn't there following his every move from behind a tree, building, or fence, wasn't at the hospital, and wasn't home, as he'd learned when he checked by asking one of the Hyuuga after they had left the compound, was seriously starting to weird him out, especially considering the fact that this slightly disturbing change of routine had come immediately after a major pivotal moment in her life. Or at what should have been a pivotal moment.

After tracking Hinata by following her scent, which was a trick he rarely used because of all the other and often horrible smells he tended to pick up along with the one he wanted, he found her in an isolated section of forest in the back hills. It soon became obvious that he hadn't gotten there a moment too soon, as Hinata had a knife with her and was obviously building up her courage for something.

"Hey Hinata, what's up?" he asked in a false cheerful tone, hoping and praying that Hinata wasn't doing what he thought she was doing.

Hinata started sobbing at that point.

"I'm a total failure, even at this." Hinata said, gesturing towards the knife. "Neji-nii was right, I should do everyone a favor and die."

"Hinata..." he said, at a loss for words.

He felt rather low at that moment. His kind and gentle friend had most likely been feeling this way for a very long time, and he hadn't bothered to notice. If he'd payed a bit of attention to Hinata like he should have this time around instead of focusing almost exclusively on Sasuke and Sakura out of all of his friends and precious people, she probably wouldn't have reached this state. And, Hinata was only one out of several of his friends who were suffering right now. Even Neji...

"I can't do anything right. I couldn't even fight Neji..." Hinata said, still crying.

"You got Neji during the prelims?" he asked, now on more familiar ground.

"Yes, and I gave up without even trying, like I always do." she said.

"That fight was totally unfair." he said.

"Why? Because Neji is the strongest in our generation, and I'm nothing?" Hinata asked bitterly.

Obviously, this had been festering for a while, and her family's actions hadn't helped. Odds were that the instant the preliminaries were over Hiashi would have taken the opportunity to point out to Hinata how weak she supposedly was. He had a feeling that part of that was because was concerned and he wanted his daughter to get stronger, and that a part of that which Hiashi would probably never admit to himself was that a part of him resented his daughter because her kidnapping had led to the death of his twin.

"No." he replied deciding to give Hinata the answer she'd needed which was also a true one. "That fight was completely unfair because of who Neji is to you. I know you Hinata, and I know that you're a kind and gentle person who doesn't want to hurt anyone you care for. You feel that you've already hurt Neji, and you don't want to hurt him any further. Because I know you, I know that if someone tried to hurt the people you care for, you'd face them even if they were a hundred times stronger than you, and you'd hand them their ass."

Hinata sat there and stared at him unbelieving.

"You don't believe me?" he asked. "How about I ask you a few questions, and you answer me honestly."

"O-okay." Hinata replied.

"What would you do if someone hurt Hanabi right in front of you?" he asked.

From the slightly vicious look in Hinata's eyes at the thought of what would happen to anyone who would dare harm her little sister, he could tell that he had gotten through to her, at least a little. After that little display, he and Hinata spent several hours talking after he'd gotten her to relinquish the knife. Sitting still for that long and talking about feelings normally wasn't in his nature but, he would do anything it took to keep from losing even one of his precious people.

Eventually, Hinata became completely exhausted from all of the talking and the crying, and fell asleep. As he was debating whether or not to carry Hinata back to the village and risk a lecture for "trespassing" at the Hyuuga compound, he heard a noise coming from the bushes. When he turned towards the source of the noise, it was to see Gaara approaching.

"Hey Naruto, I had a few hours to spare, and was wondering if we could play "Ninja"." Gaara said when he finally arrived.

"We can but, can you do me a favor first?" he asked. "Can you drop Hinata off at the Hyuuga compound? I'd do it myself, but I'm not entirely certain how welcome my presence would be there after that prank I pulled on one of the Elders last year."

"Sure." Gaara replied as he picked the girl up with his sand and carried her off.

When Gaara was gone, he destroyed Hinata's knife, and made his way back to the village to get something to eat. Since it was rather late, Ichiraku was closed which meant that he'd have to disguise himself and go elsewhere because he wasn't in the mood to either cook or be alone at the moment. He could enter pretty much any restaurant as himself but, the glares tended to get to him and service tended to be rather slow.

* * *

Gaara's first impression of the Hyuuga clan when he'd first encountered him had been that they were stuck up snobs, and there had been very little to change that impression over the years. While there were naturally some exceptions to the rule like Hinata, that impression was completely correct in his opinion. When he got to the gate of the Hyuuga Compound, Hinata was taken off of his hands by a pair of annoying pricks, and he was led further into the compound. When he arrived at the destination he'd been led to, it was to find Hyuuga Hiashi sitting in some sort of formal audience chamber looking at him rather sternly.

"What were you doing with my daughter?" Hiashi asked him after the basic formalities which had been drilled into him when he'd become Kazekage in the future were over.

"Training." he replied after a moment of internal debate.

He wasn't certain how accepting of Naruto Hyuuga Hiashi was at this point, and he would rather not get the other boy into trouble if it were at all possible. Training was an acceptable answer in a Ninja village.

"And where was your chaperone while you were "Training"?" Hiashi asked.

"Chaperone?" he asked.

Oh crap. He should have known that the Hyuuga were one of Those clans. They sure were stuffy enough to be so.

"I see." Hiashi said, looking extremely displeased by his answer.

An ominous feeling overtook him. This was not good. This was most definitely not good. This was going to be a repeat of the Iwa incident, he just knew it. Why was it that nobody demanded that Naruto marry any of the princesses he rescued?

"You were out with my daughter without a chaperone, and you lied about training." Hiashi said. "At this point, you have two options. One, you can marry my daughter, or Two, I can kill you. Which will it be?"

Gaara stared at Hyuuga Hiashi in horror. Just as he suspected, it was a repeat of the Iwa incident and, he had the feeling that this time he wouldn't be getting out of it since Hinata seemed too well behaved to be the sort to elope with a wandering minstrel a half hour before the wedding. The Hinata he knew was Aburame Shino's wife, and he had a feeling that if he married the girl, Shino would find a way to rip apart the veil of time and beat the shit out of him.

In his time, the Aburame had quietly pined after Hinata until he had finally won her hand after some rather confusing series of events which had resolved that section of Konoha's infamous and rather convoluted three-dimensional love polygon. He wasn't entirely sure what had happened since he'd only heard about it thirdhand but, by the time it was over, Maito Gai had had a broken leg, Rock Lee had done something unspeakable to a tree, Hyuuga Neji had been locked in a bathroom, and Mitarashi Anko had ended up getting married to someone whose name was either Yamato or Tenzo resolving another section of the infamous love polygon.

Despite the fact that he didn't want to marry Hinata, it was starting to look like his only option since there would of course be a great deal of trouble for him and his village if he took option two and killed Hinata's father rather than allow the man to kill him. Suna was currently in a rather vulnerable state at the moment, and - though they didn't know it yet - without a Kage. If war were declared now, Suna could be destroyed. The invasion had been a rather desperate gamble the last time around, and it had failed to pay off.

At this point in time he probably had only one hope, and it was a slim one at best.

"Um, please give me some time to get ready." he said as he began to retreat from the Hyuuga who would more than likely hunt him down if he tried to leave the village.

He had to find Naruto and fast. At this age, Hinata was desperately in love with Naruto and would be willing to defy her father over him. A five year age difference wasn't nearly as bad as the one that was actually between him and this Hinata, and he had a feeling that he would be able to get Naruto to go through with it if he couched it in terms of helping out a couple of friends who were in a difficult situation. It was Naruto's fault he'd gotten in this mess anyways so, it was only fair that he tossed it back into the other boy's lap.

* * *

Neji had been practicing the Kaiten in the woods as he often did when he could find a spare moment away from his team who, in his opinion, belonged in an asylum rather than wandering around amongst the general public when a sudden wind came up, countered his spin, and slammed him into a tree.

"You should watch out for that. Someone from Suna spotted that particular weakness in the future." a vaguely familiar voice said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Someone who has come to have a little discussion with you about your attitude." the voice said as a very familiar blond stepped out of the trees, a blond who had tried to take the Academy Graduation exam with his year and failed abysmally, a blond who had accidentally killed a fellow Konoha ninja during the written part of the Chunin Exams, and somehow managed to get his team disqualified during the second phase.

As he prepared to hand the loser who had somehow countered his Kaiten his ass and send him packing on his way to the hospital, the red haired Genin from Suna came racing out of the trees.

"Naruto, can you teach Neji the error of his ways some other time? I have a massive problem that needs to be solved immediately." the red haired Suna Genin said.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	25. A Jutsu Dodged

Gaara had apparently found Naruto just in time since, less than a minute after he'd reached the boy, a pair of Hyuuga who had apparently been ordered to drag him back had appeared. They were now back before Hyuuga Hiashi, and thanks to Naruto, he had a feeling that he'd just dodged the Jutsu.

He was glad that Naruto was around. Despite his reputation for being dim and thickheaded, Naruto had a tendency to come up with unorthodox answers that actually worked, and it had naturally been Naruto who had been the one to find the obvious out that he had failed to spot in his panic over being stuck in a repeat of the "Iwa incident". Naruto also had a surprising talent for weaseling his way out of things by telling the complete truth in a manner that shunted the blame elsewhere, and he was using that ability to the fullest since he had not been in the mood to get married either, and had thought that trapping Hinata in a loveless marriage wouldn't be a good idea.

"...Didn't realize that a friend could be considered a Chaperone when he had mentioned that he hadn't had one since that is more of an important appointed position in Suna." Naruto was saying to the head of the Hyuuga clan as he did his best to get him out of the unwanted marriage. "The reason he'd lied about training was because he hadn't wanted to break Hinata's confidence. She had been feeling unhappy about how the preliminaries had gone, and had shared some things with us that she would rather have kept private."

Hyuuga Hiashi's expression had relaxed as Naruto finished speaking, and the man had ordered one of the Branch house members to stop fitting Hinata's wedding kimono and let the girl go back to bed as the apparent misunderstanding had been resolved.

Thank every deity in existence.

"Now that that's over with, I'm gonna go beat some sense into Neji." Naruto said after the Hyuuga had dismissed them, happy that his daughter didn't have to marry a foreigner - or anyone for that matter - to keep her reputation from being ruined.

"But you promised to play "Ninja" with me." he said, relieved that he was going to get out of there with his current state of bachelorhood intact.

He would marry when he was good and ready, and he wasn't ready at the moment. He'd seen what marriage had done to poor Kankuro and Shikamaru for that matter.

"Okay. Okay. Ninja first, then beat Neji up later." Naruto said smiling.

That evening's game of Ninja had been the best by far. There was always something about escaping a danger of some sort that made these kinds of moments all the more sweeter. Of course, he wasn't taking the ending of that game into account whenever he thought that upon looking back on it. The way the game had ended was one of those things where you had to wait a few years before you considered it safe to look back and laugh.

* * *

Sakura had been sleeping peacefully when the Genin from Suna had dropped in. When she woke up at the loud crashing noise that had jarred her from a nice dream where she'd been having a picnic with all of her friends, it was to find the red-haired brat that Naruto had befriended nearly two weeks before standing on several glass shards that had previously been her bedroom window.

"Sorry." he said somewhat apologetically. "It seems that my game of Ninja got out of hand."

"Sorry!" she yelled as she moved to beat the crap out of the boy who had invaded her home and woke her from her beauty sleep. "I'll show you sorry! It's three in the goddamn morning!"

The boy's eyes widened in fear and he gulped as he dove out the window with her in hot pursuit.

* * *

Hiruzen Sarutobi groaned as someone shook him awake. He'd only gotten to sleep a couple of hours ago after a rather eventful and emotionally draining day. After witnessing the preliminaries for the Third Phase of the Chunin Exams, he had been there to supervise Orochimaru's transfer from the hospital to the heavily warded cell where he was going to be kept until they could figure out how to kill the man who had made himself virtually unkillable. After that, he had been forced to fill out out all of the necessary paperwork regarding his former student's incarceration and pending execution.

It was sad really. Even knowing exactly what sort of monster his student had become, he still found himself seeing that small bright boy who had just lost both of his parents every time he looked at him. That sentimentality had been the reason that he had been unable to kill his student the day he had fled, and the reason he was even now reluctant to kill him. He would kill him because he had to though. He would kill him in order to protect Konoha, even though a small part of himself would die when he did so.

When he opened his eyes to see exactly who would be getting every sucky mission he could think of for the next three months, it was not to find a shinobi with important business that needed his immediate attention but, to find his grandson Konohamaru standing there instead.

"Jiichan, can I go outside and play with Naruto?" Konohamaru asked when he was finally awake.

"Why do you want to go and play with Naruto? It's three fifteen in the morning?" he asked when he caught sight of the clock on his bedside table.

"He, Gaara, and Sakura are playing a game that looks really fun." Konohamaru replied.

He blushed slightly at this. It seemed that he would have to have a certain talk with Naruto tomorrow, as well as a discussion about the kinds of things that were and weren't acceptable to do in public.

"Maybe when you're older Konohamaru." he replied. "But, not right now."

"Why am I not old enough to play tag with Naruto? Is it because Sakura's using real kunai?" Konohamaru asked.

"Wha...?"

* * *

"You can do this." Sasuke said to himself in order to psych himself up for his next prank. "You can make it through this. Remember, this is to get revenge on Kakashi. Even if Kakashi's fangirls mob you, it will be worth it in the end."

After making the requisite handseals, Sasuke shouted "Henge!". A moment later, Hatake Kakashi was standing where Uchiha Sasuke had been. Besides his mask however, he was completely naked.

"Alright. Time to go." he said to himself after checking his reflection in a nearby window.

With that, he walked off and took a leisurely stroll around town. Near a Shinobi bar, several patrons who had just exited after a night of drinking blinked before shaking their heads.

"Gai, go wake Kakashi up," Yuhi Kurenai said. "He's sleepwalking again."

"Yosh!" Gai yelled before sailing over his head with a kick that probably would have taken it off had he really been Kakashi's height.

"Hmm. I do not think that is Kakashi." Gai said after he smacked into the side of a building on the other side of the street.

"Hmm. You're right It's not." Yuhi Kurenai said as she studied him for a minute, slightly weaving in place. "It's the Uchiha brat."

"Why would Kakashi's potentially homicidal student pretend to be Kakashi?" Gai asked.

"It's probably another one of his pranks." Kurenai replied. "Let's just ignore him and go home."

_Potentially homicidal student?_ he wondered as he watched Kakashi's fellow Jounin stagger off into the early morning. _Potentially homicidal student? Why would they...? Ohhh...  
_

"Damn you Itachi." he grumbled as he released the Henge which had failed to garner the effect he had desired.

Sighing, he turned away from the bar and headed back home. The last time he'd tried using Naruto's modified Oiroke Jutsu to get in, he'd failed for some strange reason. He wasn't really in the mood for company at the moment anyways, and he most definitely wasn't in the mood to get laughed at when he got zapped as invariably happened when he tried getting into a bar to drink since nobody at the local liquor stores would sell to him anymore.

* * *

Baki had been up worrying about what to put in his report back home. Gaara had been acting more strangely than usual lately. The boy usually hid his more random hobbies from just about everyone but now, he was bringing them out in the open, and that was becoming rather worrisome as it was extremely out of character for the boy who never showed his softer side to anyone if he could help it.

As he was setting brush to scroll, in order to ask Chiyo for advice since she was Suna's Jinchuriki expert, he heard the front door of their lodgings slam open, and just as quickly slam closed.

"Lock the door, lock the door, lock the door!" Gaara's new friend yelled desperately.

There was a click as the bolt slid home, and both Gaara and his blond friend - who was yet another thing he was worried about as intelligence had pointed to the boy being Konoha's Jinchruiki - let out sighs of relief as the doorknob rattled furiously. Then, he heard the sound of a kunai pounding against wood.

"Holy shit! She's trying to cut her way through!" Gaara's friend yelled.

"Your teammate is very scary." Gaara said.

"You said it!" the other boy yelled.

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor in this instance, he ran and hid. It was a prudent thing to do considering the fact that someone that Gaara found to be frightening was trying to get into their lodgings. From the sound of it, the girl was trying to cut her way through the three inch thick wooden door with a kunai, and he had a feeling that she might succeed.

* * *

Neji groaned and stretched. He'd fallen asleep during training again. He did that sometimes. This time though he'd ended up in a rather uncomfortable position and his back and neck hurt. Despite the aches that made moving painful, he would have to hurry home before Lee caught him out here during his early morning training.

He always made sure to do all of his extra training when Lee wouldn't see him. For some reason, the boy believed that all of his skill had come to him naturally without practice and, as it gave him a bit of an ego boost, he'd allowed the other boy to continue to believe it, even though he sometimes had to go out of his way to make it seem so.

His evening had been rather strange, as that loser Uzumaki had tried to challenge him for some reason, and had actually managed to land a blow on him. It had been a cheap shot that had come out of nowhere when he wasn't expecting it but, it was a blow nonetheless. The fight that the Uzumaki had been trying to pick hadn't happened however, as one of the Genin from Suna had come up and started saying something about a marriage to Hinata that he didn't quite catch or really care to. Whatever that other loser who was unfortunately related to him did didn't really concern him now that he'd proven his superiority over her before everyone.

As he was making his way back to the Hyuuga compound, his sensei's self-proclaimed eternal rival wandered by. Naked. Believing it to be some sort of joke, he activated his Byakugan to see who would have the balls to do such a thing.

Holy shit! That really was Kakashi!

**Edited 11-4-12**


	26. Interlude: Locked in a Closet

Naruto groaned as he awoke to complete darkness. He was shut in a closet which was located somewhere that smelled like the Academy except for the fact that the Academy didn't use Ironwood scented floor cleaner. There was also someone in here with him that smelled like diseased trees and old people.

Why did this situation seem so familiar?

_Little Naruto whimpered as he awoke to complete darkness. There was a groan nearby. He wasn't alone. One of the big mean people was in here with him..._

_Naruto groaned as he awoke to complete darkness. As his foot moved, it found the leg of another person. He waited for the other shoe to drop knowing that the guys in the animal masks had finally gotten fed up with all of his pranks, and that whatever retaliation they had planned for him right now was most definitely not good..._

_Naruto groaned as he awoke to complete darkness. He could hear someone else breathing in the dark. He wasn't alone. Something about this situation seemed familiar for some reason. Maybe he'd pranked the guys in the animal masks one too many times again..._

_Naruto groaned as he awoke to complete darkness. He seemed to be crammed into a small utility closet with someone else, and that someone smelled like old people. His head hurt, his mouth was dry, and the last thing he remembered was Shizune with a dart gun. Maybe he should quit calling the Hokage "Baachan". Nah..._

"Hey Geezer, get your foot off my leg!" Naruto yelled.

It was a small closet, and no matter how he moved, if the freaky old person he was trapped with didn't shift position, he'd be touching it. He so didn't want to be touching an old person who smelled like a sick tree right now.

"Why does this situation seem so familiar?" said a voice he barely recognized.

He couldn't quite place the voice but, he was reasonably certain that it belonged to one of those old farts who used to hang around the Old Man and later Tsunade-baachan. He hoped and prayed it was old dude with the glasses.

"Not an effing clue." he replied scooting as far away from the old man as he could before he got a bright idea.

Whoever had trapped him in here was quite likely either stronger or smarter than he was or both considering the fact that they'd been able to capture him. If that was the case, then they would be able to keep him trapped in here for as long as they pleased. But, it was possible that the old guy he was trapped with knew some long-forgotten ninja tricks they didn't teach anymore since the old people who hung around the Old Man used to be his teammates or something. Maybe, the old guy who was either that guy with the glasses or that asshat Danzo could get them out of this.

"You used to be a ninja right?" he asked, getting straight to the point and hoping the old guy knew something that would get them out of here.

"No used to be about it boy, I still am." said the person with whom he was trapped.

"So, you've been a ninja for what, fifty years?" he asked.

"Closer to sixty." the old person replied.

"Good. Then you can get us out of this." he said.

An exasperated sigh came from the direction in which the old man was located.

"Move over boy." the old man said as he shifted towards where the door was located.

He moved over, and the old guy started fiddling with the door handle which appeared to be completely intact. After what seemed like an eternity of swearing in which he learned several new ways to question someone's sanity, paternity, maternity, sexual preferences, the sexual preferences of that person's mother, father, sister, brother, and family dog, and how to do so in at least three languages, the old guy ordered him to move over again and sat down next to him. It was at that point that he noticed that the arm closest to him was in a sling.

Fucking great. He'd been trapped in a closet with Danzo.

* * *

"So, where's Naruto?" Kakashi asked when he met up with the guys for drinks at Jiraiya's apartment.

"Tenzo locked him in a closet with Danzo somewhere." Jiraiya replied off-handedly.

"Like that hasn't been tried a half dozen times." Kakashi snorted as he downed the first sake of the evening.

"It has?" Tenzo asked as he pulled his ochoko towards him.

"Yeah. There was that time when Naruto was two, and the Sandaime decided that the best way to get Danzo to stop asking to turn the boy into a weapon was to have him spend more than two seconds in his presence, which was something Danzo wouldn't willingly do." Kakashi said.

"Then there was the time when Naruto was six when the Hokage tried again." Kakashi continued.

"There was also that time the ANBU locked Naruto in a closet with the closest thing we could find to "Creepiest old guy" in the village after he broke into T&I headquarters, sprayed silly string everywhere, and freed three high value prisoners when he was nine. We couldn't use the real "Creepiest old guy" in the village since the Hokage would have had our heads for putting Naruto in a closet with a suspected child molester." Kakashi finished before he refilled his ochoko.

"There was also that one time Tsunade got desperate, and hoped that Naruto would work his special magic on the man and make him easier to deal with. The guy repented for all of two minutes before he was back to his old tricks again." Jiraiya said before taking a sip of his drink.

* * *

Had Fu or Torune had any emotions, they would have been screaming in frustration over all of the work that was ahead of them. They had hacked away all of the tree branches that had blocked access to the hallway in which one of the Ninja Academy's numerous supply closets was located, and learned that they had arrived too late once again.

"And then he volunteered to die while I was working up the nerve..." Danzo-sama said as he was spilling his entire life's story to the boy who had been trapped in the closet with the man.

Torune had been quite young when he had first encountered the Uzumaki boy's unique abilities. He had come to the rescue of Danzo-sama who'd been sealed in a utility closet in the Administration Complex ten years ago only to find the man sobbing into the hair of a small toddler and vowing to raise the boy as his own child. Since that incident, certain protocols had been put in place. Protocols that would be going into effect now.

"The chamber has been prepared." Fu said when he received confirmation from one of the other Root operatives.

Upon receiving that confirmation from Fu, Torune released several Kikaichu whose venom had sedative properties rather than poisonous ones. It had taken over a month for Danzo-sama to return to normal the last time this had happened, and that had been after they had been forced to implement a memory wipe. There had been a large number of consequences that had resulted from this extended recovery, and some of the recruits from that period were slightly...off.

Elsewhere in the village, Shin sneezed as he made his way on his self appointed mission to acquire a teddy bear for his little brother despite the fact that the other boy was too old for such things.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	27. Third Phase

Naruto grumbled as he got up in time to get a reasonably good seat at the arena for the Third Phase of the Chunin Exams. Apparently, when the exams took place in Konoha, attendance was mandatory for Genin, which meant that he couldn't skip it to get extra sleep or training in, and nobody could chase him away from the arena like they had done the last time the Chunin Exams were in Konoha when he'd shown up to see what was going on. Back then, the bastards who'd chased him off hadn't even told him it was the Chunin Exams, and as a result he hadn't known what the Chunin Exams were until Sakura had told him about them when Gaara showed up the first time, since the public part of the Exams tended to take place when the Academy was in session, and the Instructors he'd had didn't seem to think that children who weren't even Genin yet needed to be bothered with them.

He was reasonably certain that there wouldn't be an invasion this time however. Orochimaru was currently locked up somewhere where irony of ironies, he was the experiment, and the impostor Orochimaru had sent to replace the Kazekage when he couldn't because he had to be elsewhere had been caught thanks to Gaara. The impostor had tried to pin the blame for what happened to the real Kazekage on Konoha but, fortunately for Konoha, the last place the Kazekage had been headed to when he was still alive had been to meet Orochimaru who was oddly enough still alive whereas the Kazekage was not. The Kazekage's death had been confirmed without a doubt after a search that had been made upon the discovery of the imposter had turned up his body where it had been the last time around when it had been found after the invasion.

He'd wondered how Gaara could stand to wear the hat considering where it had been, until Gaara had informed him that he'd used one of his father's spare hats and buried the one that had been on his father's rotting corpse with his father. That wouldn't have flown in Konoha however. In Konoha, there was only one Hokage hat. Fortunately, it had been left in the village when three of the five Hokages had run off to die in battle, and hadn't been on the Old Man's head when he'd died the last time around.

Because there wouldn't be an invasion, all he had to look forward to today was a relatively boring day in which Shikamaru's bout would eat several hours while the Nara waited for the sun to be positioned correctly. If Gaara didn't get too bored and hand him his ass that was. There were some good things about the change in the timeline after all, and one of them was the fact that random number draws didn't come out the same, unless they were rigged like the whole Neji/Hinata fight had been.

Thanks to his team being knocked out of the running, the lineup for the Third Phase of the Exams looked rather different than it had the last time around. Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, Neji, Shikamaru, and Shino had made it through just like the last time around but, so had Ino, Kiba, and Lee, and surprisingly enough the Sound Genin Dosu had remained behind and alive to take the Exams despite the fact that his "Kage" was imprisoned, and his village would quite likely be wiped off the map very soon since Suna had declared war on Otogakure and Konoha was willing to lend a hand in that should Suna call upon them.

The matches for the first round of the Third Phase were Temari vs. Shino, Dosu vs. Neji, Shikamaru vs. Gaara, Kankuro vs. Kiba, and Ino vs. Lee. He was glad that he wasn't in the running this time around, since the competitors weren't allowed to make bets on the outcome of the matches. Knowing the competitors like he did as he'd fought against, and fought alongside all of them except Dosu, he was sure to make a killing. He'd already placed his bets, and casually mentioned he'd made said bets to Kakashi-sensei, Ero-senin, and Iruka-sensei in case the bookie got any ideas of not paying up.

On the way to the arena, Neji blew past him in a neon yellow tracksuit with green shoulders and green sandals which oddly enough didn't look half bad on him, and made him almost match Gai and Lee. Two weeks ago, he'd taught Neji his lesson, and somehow acquired another "student" in the process. He was reasonably certain that Neji had taken on this form of training so he could have a semi-legitimate excuse to prank his uncle rather than out of a desire to become stronger though. Neji had already gotten the man twice in the last week, and had been forced to literally run for his life after the second incident.

Eventually, after a whole and unbroken Lee had passed him, he had reached the arena where he took a seat between his teammates in the stands.

* * *

Gaara winced as he watched his sister shriek and slap herself everywhere. Temari hated bugs, and Aburame Shino was probably the worst opponent for her considering that fact. Temari's fan had blown away the cloud of bugs that had been headed towards her but unfortunately, that cloud had been a distraction. The real attack had been the carpet of Kikaichu which had been sent along the ground and come up behind her while she had been entirely focused on their flying counterparts.

That had been an embarrassing match as far as he was concerned. The match between her and the Nara boy she'd been fond of for a good long while had been a much better one as far as he was concerned, even if he recalled it being boring as hell and taking forever. At least then, Temari had been able to showcase her talents and had looked cool while doing so rather than looking like a little girly girl like she did now.

Next up was Dosu, whom he had vague recollections of killing, and Neji. This promised to be an interesting fight, especially if Neji tried the Kaiten since Dosu had an ability that actually might be able to counter the near perfect defense. Dosu's sonic attack affected the inner ear, and rather painfully threw his opponents off balance, and as spinning around was required for the Kaiten...

* * *

Maito Gai watched his student fight, and wondered if it was too early to thank the Uzumaki boy. A great change had come over Neji since the day the boy who had been completely covered in bruises at the time had shown up to apologize to Lee two weeks ago. Whether or not that change was temporary or permanent was yet to be seen. So far however, it appeared that the Uzumaki boy had gotten through to Neji where others had failed. But, then again, besides the Uzumaki boy, he was probably the only one who had actually made any real effort to get through to him. Unlike the Uzumaki however, he couldn't beat sense into the child like he had been itching to do any number of times because of all of the trouble it would have caused with the Hyuuga who would have been up in arms about his treatment of their precious "Prodigy".

If the Uzumaki hadn't gotten through to Neji, Lee probably would have gotten to him sometime down the line via the Obito method but, by then, it would have been too late. Lee would have been gone, and Neji would have ended up being a complete emotional wreck like Kakashi. Fortunately, thanks to the Uzumaki, that scenario may not come about, since it looked like the boy had gotten through, and if the boy had really gotten through, Neji would more than likely view Lee as a valued comrade rather than a possible hindrance, and would make more of an effort to have his back than he would if he'd viewed Lee as someone he was forced to work with.

He would adopt a wait and see policy for now before he started thanking Naruto. If the change appeared to be both genuine and lasting, he would owe the Uzumaki boy a great debt, and he would do anything and everything in his power to repay it.

* * *

Kabuto barely suppressed a grin as he reached Orochimaru's cell. It had been all too easy.

The Uzumaki boy had very nearly killed him with that poisoned needle. But fortunately, the proctor who had taken his vital signs during that incident had been another one of Orochimaru's spies, and the man had dragged him out of the room very shortly before he died rather than shortly after he died. Once out of the room, he had been given an antidote to the poison that had been on the Mist Genin's needle out of the Academy's First Aid kit which contained a wide variety of antidotes in case of accidental poisonings, though it had almost been too late.

He'd been brought to the hospital morgue in a near-death state from which he recovered. After recovering, it had been a simple matter of giving one of the bodies he kept in a storage scroll for just this eventuality his features, and making his escape. After he had made his escape, he had gone into hiding in one of Orochimaru's old boltholes which littered the woods around Konoha.

He had spent a rather uncomfortable month living in the trunk of a tree while he figured out his next move. In his opinion, it had taken way too long to come up with a viable plan to free Orochimaru. But, that was his fault for not thinking of it sooner. Fortunately, that plan had gone without a hitch so far...

As he was removing the straps that held Orochimaru down on the small cot that was the only piece of furniture in the cell that Orochimaru occupied, he felt a strange tickling sensation run up his leg. Yanking his pants leg up in order to deal with whatever insect was crawling on said limb as leaving what could be one of one of the Aburame's bugs on him would be a rookie mistake, he found himself looking down at a Chakra suppressing seal.

"Gotcha you little rat!" said a very familiar and unwelcome voice behind him.

He turned around to find himself looking at Jiraiya of the Sannin, Shimura Danzo, and an extremely pale boy with black hair and black eyes who was holding a paintbrush. That turned out to be a mistake since, while he was focused on them, he failed to notice and deal with the paralyzing seal that then made its way up his leg in time.

Shit.

"Thanks for the loan Danzo." Jiraiya said as he ruffled the pale boy's hair.

"Not a problem Jiraiya." Danzo replied with a most disturbingly genuine smile. "If you'll excuse me, I'd better get going before the boys realize I've escaped again."

Danzo then took his leave, racing down the hall at a speed he would have sworn was impossible for a shinobi his age retired or otherwise if he hadn't seen it himself.

"I love it when he's like this." Jiraiya sighed. "It's a pity it won't last."

"Kabuto was it?" Jiraiya asked in a falsely casual tone of voice when he turned to him after pretending to have forgotten he was there.

"Yes." he replied, wondering what Orochimaru's former teammate had up his sleeve, especially since he was working with the likes of Danzo.

"The T&I department has a few things they want to ask you." Jiraiya said as he stepped aside with a smile that made his stomach sink with dread for some strange reason.

He learned what that reason was an instant later when it was revealed that Mitarashi Anko had been standing right behind the Sannin.

"Well Sai," Jiraiya said as he ushered the small boy down the hall, leaving him alone with the woman who had sworn to do her utmost to destroy Orochimaru and make the lives of his willing followers a living hell. "Now that that's over, let's go get a drink before Danzo turns back into his old self and drags you home."

Yes, it had been entirely too easy.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	28. Hi Itachi!

Itachi smiled slightly as he enjoyed a cup of tea and a plate of dango at an outside table at his favorite tea house in Konoha which he hadn't been able to visit in nearly five years. There were some things that tasted much better at home than they did elsewhere, and the tea here was just as good as he remembered it being. Kisame, who was under a Henge that made him look like a large, solidly built man with brown hair and green eyes, sat across from him fidgeting nervously. Part of this could have been because he himself was under a Henge that made him look like a particularly attractive young blonde who possessed a rather sizable pair of...assets. No matter what he looked like, Kisame had absolutely no interest in dating him, and their current activity was a bit too close to date-like for his partner's comfort.

While he and Kisame had ostensibly come to Konoha with the goal of testing village security, and possibly capturing the Kyuubi's host, he had actually come to make sure his little brother was alright since there had been rumors that Orochimaru had been in the Forest of Death while his brother had been in there during the Second Phase of the Chunin Exams, and to make a report to the Hokage about the Akatsuki's current activities. The fact that he'd been able to threaten Shimura Danzo and stop at his favorite tea house on the way out of the village was just a bonus as far as he was concerned, even though the threatening of Danzo hadn't gone the way he'd expected.

After leaving the Hokage's secret meeting place, it had taken him a while to find Danzo, who had been hiding in a tree for some strange reason. When he had found him, he had told the man what he'd do to him if he ever even thought about harming Sasuke in exacting detail. Instead of giving him that false smile of his while exuding an air of menace like he normally would have done upon receiving such a threat, the man had quietly taken the threat before smiling sadly at him and apologizing for putting him in a position where he'd been forced to kill his clan. This uncharacteristic behaviour on Danzo's part had naturally disturbed him to no end. Fortunately, he had the continent's best tea and dango to comfort him.

As he was biting into his serving of Mitarashi dango, a boy in a neon pink track suit who looked a great deal like his brother Sasuke raced by. Instead of continuing on his way down the road at the high rate of speed he'd been maintaining, the boy suddenly screeched to a halt in the middle of the street, and then ran backwards until he was even with the table he and Kisame were seated at, at which point he began running in place, turning an active Sharingan on him and his companion.

"Hi Nii-chan." the boy said cheerfully like he used to when he was little, before turning and looking over his shoulder.

Whatever the boy he somehow couldn't process as being Sasuke saw over his shoulder had clearly made him nervous because the exact same expression Sasuke had had the one time their father had gone after him with a belt crossed the boy's face for an instant before he started running once more.

"Bye Nii-chan" the boy yelled over his shoulder as he raced away once more.

"What..." Kisame started, before a glitter covered ANBU in a cat mask raced by.

"Pink spotted on Tobirama Avenue headed East, I'm in pursuit." the ANBU yelled into a headset.

"... was that about?" Kisame finished.

"I don't know." he replied, honestly at a loss.

He'd known that the death of the clan and what he'd done to his brother with the Tsukuyomi would have made him somewhat unstable but, he hadn't realized that he'd destabilized the boy to that point. Based on all of the accounts he'd heard of his younger brother since he'd left the village, he'd been given the impression that Sasuke an aloof avenger who was obsessed with getting stronger in order to get revenge like he should be so he'd be strong enough to face Madara later on, not whatever the hell that was that had just stopped by his table had been.

Ten seconds later, a long haired Hyuuga of indeterminate gender in a yellow track suit raced by.

"Hi Uchiha-san. Bye Uchiha-san." the boy? said, not even bothering to stop as he did so.

The reason for the Hyuuga teen's flight soon became apparent when a paint covered Hyuuga Hiashi followed an instant later, completely ignoring him and Kisame in his determination to catch and possibly kill the other Hyuuga.

As he was getting back to his snack, determinedly trying to ignore what had just happened for the sake of his sanity, a blond in a bright orange and blue tracksuit jumped off of the roof of the tea house and landed on his and Kisame's table, barely missing his and Kisame's food and drinks when he did so.

"Hi Itachi." the boy said cheerfully as he jumped from the table to the ground before turning and giving him an appraising look.

"Eh, I'll give you a seven." the boy who he tentatively identified as his and Kisame's target Uzumaki Naruto, Kyuubi Jinchuriki, bane to Konoha's ANBU, and recently nicknamed Hell-God said.

"Give what a seven?" Kisame asked.

"His Henge." the Uzumaki replied, as if the answer were obvious.

"Seven? Seven? He's a ten!" Kisame exclaimed before realizing what he was saying and shutting up.

"That" the Uzumaki said, pointing at him "Is not a ten. I'll show you a ten. Oiroke no Jutsu!"

The Uzumaki boy vanished into a cloud of smoke, and a moment later a very attractive blond who was completely naked except for a couple of rather strategically placed clouds of smoke stood in his place. Kisame, as well as just about every other man in the area, was blown back by a massive nosebleed and, while he himself hadn't been blown back like the vast majority of the males in the area, he had found that he'd had to rather hastily grab a napkin.

Satisfied by everyone's reaction to his Henge, the Uzumaki turned and flounced off.

"Itachi." Kisame said when he finally managed to haul himself back to his seat.

"Yes?" he asked as he went back to his dango.

"From what I've seen of your village, I'm amazed that you're even half as sane as you are." Kisame replied.

"It's not usually this bad." he said as he took a sip of his tea while repressing the last few minutes in order to preserve what was left of his sanity.

It was at that point that a certain Jounin in green spandex decided to appear.

"I apologize for interrupting your most youthful date but, I must ask if you have seen my most youthful student." Maito Gai said before giving what, for him, was probably a disarming smile.

He was glad he didn't have his Sharingan active at the moment as that smile probably would have finished blinding him if he had. It had almost had done so as it was.

"The flat-chested Hyuuga girl in the neon yellow tracksuit?" Kisame asked before pointing in the direction in which both of the Hyuuga had gone "She went that way. I think her dad's going to kill her when he catches her though."

"That isn't who I was looking for but, I should probably grab him before Hiashi-sama does something regrettable. Thank you." Maito Gai said before running off.

Two seconds later, a miniature copy of Maito Gai ran by on his hands, paused in his tracks, and ran back to the table backwards, giving him a sense of deja vu.

"You are the most beautiful girl I have seen aside from Uzumaki Naruto. Please go out with me, I'll protect you with my life!" the mini-Gai who was running in place on his hands exclaimed.

"I stand corrected." he said, as he determinedly ignored the boy who was pacing in place beside the table waiting for an answer. "I seem to have repressed more than I thought in regards to this place in order to preserve my sanity."

Kisame just laughed.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	29. Random Things Happen

Kakashi was having a good day. In his book, all was good, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, Orochimaru was in prison, the little Uchiha snake hadn't had that seal put on him, there had been no invasion to interrupt the Third Phase of the Chunin Exams, and the Third Hokage was still alive. Since there hadn't been an invasion, there was no construction going on which he'd be forced to participate in for the good of Konoha since Konoha was intact.

As he was getting into one of the more interesting scenes in the book he used to throw people off guard and ward off unwanted social interaction, Naruto ran by. As Naruto ran by, he noticed that there was something different about him. If he could just put his finger on it...

He was wearing the eyesore of a tracksuit again, the one that made him look like Dead Naruto.

"Naruto, why are you wearing that?" he asked his beloved student when he caught up to him.

Now that he was able to properly focus on it since it wasn't passing by in an orange blur, the outfit was bringing back bad memories, memories that faded each time he saw his living student up and running around doing Naruto things and not being dead.

"Because I don't want my good clothes to smell like fish." Naruto replied.

"Why would your clothes smell like fish?" he asked.

"Long story" BOOM! "short, I needed to step up my game to keep Sasuke's and Neji's respect." Naruto replied as he continued to run.

Shrugging, he let Naruto continue to run and soon, the boy disappeared into the distance. It was at that point that he started noticing something odd.

Was it raining fish guts, or was it just him?

* * *

"It's raining fish guts." Kisame said as he finished the last of his Goma dango, ignoring the smoking offal that was spattering on the table, himself, and his partner for the most part.

"I noticed." Itachi said as he set his tea aside when an eye landed in it with a tiny splash.

"Don't worry beautiful flower, my home is nearby, and the shower is big enough for two." Rock Lee, who was still pacing in place on his hands waiting for an answer to his previous question, said.

"Did that kid just...?" Kisame asked sounding both stunned and amused over the fact that his partner had been propositioned.

"Kisame, I do believe that it is time for us to leave." Itachi said calmly as he got up from the table and went inside to pay.

"It's way beyond that." Kisame muttered. "If Leader-sama orders us to come back here again, I'll tell him where to stuff that order."

"She's going inside to pay." Rock Lee muttered to himself as a small amount of blood trickled to the ground creating a puddle beneath his head as the sort of fantasies that made wearing spandex leotards inadvisable ran through his head. "Is that a yes or a no? If I could just get Sakura-chan to...Then everything'll be perfect."

"Bit of advice kid." Kisame said to the perverted little green weirdo who was still pacing by his and Itachi's table on his hands. "You don't want the pretty blonde to say yes. And, if you want your "Sakura-chan" to go out with you, give her flowers. Women love flowers. Flowers and racy lingerie."

"Flowers, racy lingerie. Got it." Rock Lee said, as he made note of the advice.

"Thanks mister." Rock Lee said before shifting onto one hand and giving Kisame an upside-down Nice Guy pose which made the larger ninja shudder.

"Come Kisame, we're leaving." Itachi said as he exited the tea house.

"Finally." Kisame muttered as he got up to go, leaving the weird kid who had propositioned Itachi behind.

As far as he was concerned, if he ever saw this village again, it would be too soon.

* * *

"Gee, thanks." Sakura said as she accepted the package that Lee had presented her with less than an hour after Kisame and Itachi had departed from Konoha.

She wasn't sure if she wanted the boy to be spending money on her, since she had no plans of ever going out with him, and anything he spent on her would therefore be wasted. But, the flowers he had given her along with the gift he'd handed her had been beautiful, and she hadn't been able to bring herself to refuse them. Because she had accepted the flowers, she couldn't just hand the present that had come with them back without seeming rude.

Curious as to what the box contained, she opened it. Inside was a small camisole and a thong both of which were mostly made of lace, and in a shade of pink that matched her hair. Upon finally realizing what she was looking at, she dropped the box as if it were on fire, and shouted "What kind of girl do you take me for?" as she gave Lee a punch that would have given Naruto a concussion before storming off.

"That did not go as well as I anticipated." Lee said as he clutched his head and watched Sakura storm away. "It seems that I will have to get my dating advice from somewhere other than Gai-sensei, Icha Icha Paradise, and random strangers I meet on the street."

* * *

"So, you're really leaving?" Naruto said sadly as he watched Gaara pack his suitcase.

He'd known intellectually that this day would eventually come, since Gaara was from Suna and would eventually have to return there but, over the last month and a half, he had gotten used to the Godaime Kazekage's presence. Most of the time when he and Gaara had seen each-other before he'd gone back in time, it had been because one or the other of them was in trouble. This last month however, there had been no crises taking up their attention, and they'd had time to talk to each-other, get to know each-other and play games together which was something they hadn't done before. Well, something he and the Gaara of his timeline hadn't done before at least, considering the stories this Gaara had told him about his other self.

"Yes, I'm leaving. I have to go back home. I can't become the Kazekage again if I stay here in Konoha with you forever." Gaara replied almost as sadly as he set the last of his belongings into his suitcase.

Apparently, he too had enjoyed the time they'd spent together sharing stories such as the day the Rokudaime Hokage had signed up for the Chunin Exams, and playing Ninja without Sakura. Perhaps one day, he would return and they would be able to do so again. Konohamaru and his friends who had also taken to Gaara would probably enjoy it as much as he had.

"I'll miss you." he said.

"And, I you." Gaara replied as he snapped his suitcase shut and head towards the door. "But, we're only a couple days apart, and It's not like we'll never see each-other again."

"That's true." he said hopefully.

As soon as he could, he would be visiting Suna, even if he had to weasel his way onto a mission that was headed that way.

"Oh, and Naruto." Gaara said as he paused at the door of the room he'd been staying in while in Konoha. "If you do go vacationing in Suna, please don't show off your Tajuu Bunshin Daibakuha Jutsu."

"My what?" he asked, slightly confused as that jutsu, whatever it was, wasn't one he had in his arsenal.

"Never mind." Gaara said rapidly, looking slightly panicked. "Forget I said anything."

Too late. Naruto was already running the Jutsu name in his head and translating it. Multiple Great Exploding Clone Jutsu. That sounded promising...

Somewhere in a land far away, Tobi shivered as a sense of dread inexplicably came over him.

* * *

**Author's Note:** For those of you who were wondering, the story The Exam is the tale of what happened when the Hokage Naruto entered the Chunin Exams. It is told from Naruto's point of view.

**Edited 11-4-12**


	30. Kisame, Why Do You Smell Like Pee?

As a certain two Akatsuki members made their way down the road, determined to get away from Konoha as quickly as they could without looking like they were fleeing, as fleeing people tended to attract pursuers, pursuers who would try to drag them back to the village in order to see exactly where they were going in such a hurry and why, one of them spoke up.

"Kisame?" Itachi said. "Why do you smell like pee?"

"How can you smell that? I put up a..." Kisame started before shutting up and turning away from his partner, trying and failing to hide the fact that he was absolutely mortified that someone had noticed that he'd wet himself.

"Genjutsu. I noticed." Itachi replied as they continued down the road toward a point at which they could safely send in a report.

"So, why do you smell like pee?" he asked, honestly curious as to what could have caused Kisame to lose bladder control and wondering whether or not he should be worried.

"You try having an Uzumaki jump out at you and not react." Kisame muttered darkly.

"Huh?" Itachi said in what would be a mildly confused tone for a normal person, but was tantamount to utter bewilderment for him.

This was probably because he didn't find Naruto in the lest bit frightening whatsoever, despite the fact that the kid had actually tried to eat him when he was six. That had of course been his fault for covering himself in ramen in order to lure the child out of the woods however.

"You know about Kiri and the Uzumaki don't you?" Kisame asked.

"In general terms. I went there for the Chunin Exams, and heard a few "Uzumaki" stories while I was there." Itachi replied.

"When I heard that one of the Jinchuriki was an Uzumaki, I worked on desensitizing myself. It hasn't been a hundred percent effective." Kisame said, sounding slightly embarrassed.

"I noticed." Itachi said.

They continued down the path a ways in silence.

One thing you should know about Itachi is that though he was rather stoic - even more so than he used to be before the Massacre - and often seemed completely unemotional, he possessed a mischievous streak that hadn't been completely eradicated during his time with the Akatsuki. Though he very seldom did so, Itachi could and did pull pranks.

"Did you know that Leader-sama's real body is an Uzumaki?" Itachi asked his partner, unable to resist.

There was no audible response from his companion at this, and the tall blue swordsman's face didn't betray any sort of reaction as they continued down the road.

"Kisame?" Itachi asked a minute later. "Why do you smell like poo?"

"No reason." Kisame replied.

"Hey Kisame." Itachi said, several minutes later after his partner had stopped by a convenient bush to clean himself up and change his clothes.

"What?" Kisame snarled as he fastened his new cloak.

"Did I ever tell you about the time Naruto tried to eat me?" Itachi said, covering his small and rather evil smile with the collar of his own cloak.

* * *

Kakashi sighed as he entered his apartment in order to change out of his clothing which had been covered in fish guts. On his way to his small bedroom, he fed his new pet scorpions Migi and Hidari. Once he reached his room, he dodged an attack from his new dog Madara, grabbed some clothes, dodged another attack from the massive spiky furred black dog, and headed into his bathroom.

Upon reaching his bathroom, he found that there was an angry wet cat in his shower which looked like it would be leaping out at him the instant he opened the door. Sighing, he opened his shower door and caught the creature that he'd decided to name Tama as it flew out at him in a fury of claws and fangs. He then went into the main room of his apartment and put the animal in the pet carrier he used when bringing Pakkun to the Inuzuka and made his way back to the bathroom. He wasn't much of a cat person but, he'd been raised to believe that it was exceedingly rude to return a gift. The animal would have to make do with dog food and Pakkun's bed until he could get some separate cat supplies.

He resolved to have a talk with Sasuke about the appropriateness of giving pets as gifts after he was cleaned off. It's not as if he didn't appreciate the gesture but, keeping pets was expensive and he couldn't afford to keep any more on his income since he still needed to eat. Nine dogs two scorpions and a cat were more than enough animals for one person, and the vet bills had already been piling up before he'd had to bring Madara down to the vet to be treated for rabies and be neutered.

* * *

Tsunade growled. There was burning and itching where there shouldn't be, and scratching hadn't helped. She'd used several topical pastes and creams, and even Healing Chakra, and that hadn't helped either.

"Shizune, help!" she said as she tried to reach the middle of her back once more.

Shizune just sat in the corner hiding her smile. Soon, Tsunade would figure out what she needed to do in order to get the itching to stop, and she would be going home once more. She had almost forgotten how much she had missed Konoha up until she had been dragged back home when Tsunade had ended up gambling her necklace away and, now that she was away from home again, she felt so homesick that it nearly crippled her.

As far as she was concerned, Tsunade's pain was her own fault for getting drunk enough to let someone put at tattoo on her. And, if that tattoo happened to be a seal that would activate every time her teacher got a certain distance from Konoha, that was Tsunade's fault as well for going somewhere where there were people who cared about her, and rubbing the fact that she wasn't anywhere near alright in their faces.

* * *

In Ame, a man who had once been called Nagato and was now called Pein was frowning. All seven of him was frowning. The reason for this had been because of one Hoshigake Kisame. Due to their natures, most of his recruits tended to be disrespectful of him to a degree but, Kisame had been one of the most vocal about it, much like the new recruit Deidara. That hadn't been the case today when he and Uchiha Itachi who had been recruited by Madara gave their reports however. Today, Kisame had been deferential almost to the point of obsequiousness as he gave him his report. He hadn't even sounded the least bit sarcastic when he'd called him Leader-sama.

Now that he thought about it though, he could almost swear that Kisame had started to call him something else before he'd called him Leader-sama, something that started with Uzu.

"Is something wrong?" Konan asked when she'd noticed his somewhat pensive mood.

"One of the recruits is behaving oddly, and I might have to get a replacement for him if it turns out to be serious." he replied.

He'd had to replace Akatsuki members before but, he was hesitant to do so, especially now when things were starting to come together and a change could cause disruption to his and Madara's plans. Ninja of Hoshigake Kisame's caliber who were willing to follow him for any reason were hard to find.

* * *

Naruto swallowed nervously as he opened the door to his and Ero-Senin's apartment. Before Gaara had left, he had given him a task, a task that he'd been putting off for months before Gaara had shown up because he'd gotten to like how his fellow time travelers had treated him like a kid, like something precious that had to be protected, and now, he might be ruining all of that. As he entered the main room, he saw that Jiraiya, Yamato-taicho, who Kakashi always called Tenzo for some reason, and Kakashi-sensei who looked like he'd just stepped out of a shower were in the main room telling battle stories. Most of those stories seemed to be centered around the Akatsuki.

This gave him the perfect opening.

"Yamato-taicho. Do you remember that time we went to meet Sasori's spy and got into that fight with Orochimaru, and destroyed that bridge?" he asked, describing an account that Yamato-taicho hadn't yet shared with the group within his hearing.

Jiraiya dropped his sake into his lap, Kakashi-sensei's visible eye widened to an almost impossible degree, and Yamato-taicho's jaw dropped. The Jounin, the ANBU, and the Sannin quickly recovered before he could snap a picture of the event with the camera that had been resting on a nearby table for some strange reason however, and an instant later, the questions he'd been dreading started...

**Edited 11-4-12**


	31. The Cat's Out of the Bag

"You aren't joking are you." Kakashi said, finally breaking the silence that had fallen over the room after Naruto's revelation.

Honestly, Naruto's being from the future answered one or two questions that had begun to crop up recently regarding the boy and the oddly changed team dynamics that couldn't entirely be attributed to how he was teaching his students. Of course, it had also raised a number of questions. Questions like, exactly how old was the boy, what sort of timeline was he from, why did he come back in time, and, most importantly, could he be trusted?

While he would normally say that Naruto could be completely trusted unless there was a prank involved, this Naruto wasn't the Naruto he knew. This Naruto had snuck around listening in on his Jiraiya's and Tenzo's conversations and never said one word about being from the future. Add in the fact that his, Jiraiya's, and Tenzo's timelines had been almost completely different after a certain point, and it was not inconceivable that Naruto's couldn't be wildly so. There was even a possibility that the boy's timeline had diverged at some point other than where his, Jiraiya's and Tenzo's had seemed to have diverged.

Naruto had mentioned a shared experience with Tenzo that Tenzo had appeared to recognize but, there was a question of whether or not it was the same experience considering the somewhat general terms he'd used, and if it was, how far in Naruto's past it had been and what Naruto had done after that day and why. A person usually had to be pretty desperate to travel back in time, considering the number of ways it could go wrong and how the means of doing so could just as easily be suicide as they could time travel.

There was also the fact that Naruto was fond of and somewhat protective of Sasuke. Sasuke who had betrayed Konoha in all three known timelines. When he'd thought of him as a child, it had seemed innocent but, considering the fact that Sasuke's turning traitor appeared to be a constant, it wasn't exactly a good sign now that he knew that Naruto was not the naive child he had believed him to be.

"No, I'm not joking." Naruto eventually replied, pulling him out of his musings.

"So," Jiraiya asked. "When do you come from?"

"About four and a half years in the future." Naruto replied.

The boy's reply sounded honest, and the kid still acted like a teenager most of the time but, there was no way of proving that he was really telling the truth. He knew it, Jiraiya knew it, and he was relatively sure that Tenzo knew it as well, as they could only assume that each of the others had been telling the truth about their timelines since none of them had any physical proof of the happenings in each.

"What was Orochimaru doing in your timeline when you left?" Jiraiya asked, apparently hoping to gain more intel on his former and soon to be dead teammate.

"Itachi already took care of him." Naruto replied.

"What was Pein doing in your timeline?" Tenzo asked.

"Nagato? He died." Naruto replied, honestly looking and sounding sad about the death of what was supposed to be the enemy but, then again, his Naruto had cried over Haku and Zabuza's deaths.

Interestingly enough, Jiraiya's reaction to the name "Nagato" had been a rather unusual one. If he'd been drinking at that moment, the Sannin would have almost assuredly choked on said drink.

"What was Sasuke doing? he asked, figuring that Naruto's reply would tell him all he needed to know about him.

A pained expression crossed the boy's face after he asked that question, as if the answer was something that he didn't want to remember.

"He was about to help Madara and the rest of the Akatsuki extract the Kyuubi." Naruto replied sourly.

"Who the hell's Madara?" Tenzo, who most likely came from a timeline that could arguably be considered the closest to the one Naruto came from based on his responses, asked.

"It turns out that Tobi was Uchiha Madara, and he's the real leader of the Akatsuki." Naruto replied.

"I'm sensing that there's a long story behind this." Jiraiya said.

"Yeah, Sasuke told me about it after I got captured." Naruto said. "You see, it all begins when Uchiha Madara's younger brother Izuna died...

* * *

Sasuke punched his pillow and sighed angrily. His throat felt slightly hoarse because he'd woken up screaming, and he knew exactly why. That reason why was blonde, had a large pair of tits, and held and ate his dango in a way he'd only ever seen one person do.

That part of himself that still loved his brother and wanted to believe Naruto's story about how Itachi had sacrificed everything for him so he could live had happily greeted the man who had killed his family as if such things hadn't lain between them tainting any love he might have felt for him, and as if he hadn't been gone for more than four years. Only later, after the ANBU who had been chasing after him had been called away for more important things, had reason asserted itself and he fully realized what had happened and how he'd had That Man right in front of him and let him go without alerting anyone. Even later still, that part of himself that was still the small child who had come home to find his parents dead, and his brother standing over their bodies had turned up and turned into a gibbering wreck that had fed him the all too real nightmares he'd been trying to forget.

He wished that he could go back to when things were simple, back before Naruto had told him about what had happened to his clan and why. Back then, he'd been the avenger, and he'd had only one goal in life, and there had been nothing to sway him from that path. Now, things weren't nearly so clear and simple, he loved Itachi, and he hated him, and while he didn't want to forgive him, a part of him did because Itachi was all he had left.

* * *

Neji swung himself back as far as he could in order to gain the necessary momentum to make another swing towards the table.

_Almost. Almost..._

His uncle had finally caught him when he'd tripped over a rock on the path up behind the Hokage Monument and stumbled. Considering how pissed his uncle had been, he'd half expected the man to activate his Curse Seal. In fact, he'd almost prefer it if he had. It would have been less humiliating for one...

_Almost. Almost..._

His uncle had proven to have a sick sense of humor when, instead of activating the Curse Seal, he had personally strung him up by his ankles and left his dinner on the table in front of him. Initially, he had ignored the meal and that glass of water that was just tantalizingly out of reach but, he had grown thirstier and thirstier with each passing hour.

_Almost. Almost..._**There!**

Now, to figure out how to drink water upside-down...

* * *

**Omake:**

Kakashi, Naruto, and Gai watched as the shattered pieces of Tobi's mask fell. Upon seeing Tobi's true face, all three of them expressed surprise but, each for different reasons. Surprise gave way to confusion for Gai, understanding for Naruto, and complete and utter shock for Kakashi.

"I was wondering why he seemed younger." Naruto muttered, breaking the silence.

"But...I...You...We...After the bridge...We...Funeral...Your Father...You're Dead! You Died! We dug up your body!" Kakashi said when he finally found his voice.

"Um, Kakashi-sensei, different timeline." Naruto said, bringing Kakashi out of his stupefied state.

Kakashi took a couple deep calming breaths and centered himself.

"Did I kill Rin here as well?" he asked, sounding like he hoped to God the answer was no.

"Yes." the Obito Tobi spat.

"I can see why you turned evil then." Kakashi said sadly.

"I'm not evil, it's this world that is evil!" Obito yelled.

"Unfortunately, it's the world I live in so, I'm afraid I'm going to have to fight for it." Kakashi replied.

Obito moved into a fighting stance.

"Don't worry old friend, if you die here, I'll make sure you get a proper funeral so you can rest easy." Kakashi replied.

"I've got a good recipe we could try." Naruto said.

Obito paled slightly at that.

"Naruto, manners." Kakashi said as he smacked Naruto on the back of the head. "One, you're not supposed to talk about the specifics in the open, and two, talking about that while they're still alive is almost as bad as trying it on someone who's still alive as far as the Uchiha are concerned."

"Oh," Naruto said, looking slightly embarrassed. "Sorry."

Obito didn't seem to be placated if his expression was any indication. In fact, he seemed to be subtly trying to edge away from Naruto.

"Something wrong?" Madara asked when he showed up and noticed the distinct lack of fighting.

"Other than the fact that they're already planning my funeral?" Obito replied, sounding rather disturbed.

"Hmm, I've always been fond of stir-fry." Madara said.

**Author's Note: **I've gone back and edited Chapters 1-30, improving wording, making some slight changes here and there, and adding a few things here and there. For those who are curious about what may be different feel free to go back and read them.


End file.
